h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the original Star Trek was actually very tatty? Plastic rocks, obvious latex masks on the aliens and a starry background that was actually a black sheet with some pinholes in it and a desk lamp behind? It was also the best Star Trek for script quality, though, so... hmmm? What do other people think?

Well the trouble with the first Star Trek series was the need for the lead characters to go in and sort it out themselves. How often did the first two levels of command (Kirk and Spock) put their lives on the line leaving Scotty in comand of the Enterprise. Can you imagine the captain of a Wet Navy ship deseting his post to go and sort out the locals taking the First Lieutenant with him and leaving the Second lieutenant in charge? In the regulations if the ship went into action he would be charged with desertion of his post in the face of the enemy, certainly in the British navy and 90% sure in the US navy.

The effects were a bit naff. ST2 TNG was more realisic that way, Ryker and Picard never left the ship at the same time, although Ryker was almost unable to have a relationship with a human, only humanoids. Think on it, only that "Irish" gypsy type girl played by Rosalyn Landor. All the rest Betazoids, Bajorans, et al. Unlike Kirk who screwed anything with boobs.

Don't forget the original Klingon makeup.

Hmmm, he's got a droopy moustache and some fake tan, must be an alien.

Chaps, we *are* talking about 1965 here. Effects and make-up in most other films and TV weren't much better. You're trying to judge by today's standards, when we're talking about a programme nearly 40 years old...

True, but the klingon makeup was pretty bad even for 1965. All the othe aliens had blue skin, or antenna, or lizard faces, etc. Compared with them the moustache and a tan doesn't exacty seem like they were pushing things to the limit.

Even spock got pointy ears, at least.

Call me an old fuddy duddy but i grew up watching Kirk and co stick the size nine federation jack boot on the universe and I loved it. Being allowed to stay up on a friday night to watch St (which followed It's a knock out ofn British TV) was a huge treat.

It remains the only ST series which wasn't hidebound by continuity and where characters where actually allowed to do interesting things because well, Jim Kirk was a bit of a rebel and knew that the Federation was, like the pirates Code, more of a guideline than a reality and if confronted with a glowing time Guardian the only thing a right thinking man would do would be to jump through it.

Since then, the scriptwriters have become far too fascinated in the techno babble. Call me a heretic, but I neither know nor care whether warp engines are technically possible - they are a means to get the ship from one story to the next, not a story in themselves. All you really need to know is that the 'Engines cannae take it Cap'n'. Any thing else is redundant claptrap and takes away valuable air time from the characters.

Oh yeah, I forgot, the charcaters in every series since the original have been as dul as dirtchwater and nobody in their right mind would give a tinkers cuss about them anyway...

I had high hopes that Enterprise would be free from the nonsense of continuity and techno-bable, but if anything it's been even worse.

Enterprise is a fan boy wxnk-fest. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Oh thank God. I thought I was the only one who had spotted this small but important flaw in Enterprise.

We have a phrase in our household which is apposite here: Enterprise is a pile of plop.

Oh thats alright then. We all can agree on something.

Probably a first for me and Kerr... At least on tv programmes.

My pals and I have taken to saying, of anything that does not live up to its advertising/packaging, 'It's a bit Enterprise'. And the main reason I watch Next Generation is because I quite fancy Patrick Stewart.

Well, I'd be lying if I said that 'quite fancying a cast member' isn'rt a valid reason for watching something.

I mean, I've say through episodes of Andromeda and Alias... And I'm gonna see Underworld and God knows that looks awful...

Andromeda I've managed to sit through. Not Alias though. *How* does shxte like that and Mutant X keep their funding, while Firefly and Dark Angel go to the wall

Nope, even my dire-hard Trek fan mate admits that Enterprise resembles badly written-fan fiction. And that bloody song sounds like something Bruce Springsten would sing. *and* Gareth sodding Gates sang it at the closing ceromony of the Commonwealth Games

... you got something against The Boss?

The theme song did break with nearly 40 years of instrumental tradition, though. Not a good plan what with Trek being so heritage based. Got a lot of fans somewhat alienated.

Nah, the original ST theme music wasn't purely instrumental. The Enterprise theme is just crap, that's all.