h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At the end of last year I found out that my older brother was having an affair with my best friend. They were both in long term relationships, his has since broken down, partly because of the affair. My friend is still in a relationship with her boyfriend, they have a child together and she is pregnant again.

When I first found out about what was going on, my brother and his girlfriend were both living at home with me and our parents. I also work with my best friends, boyfriends relative. It has made me feel so stressed out and anxious, having to think about everything I say and make sure I don't slip up. The relative of my friends boyfriend - who I work with, is a good friend of mine and she often asks me how my friend and he are getting on, whether I think they will stay together etc. Before my brother and his girlfriend broke up, my parents would often ask me what I thought was going wrong between them and I'd have to lie to them to cover up what I knew was really happening.

When my best friend found out that she was pregnant, she told me that she is unsure as to whether it is my brothers or her boyfriends. My best friends boyfriend is sticking with her. He knows she has had an affair but thinks she has put a stop to it. He has said that if it ends up being his baby he will stay. If it isn't then he doesn't want anything to do with it and will leave her.

My brother has told me that if it is his baby, he doesn't want anything to do with it. Even though he has said this, he continues to see my friend.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone, I can't speak to my parents about it, I can't speak about it with my friend at work, I can't speak about it with my friend obviously as she seems to be obsessed by my brother and is blinded by it. When I talk to my brother about it, he just seems to shrug it off and says that she is obssessed.

Whenever I give advice to either of them, it's just ignored and they carry on. I find myself hating both of them. Whenever I see my friend she always asks me waht my brother has been doing, whether he's talked to his ex etc.I know I have no control over what they do but I get so wound up about it.

The past few weeks have been a bit quiet, what with some of the people involved going on holidays and the like. So I've not felt as stressed out and uneasy. But last night I heard my friend come into the house with my brother. I've heard this happen plenty of times before and is usually followed the next morning by a frantic phone call from the room next door, my friend asking me to help smuggle her out of the house without my parents seeing.

This morning it proved impossible for that to happen. Broter went to work early, my mom went into brothers bedroom and saw her there. Friend left and I was asked millions of questions about what was going on between them. It's not up to me to tell them anything so I avoided most of the questions.



I just wanted to get a bit of a rant out of my system. Sorry. You may now continue normal business (badgers, nontables, ferrets without an agenda etc)

oh dear

your friend is mad though to keep seeing someone whod disown his own childsounds like it might be all about to come out anyway!

I know, he is a horrible person sometimes

All this happened this morning and then I read this article in a free mag from the mail, about being an unwilling confidante in someone else affair. So I thought I'd get some stuff off my chest

If you need to rant, you know where I am.

Thanks Croz,
Thoz

Any time It always sucks to not have someone to talk to, and I know that from experience.

Oh I know this sort of feeling, everyone is involved somehow and those who arent you cant talk to because they're not suppose to know and



*runs back*

Exactly, the people who you think will understand it and be able to give advice to you about what advice you should give them, you can't talk to

been there too many times

Cripes!

Holy crap...

Wish you could move out and get your own place You don't need that kind stress, when it's nothing to do with you

Here's a sorry to hear what an awful time your having

INCONSIDERATE s!!!

Do not let them put you into the middle of such a sordid mess. Now that your mother knows it might finally be out of your hair a bit, but if not, do not get involved. It is NOT your job to protect either party involved. If you happen to let something slip in conversation then so be it, it's their fault for letting YOU know what was going on. If they can't be responsible adults then they shouldn't expect you to be responsible for what happens to them.

Let the stress flow out of you Footy, you don't need it. It's not your stress anyway, they're giving it to you. Don't accept it.

Thanks Vix, CZ

I know what you're saying CZ but when you're close to both parties, you can't help but worry about them and it's difficult to not get involved, telling them what you think.

I had a bit of a meltdown at the weekend My brother got really upset about everything that's been going off alately and started threatening all sorts of stupid things. So seeing him like that got me upset too. Then I spoke to the friend who's pregnant and because of me seeing my bro so upset, told her that I thught she shouldn't ring him and give him some space to clear his head, as I was really worried about him. We got into an argument that ended with her slamming the phone down on me

It was really gettting to me, not being able to talk about it. I was feeling stressed out but when people asked me why, I couldn't tell them. I don't think I could cope if I had a social life of my own, I get too worried about other peoples, nevermind my own!

Love is blind and love hurts, Unrequited love more than doubly so. Your friend will come round to this eventually, and by then maybe your brother will also find what he wants out of life.

As for the social life thing, I've been informed that they work wonders. Don't cut your friends and family off but give yourself a bit of a break and some TLC (or even better, someone you know who wants to give you some TLC). You'll feel better for it.

Actually, I think I should do this myself too

Not surprised you're stressed.

Well take heart its not your problem.

I know that sounds callous but sometimes the only way that you can be there for other people is by taking a step back. One stressed out person talking to another is often a recipe for more not less problems.

Having said that I totally undrstand hwo family and friends are right at the centre of your life.

Your brother and friend sound like totally normal people. Its not uncommon for a man not into having a baby to reject the idea if he's not 100% happy about the situation he now cant escape. Sad but true. I think your friend wanted your brother more than the guy she was with all along. People are strange.

They havent thought this through but that's not unusual. I hope your parents understand why you had to keep the secrets you have. You've lied to them in a way but explain to them that you knew little for definite and that both parties wanted time to sort things out their own way. its the truth and what you have done is genuinely all you really could in the circumstances.

I also hope that your parents see that pilling more pressure on either of them is not something that is likely to make things better between your bro and your friend.

Most of all look after yourself if you dont keep your self on a na even keel you wont be able to help people the way you obviously do. Dont get upset if they dont follow your advice just say what you think each time your asked and leave it to sink in.

one love

Wise words, Blicky. You're right about her wanting him more than the guy she's with too. Will take your advice and am trying to de-stress

Hope things are better now!

Well, the shit hath hiteth the fan.

Contents of my weekend:

Saturday - Due to apologising to my friend about whether what I said to her had upset her, we'd made up. Went to said friends house, had a bit of a party and I came back home about 11ish. She'd gone down town with some other mates.

Came home, pottered around, brother came back with couple of mates. I went to bed, they started having a party. Woke up at 2am by a strange alarm call, mainly consisting of screams and swears. Realised it was my friend Apparently, she'd come back to mine with her mate and was screaming at her boyfriend on the phone because he wanted to pick her up (he thought she was jsut with me, not brother). Anyway, somehow he found out that I wasn't with her and came round to house to pick her up. They had an argument that resulted in her admitting that she was seeing my brother on the side. While that was happening I had an argument with bro about it all.

Sunday - zilch happened. I felt funny all day and attempted to sell my brain.

Monday - 'rents came home from weekend in a tin. I told them that friend and boyfriend were splitting up, they asked why and I just said it was because she liked lee and her boyfriend had found out. Told them what had happened on Saturday night when they asked me (I'm sick of lying to people, I'm not going to cover up and protect anyone anymore. It's their mess, they can sort it out.) They said they thought he should move out as soon as possible because they're sick of all this crap he keeps bringing.

Today - received a phone call from the relative of friends boyfriend - who I work with and is a close friend to me(does that make sense?). Asked me what had happened. I asked what she knew and she said everything. The boyfriend has been staying with her. She's really upset. Had a long chat about it all, she's mad that I didn't tell her and has got daggers for my friend, unsurprisingly.

It felt even worse because on Friday at work, she asked me "If Charlotte ever did something with someone else, would you tell me?"

I lied to her outright, felt terrible.

Now I'm thinking that the boyfriend is going to come round here and try to kill bro. But everyone seems to feel that way lately, so the more the merrier.

The only thing that is still hushed up, is that the 'rents don't know that the baby could be their grandchild.

Quite an eventful bank holiday weekend. Not quite the one I had in mind though.

Vix, you are psychy Better in the sense that it's all out in the open.

*chuckles* not really...

These things tend not to go away as fast as they escalate, but go away they will...here's for quieter more zen times...