h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Other way is to try a nice cup of wamr beef fat when you wake up

In Sydney they have very interesting names for their drinks, they are as follows:

A Cruiser (570ml/15floz, commonly known as a pint)
A Schooner (425ml/12floz)
A Midshipman (285ml colloquially known as a middy, or a pot in other parts. They use them in Queensland, otherwise the beer gets warm quickly, and in Melbourne for some reason)
A pony (7floz, also known as a "7" for obvious reasons)
A butcher (7floz, usually used for spirits)

I think this all relates to the fact that the early colonists etc. came here on boats. We also call each other "mate", I beleive this is to do with the fact that our predecessors were all shipmates.

Sorry, a butcher is 5floz.

People often say that alcohol is a drug. It isn't - it's a drink.
However it does possess certain mind altering properties.
Namely, the power to turn those of an aesthetically disadvantaged disposition into total love sirens.
It also has the abitity to turn twenty pound notes into bus tickets.
But by far the most disturbing aspect of alcohol is the appearance of strange 'ectoplasmic' pools on the carpet the next morning.
Surely a truly paranormal experience.

Reading back on some of the messages I also attended an England Wales rugby match with a friend of mine from Swansea. On this Occasion we (The English) anialated the Welsh. and in a joint celebration/comisseration went on a drinking spree. Starting with beer and moving steadily on to whisky. Surfice to say we upswet some girles as we thought we were giving then some good looks and they thought we were just letching!! Still great fun and we drunk the place dry of whisky, no wander I cant remember anything else. The one problem I have is deciding which is best Whisky or Beer?

This is because of the optical aids beer gives us

ie BEER GOGGLES

So is bad spelling!!!

A bit of a tangent.
When you buy beer from an off licence (or bottle shop or liquor store etc.) the person behind the counter will often ask "would you like a bag with that?" The correct answer to this question is either yes or no. Do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES say "If you've got one." We are not taunting you, if we offer it we have it.
Thank you and have a nice day.

Here is a joke. It is called "Men!! Typical!! Tsk!!"

A man goes into a pub and drinks 10 pints of export lager.
He staggers home picking up a kebab on the way. When he gets home he finds his wife asleep in bed and immediately starts slapping her repeatedly around the head. "Please stop!" cries the wife. "Shut up Bitch!!" the man replies, giving her a final kick. He then starts on the kids.

Is that simply a very poor and distasteful joke. Or an ironic post feminist quip about the real effects of alcohol
compared with other less dangerous forms of drug abuse.

The latter, naturally.

Off licence owners are often vindictive sorts.
When they ask the question ' do you want a bag for those ?'
do not fall into the trap of assuming that they have any bags.
when you reply 'If you've got one !' they will often reply
'I'm sorry I haven't got any after all, you'll just have to struggle with those cans and bottles and savoury snacks. ha ha ha ha !!'
And they won't open the door for you either.

The pub I drink in has an unusual clientele. Early in the evening a high proportion of the opposite gender are dogs. A few pints later their all foxes. (about five pints)

Anyone seen the hairy thing that trashes my bedroom, farts all night, messes my hair and poos in my mouth?

That would be the Beer Gorrila

What a splendid assessment of Australian beer. If I never taste VB again it'll be too soon!

So you have met my ex girlfriend.

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the
herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are
killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular culling of the weakest members.

Much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest
brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain
cells,
but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

I'll drink to that.

Why is it that whenever you come across a pair of drunkards, one is
always filthy, smelly, incoherent, blood-stained and barely able to
walk, while the other is far worse?

best way to prevent a hangover....stay drunk!