h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Seems like today is a day for things hitting home. Just had two more clouts of bad news

Crikey! *offers loobrush*

Thanks I don't feel like doing any cleaning just now though...

Is your mom any better?

It's a magic one. You put it in a pot and watch it grow

She was feeling better this morning but I could tell she was still a bit iffy. She's apparently going to the diabetes clinic sometime today so I'll find out how she's gone on when I get home.

A maGIC loo brush

Speaking of loo's I broke ours today, the handle bit...how annoyin is that...grrr... now I have to put my fair lily white hands in the cistern and pull the thingy to get it to flush..

Ok they are not fair and lily white, but compared to what's in the cistern....ewww...

Hope your mom is well.

I do hope the other clouts are not as bad, Footie

Advice required please

Since my last post in here, quite a bit has happened.Bro's ex has found out about whats happened, bro has left home - I'd be quite happy to never see him again after what he's said about me and things he's done since Monday. I'm no longer friends with the girl who he was shagging. I seem to be ok with everyone else though. My mom and dad wish that I'd told them about it but understand that I felt I couldn't, the relative who I work with is fine with me and my bro's ex is ok with me.

But now, the 'rents think that it's mainly the girls fault, she's always had a thing for my bro and they think she's just took advantage of him while he's been drunk and depressed. So they're mad at him, but will forgive him easily because they think the above.

Here comes another "but"….
But, I know that he's been with someone else as well, frequently with another ex-girlfriend while he was seeing his last girlfriend. Nobody knows this but me and I'm tempted to tell this to the 'rents so that they can see what he's really like, though I don't want to tell them at the same time because it's only going to cause them more hurt.

I've spoken to the person who I wrok with and she thinks I should tell them, but she also just wants to cause as much hurt to my bro for the sake of her nephew. So I can't really just go on her advice.
I'm going to ring my big, big bro later and ask what he thinks.
So in the meantime, any clues as to whehter I should spill and let them see what a bastard he is, or should I keep stum and let them forgive him?

I feel the same way

I've even started having nightmares now

I'm inclined to say you should tell them now and get everything out in the open at once, rather than let it drag on and perhaps be discovered at a later date...

Another strike on the "yes" side.
I want to tell them because I was thinking that I want him to get everything he's got coming though! I know that's harsh but after what he said about me after all I've been through with him and what he said about me ma', I couldn't care less what happens to him.

Well, let's put it this way... are you at the stage where it can't get any worse yet?

Just now, they don't think he's as much of a bastard as me because they think he was vulnerable and didn't really know what he was doing. But if I tell them this then they'll see what he's really like.

SO, though it's pretty bad now, if I tell them then it could make it a bit worse. But I want them to see what he's really like

You need to tell them. The longer this goes on with your parents in the dark, the more trouble it's going to cause in the long term. From the sounds of it it's no longer about stopping people from getting hurt, it's all about damage limitation.

I agree, you should tell them.

You might think carefully about how you tell them so as not to seem like you're only telling them out of spite but more of out of honesty and openess.

Obviously he cares about no one but himself. The more honest you are the less you will have to be stressed about. Tell them about your nightmares and how the whole thing has made you feel.

Hey

It's probably getting a bit unnecessary at this stage, but I'd go with 'tell' too.

People who put you in the position of having to lie for them - or even just not 'let' on - they can *ask* you to do that, but they really can't *expect* it. Sounds to me like you've been thoroughly ill-used throughout this. And nightmares? If it's having that sort of effect on you, then out in the open really is for the best. In fact, *truth* is best - it just is (and EV's spot on about now rather than later).

If you can't yet see the bright-sky jumpy-squirrel far horizon yet and this is what's standing in your way, then it's not a dilemma, it's just something very very rough you need to do.

(Imminent Hopelessly Inadequate Smiley Warning)

Thanks everyone. I've decided, but I'm just going to tell my pa first.

Jumpy-squirrel? Are they red or grey? I can see a jumpy spider...

OooOOoHhh, I seem to be getting a collection of loobrushes

You could arrange them into an unusual motif or something

Bugger.

I'm with everyone else, get it off your chest..

Wash your hands of it.

In my experience family secrets fester. Close rellies of mine didn't tell their kids that they aren't all from the same set of parents. Mum had a daughter before she met dad, if you know what I mean. He treats her as his own and is great with her.

This has led to them not being able to celebrate wedding anniversaries as kids will tumble that eldest daughter is not their father's. The rest of the extended family are under fear of death if they should breathe a word of this, which has meant a complex dance around such topics as funny events that happened post daughter's birth but pre meeting up with current husband. Sometimes conversations peter out when people realise where they will lead and don't want the children to find out.

Years have gone by and the eldest daughter is getting married this summer. We're looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time!

Just a preview of what may be to come. "It's a wise child tha knows their own father."