h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 Well,there was a rabbi,a priest and an athiest.......

....waiting for the punchline.....or was it that they couldn't have the punchline because someone has forgotten it?~~~~~~~~~there again,there is no point putting in the punchline before the main thrust of the plot has been developed!
shazz

As I saying ...

.. the aethiest turns to the rabbi and says "Don't you think that Ewan MacGregor does a good impersonation of Sir Alec Guiness?"

To which the rabbi replies...

And they walked into a bar where they found a Canadian, a Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican. The plane was going down, so the Canadian took a drink, tossed the Mexican out the plane door, and the Texan screamed "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!".

Meanwhile the Frenchman was grossing everybody out with a plate of snails, which he plucked deftly from their shells with a loud slurping sound, and sucked between his lips so everyone could se the little slug dissappearing down his gullet.

So the Rabbi said to the Priest....

..."I didn't know Ewan MacGregor was trying to impersonate Sir Alec Guiness. I thought he was trying to impersonate...

......Laurence Olivier........
Ah.....no,said the athiest......that was just really bad acting on his behalf.I believe......or rather..I don't believe....that...

"Hell, if I'd a-thunk of it, I'd have walked over meself, mon!", Sean Connery said to the Diver climbing up onto the pier.

"Well, you didn't and you spent your last farthing!", the diver laughed. He then turned to a nearby nun and said, "You're gonna hafta give the abbot his bath tonight.....

...he smells of llamas."

"And thatsh not all he shmellsh of," added Sean Connery "That'sh the shmelliesht monk I've schmelt shinsh The Day Of The Rowsh."

The nun replied "You think HE's bad, you should smell his...

...dirty habit!!He seems to spend most of his days wandering around in a world of his own......but ,unfortunately,it's not this one.....I think that itis situated somewhere on the fringes of......

The South Pole. Even the penguins can't stand him!"

So Sean Connery looks at the monk and says...

..."How about we take a little bath?"

The monk replies, "But we have no nuns!".

So Sean Connery and the monk set out on a journey to find a nun- sure she'd show up somewhere as a black speck in the white expanse of the antartic ice.

Several days later, after chasing dozens of penguins in a futile search for a nun to give them a bath, Sean Connery says, "Right, that's it then! The next penguin I chase, I will catch! And when I get my hands on that penguin I'll...

strip off it's wrapping and shettle down to a nice meal of chocolate and biscuit.....to hell with a bath...I'll just roll in this ice-hole aver here and.....

Sleep till the summer thaw!"

Meanwhile, on the planet Glazoorp, a wry little rodent making plans for tomorrows brunch. Yes, my friends, it was the DINNER BUNNY!

He and Bambi's mom were planning on an extra-special feast, but somewhere along the line Batman transited a hyper-spatial wormhole, and arrived just in time to have the bunny for dinner!

"Damn vegetarians!", said the worry-plant. That's all it did all day was sit in it's hole in the ground and worry!

"Well, if you ask me....

...I'd rather be off fighting the Riddler or something! Real superheroes have a balanced diet of...

...moms and apple-pie!"

The worry-plant, sick to death with fear because it couldn't move, pondered this, and wondered if worry-worts (it's fruit) tasted like apples. It had never seen an apple, much less tasted one- but it was sure that IT'S fruit would put that apple-stuff to shame.

It wished it had someone or something to whisper to, but worry-plants have no mouths to whisper. This worried it as well.

Meanwhile, as the rowboat pulled ashore, Michael was saying to the court-jester (who was eyeing the worry-plant with a silly grin), "You ugly little dwarf! I ought to feed you worry-plants...

...you'll grow up big and strong!!!

The Jester meanwhile, was wondering if...

.....he was in the right place!He could remember that *the vessel with the pestle holds the potion that is poison*.....but wasn't too sure if *the urn that is blue holds the brew that is true*......Danny Kaye has a lot to answer for!
shazz

So they bypassed the worry-plant, and it's fruit (much to the worry plant's eternal distress), in favor of attending the "Danny Kaye Show-Crimes" trial, where they were to be witnesses on the self-same subject of pedstals, potions, blue urns, and true brew.

Batman decided he'd tag along, shadowing the Jester, whom he thought bore a slight resemblence to the Joker.

"You never can tell what kinds of trouble these clowns are going to get into!", Batman muttered to Robin- who had, quite naturally, tagged along with Batman.

Robin was sure that anywhere Batman went, there were bound to be good-looking women. Catwoman, for example. He wanted to be sure he got HIS two-bits in.

Meanwhile, back in the factory....

a very worried foreman eyed the huge pile of debris.*What the hell has been going on here* he thought to himself....*I'm sure that wasn't here an hour ago!*.......suddenly....
shazz

..nothing happened. But it happened suddenly mind you! In amongst all the confusion...