h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hiya folks

Hope you still remember me.

I was kicked off tennis school by the school manager just because I am different from the other students, I've got slight mental problem. But I was able to keep playing tennis at the school for 8 years. I've been spending unconsciously stressful days since, especially, this April. I adjourned the school by November, I was about to quit the school, but the school manager (who is tennis coach at school, too) asked me of having meeting to talk about 'quitting school' He said that the school can't accept me because of my character, my slight mental fit.. I lost passion to play tennis after one assistant coach caused me a huge incident.
I lost my hair... because of stress. It had been bigger at the end of August
Now, new hair is growing, so should be okay

Just, I really feel unpleasant to be here as I am Japanese, but it seems as if I'm not a Japanese because I refuse Japanese... now, all Japanese words, sounds annoy me a lot because I realise that that sounds are Japanese. I'm a kind of Japan phobia.

I'm losing friends a lot... I mean, not only Japanese but also English, French.... as I can't contact you well.

It's too hard for me to be here, my country now.. oops, since I had a kind of mental illness


I MISS YOU ALL!!
But it's pity of me that I never see you


It's getting colder and colder here.

Winter has at last arrived here


Taamyu

are there any voluntary centres that look after old folk etc ? that you could possibly help in ? they will provide company for you and allow you to absorb yourself in something new

Hiya animal
No, there aren't any place to support me except for 'town hall (not well) and for the clinic I have to go regularly... All they can do is to support my 'ill' problem.
And I'm sure almost all ppl here incl volunteers can't understand me (my symptoms) which are rare to see. And originally, I am not social person, and can't talk with ppl whom I don't know. (I know you don't believe it, but in fact, it's true)
The most problem is that they don't speak English, or they don't understand my English.
at the mo, I will be exhausted when I use/see/hear any Japanese. That's the problem living here, so the best way is not to go out...

Well, I'll try to be HERE time to time that's the best way to cheer me up.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR QUICK RESPONSE

some call it being SHY, but can be very hard to make vocal contact with strangers

are able to borrow English speaking talking books from a library ? that could help your English maybe

Are there any mental health support groups and organisations in Japan? I am receiving help and support from MIND since October as I suffer from severe anxiety. I hope that you are able to find an understanding group or organisation that can help you. I know how isolating mental health problems can be.

Animal

The thing is that my problem is too rare to understand And apparently (of course.. as I'm japanese), I look very fine, so all ppl here speak to me in Japanese. If I react something different from them, they say 'you're strange'..
Japanese speak Asian ppl in Japanese, and they try to speak EGLISH to Western ppl even if they can't speak English.

All shopkeepers talk to me in Japanese, and although I won't speak Japanese or I speak foreign languages to reply, they keep speaking Japanese.

I've got more English books at home than Japanese ones , there are not so many English/foreign books at libraries
I'd better not go out and stay at home as much as possible.

I'm stranger, anyway.
Phew

Kat

Yes, there are some mental support groups here, too, I suppose.
But the thing is that they speak mostly only Japanese. And try to let me to get back my language problem at first. But I KNOW I shouldn't worry my language problem so much.
And only I trust medical ppl, doctor, nurses and pharmacists whom I contact all the time.

To my regret, that kind of supporting groups are not so developed than Western ones They are not trust worthy. To me they seem that they try to support those ppl to satisfy themselves by thinking that they support someone who have been suffering from mental health problem.

The best way is not contact anyone... I learned a lot through my loooon experience

I'm happy that you and animal posted my journal

Taeko, could not your doctors and medical services direct you to a hypnotherapist ? who might be able to help unblock your ability to speak Japanese properly ?

HI Animal

As far as my language is concerned, it's MYSELF who block to use my mother language (to write japanese in pen unconsciously). It's been too many things for me to refuse Japanese, after I first had aphonia (lost my voice over 22 years ago). No one can support me.
And I haven't got any reliable Japanese after I had ill after coming back to Japan from England.
No one but my gran said 'you're strange'. Me, I found that the atmosphere/surroundings was absolutely different between England and Japan, so the ppl's way of thinking.
My doc told me, 'you think too much, still now. Don't think too much, then you'll get well, better than now' I try to do so, but in fact, I don't do that. It's my character, so both my doctor and me know that it's difficult for me to change my original character and to live more naturally without thinking too much.

(I can speak Japanese, but I can't write Japanese in pen which causes more problem to live here now.. grr But now my left brain is tired when I force to use Japanese... )

I relax whenever I use non-Japanese though I'm not good at foreign languages.

I really am fed up to explain my situation every single time whenever I contract something, meet the first person (Japanese). I am really upset when I see unknown person that makes me more and more japan phobia.

It's been over 22 years since I had this problem after I had pancreatitis (cause from stress).

And I know that even I can unblock my Japanese writing, I feel stranger, anyway

That's the life in Japan. (could be the life all over the world, I know)

But the good thing is that I can use foreign languages. I wonder if there are Japanese who have got the same symptom with me and who can't use foreign language... If there were, that person can't live here alone. I should think I am lucky person.

Thank you so much for being my friend since I met you here

You never betray me.

I'll try to study English, French, the other things, and to read books more until I go out next time.. I mean I'll see Japanese chicks to play them in English next year.

I don't want to have any bald spot on my head anymore (it's because of stressful communication with my tennis school manager who kicked me off the school because of my problem)


It gets colder and colder here

But I feel better as I love cold season more than hot and sticky season.

as a Yorkshireman, "we" say - you can knock me down, but I'll only keep getting back up again and in the end I'll defeat you...

don't stay down love

Thank you Taeko

Animal


That's the wonderful phrase.

But!!! The problem is that if I delete someone, then I'll delete myself, too, because I think that I do something bad to the ppl. I always attack myself whenever I scream, scold children, etc . It's me.
Just I found that I wouldn't have any mental problmes unless I went outside
At the mo, I have a headache even I 'see' Japanese on the screen, (mails/messages, etc)... lol
Or, my left brain is tired when I use Japanese. OMG Unbelievable, but it's true.
It's my fault that I started not to try to communicate with ppl, but that those people who 'created' such kind of person like me. This always happens here.

I don't stay 'down' but I stay in bed

Hiya Kat

It's been months since I came back here, but I'm really happy that someone like you and animal never forget me

Thank you again

Hiya Taeko

Thank you, I will never forget you as you are a very kind and warm hearted person.