h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Kirk: "What do you make of all this, Bones?"

McCoy: " A very small casserole, Jim?"

Scotty: "I cannae break the Laws of Delia, Capn!"

Spock: "Perhaps it would be logical to put a little basil in it Captain?"

Checkov: "He put Basil in zee casserole? I keel heem."

Kirk: "Stupid boy."

General (wearing tutu and playing backward facing vuvuzela): "Stop this. Its getting very silly."

Uhura: "Silly? That's rich coming from a man wearing an African bishop!"

It is the “Life’s not fair” complaint that gets me. Please show me where in your contract it explicitly states that you will be given a fair shake. You haven’t got one have you. Let’s have a look at the religious contract then. Most of the mainstream religions I know of, and I have known a few ducky, make no reference to any idea that life is fair. Indeed in most cases it is the reverse. They seem to be mostly set up as apologies for this existence.

“Yes I know, life sucks, and sorry about that" says God, "but it’s basically the way it works out. You ask why bother? Well you bother because it will all work out after you are dead. Yes really, you have my word on that. I know you aren’t going too be in any position to do anything about it if I fail to come up with the goods at that time, but you just have to trust me. After you are dead, everything is going to be lovely, think of the loveliest things you can, like watching Arsenal win the European Champions League 9-0 against Barcelona whilst Kate Beckinsale gently interferes with your body and feeds you scallops. Yes that will be yours. Why trust me? Because you have to. What better deal have you got? See, trust me and you are a winner. Don’t trust me and you’ll be lucky to get Nora Batty slapping you over the head with half a pound of tripe.”

So there you go, nothing about this life being fair. Come to think of it, the next one might not be fair on some people either. I imagine Kate Beckinsale’s paradisiacal fantasies do not include feeding scallops to people like me, and I bet there are a lot of people like me, so she might have her hands full, in a manner of speaking.

>>>I imagine Kate Beckinsale’s paradisiacal fantasies do not include feeding scallops to people like me

LOL You never know - don't give up hope!

I love this thread. Well it beats talking to yourself.

This thread had become a cherished counterpoint to the impatient, quick-fire, rapid-response world in which we live. It is part of the Slow Movement (we've got an ace Entry on the Slow Movement coming up...) and we too love it. It goes at its own pace.

It's been a long time.....I miss this place. Coming back is like visiting an old friend.

I think it's the smell of cat pee that evokes that memory.

Just heard the best quote of the week on BBC news: A woman handing out leaflets to people waiting for the Pope said "I am here protesting on behalf of the young people abused by various Catholic organs."

In space no one can here you scream. Much like this thread.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Did someone scream?

I just spelled hear as here..................
Oh it's shameful, innit but.

I didn't hear anything *shakes hearing aid*

Well that's a major philosophical conundrum put to bed, "if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound".

OK, lets all move on to the ultimate question, "Campbell & Clegg, is this for real?"

Is that a trick question?

Yes, if that was a trick answer!!!!

For the last few weeks in France there a have been a major series of rolling strikes.

I only found out today.

I love this country.