h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I havent.

What are you going to put in your plot this year AA?

Potatoes are good but they take up a lot of room. Tomatoes, chillies, asparagus and assorted herbs are more cost effective and add a little exoticism to your cooking.

I used to grow chillies but they all died. Perhaps due to the painting of the pot they were in. This unconfirmed.

I dont like Tomatoes or asparagus enough to grow them. Herbs sound good, and I enjoy the feeling of success the digging up of potatoes brings. Herbs and potatoes it is!

Now if I could just find that plot.....

Max Brand wrote and published hundreds of novels. How did he find so many plots? His number one ploy was to begin reading someone else's book. After the third chapter he would stop and ask himself how HE would finish this book. That answer was his plot. "Then all I had to do was create a new beginning, and I had a fresh book."

What if the way he decided to finish the book was the same way the actual book finished?

Did he just change the start and leave the rest as it was?

A bit dusty, could do with a hoover, but at least there are no empty sandwich wrappers, crisp papers and beer cans lying around.

Winter Olympics kicking off today (should that be sliding off?) so that's my spare time taken up for the next week or so.

I am not sure why I get excited by these sports at the Olympics when I have no interest at any other time.

People sliding down mountains on a variety of wooden planks.
Sliding large blocks of granite on an icy pond.
Falling off large cliffs.
Dancing on ice. Artistic yes but a sport?
Ice Boxing??? Officially Ice Hockey I believe but whistle blows, man skates into another man, second man punches first man, everyone else joins in. Stop, referee decides who won, one man removed from winning team as handicap, repeat until time or players run out.
Skiing through forests, stopping at regular interviews to shoot trees.

Need I say more?

If you aer enjøying the Winter Olimpiks,
wi nøt trei a høliday in Malmø this yer?
See the løveli lakes
The wonderful telephøne system
And mani interesting furry animals
Including the majestic møøse
A Møøse once bit my sister ...
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".
Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti.

Fractious
Columbine
Deleterious
Malady
Cornucopia
Fluster
Crammed

But what do these words have in common? Strangely, nothing at all, zip, zero, nada, niente, nowt.

I cannot be the only person to have noticed this. So why has everyone else kept quiet? Have they been paid off or have they been scared off? And who is behind this campaign? The Government? The CIA? Or even more sinister forces working beneath the surface of decent society, down in the metaphorical sewers of evil.

Yes Women's Institutes I do mean you!

This is nice, we have our very own thread, don't we preciouuuuus.

I don't like it. Its quiet, too quiet.

Enterprise - Kirk
Scotty we need to investigate further, beam down an away team and remember to include that science chick with the great legs, oh and don't forget the anonymous crewman in the red shirt who will be mysteriously slaughtered. Best not to ask for volunteers.

And if an attractive woman suddenly appears from behind a rock on this uninhabited , desolate planet, first ask yourself "Is she just standing around waiting for a taxi?" before you allow her to extend her third arm and hoover out your brain.

so this is where my old 606er friends have been hiding whilst I've been away

Phasers on stun.........................

We were hiding on here. Now we have moved on.

It is a shame. This place made a lovely home.

This place is eerie!

This place is beautiful.

Stay alert. It's really a freakishly hot rock strewn desert planet inhabited by shape shifting creatures that will lure you into a false sense of serenity before exposing you in the Mail on Sunday.