h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Bell (working title) (work in progress) - A54297930
Author: cactuscafe - U1320388

Dear AWW

OK! So after my previous intro I shall make this brief! I am getting used to this already!

I wrote this rhyme about a week or so ago .. in my h2 journal.

It is the start of a process I want to work on - namely the telling of a story - in rhyme.

This particular story is fiction - it is just a practice run. Perhaps I can work towards a true story! .. hmm I dreamed this one - although I realised later that it is in fact based on a conversation with a friend.

This is a first draft. A rhyme in the raw state! I need help with the structure. There are many clunky lines that I am about to change. I wonder if you will pick up the same ones?

I have many questions about the structure. I think at times it doesn't yet translate at all onto the flat paper (screen) - as it is written to be read aloud - like a story around a campfire - and many words have to be changed to get the emphasis across in type.

It isn't fully punctuated yet.

Even though it is a dream I have spooked myself with this ghost bell - in a good way.

I have no idea what I am talking about. Do any of the images work for you? Or do you have any interpretations of any of the images?

Does anyone have the phone number of a dream analyst ? <rofl .. no .. only kidding .. sort of <rofl

thanks

Helen

You already know what I think about this one, so I'll wait for others to come along and offer ideas.

My only thought on rereading was that nobody could tell you liked Samuel Taylor Coleridge, oh, no, not at all...

I would invite the reflection that if this poem had been written in, say 1880, nobody would have turned a hair at those exclamation marks. I personally like this reenactment poetry, like the one Malabarista did about the horse.

what? not you again ... ... wink wink ... first you're after my dids now you're after my exclamation marks .... ...

what a meanie tease ... .. love it ... ...

hmm hurrumph ... Samuel Taylor Coleridge? never heard of him in my life boy ... ... Rime of the Ancient Mariner? nah .. don't know what you're on about ... ....

apparently right .. when STC first wrote The Rime of the Ancient Mariner ... it was only wandering sailors who liked it because they thought it was some kind of sea shanty .. everyone else thought it wasn't very good really ...

re-enactment poetry? what? ... you mean like when people re-enact battles and other historical things?

ah well .. better get down to the Olde King Bill .. there's an ale and rhyming poetry from the 19th century re-enactment evening ... only quill pens .. no laptops .. so you can't come ...

only kidding .. course you can come ... I like you and I appreciate your feedback and your mind and your writing .... except there is no Olde King Bill ... my brain did temporarily fizz ... hahahahaha ...

horse? what horse? confess Malabarista .. you were sending up rhymers .... please post link here ... immediately .. or I won't ever read Anarchy G again .. except I just did and I did think t'was brill ...

PS .. I am having a laugh here .. not a breakdown ... in case the joke doesn't transmit ... what we need is more quill pens that's what I do say .. I did say ... all this computer stuff .. cor honestly .. not like it was in my day .... that would be 1880

Helen (aka Coleridge's spirit guide)

This certainly has echoes of Coleridge.
I like
'Yet the twilight was around him
When he reached the chapel door'

and I wondered if the atmosphere could be built up further.

You might like to read 'Thystl Bente and Sand' A5980377 about the ruined chapel of Forvie, which is very atmospheric.

I would advise against the use of 'did' to pad out the rhythym and secure the rhyme. The 19th century poets might have used it but it seems contrived now.

thankyou minorvogonpoet for your insights ...

I most definitely think that the atmosphere of this piece could be built up further .. I could .. without too much encouragement.. most definitely add several more verses or fifty ... ...well maybe a couple ... ... in fact this could become the next obsession of mine ... working on how to build up atmosphere ... a particular challenge I think when using only the medium of the written word .. on a flat screen ...

(or in my case .. a pencil on papyrus ... )

when reciting a rhyming story .. say in the context of a fireside storytelling or something .. I would perhaps attempt to build atmosphere by using low whispers in the spooky bits ... ... or various other dodgy tricks of the trade .. which probably wouldn't conceal the flaws in the original script but ... hmm .. so .. yes ... thankyou .. interesting insights into the challenge of using just one medium .. in this case the written word ..



thanks for linking me to Thystl Bente and Sand .. I remember this remarkable piece .. a masterwork from Pinniped and LLWaz .. hear that you two if you are listening? .. .. and I shall enjoy re-reading and absorbing the atmosphere .....

so ... back to ye dogeared notebooke ... sorry .. this joke could run for a while ...

and back to the work in progress .... which could take a year or twenty ... ... seeing as how I prefer work in progress to a finished article ... ...

I wonder if I will ever know if a poem is complete .... I wonder do I want to?

do you ... or anyone else reading this ..... have an instinctive knowing when you have completed a poem?

Is the completed work as important as the process of writing it?

hmm .. you don't have to answer my questions by the way .. ... I just love to talk to those who write ...

I suspect I am too in love with the process right now ... too in love with my scuffy coffee-stained notebooks .. which are filled with scraps and fragments and textures and halfthoughts and halfrhymes written to shadows and dandelions and neon signs advertising pizza ... ....

one of my loves is the notebooks and sketchbooks of artists or wandering philosophers or dreamers or travellers .. one day I would like to set up an exhibition .. or attend an exhibition .. not of finished works .. but of notebooks and sketchbooks .. I would love that .. I wonder if there is such an event in existence?



I think I enjoy my marginal notebook/journal artist-identity ...its a lifestyle more than a contrived identity ..it began when I was five .. but its still an identity I guess ...



I wonder .. do we adopt the artistic-identities that we feel safe in .. or that we love .. and then forget how to let go of them and prevent the challenge of growth? ... people often ask me things when they see me scribbling away at cafe tables ...like .. what are you doing? they mainly ask me if I am a poet and am I published or do I want to be published ...



right now I actually speak my truth as an answer ..which is NO! .. which is that I write because I love to write .. and I consider it to be a healthier addiction than anything that the dealer could provide .. an on-going cure ... a way of making sense of this curious human existence ..



anyway .. enough from me ....

thanks again mvp and dmitri for reading my offerings to the AWW ...and for your valuable insights .. its been good to return to these hallowed shores ...

see you in twenty years ... hahahahaha ...

H

dear folks ... just to say ...as from tomorrow I have to be offline on some family matters .. maybe for longer than planned .. not sure yet .. hmm ...

.......

so I am just clearing up all my bits and pieces .. as I have no time to continue with all my frenzied and frantic creations right now .. .. (except in notebooke of course .. ) ... hahaha .. and regretfully won't be able to follow all your creations for a while .. or the Strethcer or anything ..... but ..... there is always the future ...




so just to say I have returned this and my other entry into my Not For Review stash for now ... my pending file .. to be worked on ... when Summer turns to Autumn .. when work in progress blends to work in more progress .. .. hahahahahaha ... I haven't withdrawn them because I have gone all huffy and hurt or anything ... ..why should I? .. on the contrary in fact! .. I feel most inspired .. ... the AWW is a very creative workshop and thankyou again ... nice doing business with you ...

not sure if they will reappear in this format ..who knows ... who knows ... they might morph into a galaxy of music shapes .. in a journal/scrapbook of fragrances and strange arty textures .. where wild honeysuckle merges with the memory of smiles and uncertain pathways and .....

oh ..... have to go ... doorbell .....and just when I was getting going ..... pizza delivery from Porlock .... hahahahahah get it? .... .. check that for wit ...

<In Xanadu did .................... (interrupted) ....(visitor from Porlock) ... ....

OK OK you get the picture ... I always felt sorry for that Person from Porlock ... not so great to go down in history as being the one who interrupted an incredibly famous poem in the making ...

have a great summer all ... and see you further down the line ....

H