h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am a late developer in the handbag useage stakes. I'm not really into makeup (I wear a little bronzer when I look like I'm 2 steps from deaths door) and I could fit essentials such as keys, money (can always buy alcohol), emergency chocolate and tissues into my coat pocket.I never had the need for a handbag. All of this changed on the day I bought a proper (read grown up) coat.
I thought I'd treat myself to a warm bum and thighs in winter and bought the seasonal classic wool coat, knee length and practical(I live in the UK). Practical in every way apart from infuriatingly it has no pockets. It does have those pretendy pockets that are stitched together but not actual, can shove your hand/ keys/tissues in type pockets. THINK ABOUT THIS. Suit jackets, winter jackets, going out jackets all very rarely have pockets. Designers know what they are up to, if you can't use your pockets where do you put your stuff? If you cant put your hands in your pockets how do you keep your hands warm? You have to buy more stuff, gloves and bags to match your varying pocketless coats and jackets.
But it gets WORSE once you own a handbag your previous essentials for survival suddenly are not enough to justify using a handbag and so you add stuff at random. Heres an inventory. 1 hairbrush, 2 pens both pilfered at checkouts, painkillers, 3 old shopping lists, half a tube of minty sweets, one glove*, a 5 pound voucher for cosmetics, a plastic frog (escapee from Christmas Cracker), flyer for a dodgy sounding nightclub and 1 unused tampon that has being in handbag so long I would a) almost certainly suffer if I used it and b)it has started a new bid for evolution with the plastic frog and the glove. When you have gathered RANDOM CRAP to put in your bag, suddenly your bag is to small for all the CRAP which is no longer random but YOURS as it is bursting out of YOUR HANDBAG. The Solution is to buy a bigger handbag. Its a vicious circle of a conspiracy by designers to keep handbags in demand.
P.S.Even Arthur Dent had a handbag so men are not immune.

* gloves like socks are usually found sulking alone in dark corners.

I always carry a torch in my handbag because you just never know when you might need it. In last five years have used it once when on Central Line train that had no lights. That really is DARK . I know the other people on the train were just green.

Also very important to have lots of pens and paper. And a way to make fire when the Revolution comes.