h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello y'all

Are you still out there? Here's another diatribe from Animal Farm and the avocado packing shed....

After the last five days in the packing shed, my shoulders and upper
arms feel like mush. Of course liberal amounts of heat, tlc and more
avocado packing will develop shoulder muscles of iron

My estimate of the number of avocadoes I pack was seriously wrong.
Having discovered that we pack 2.5 thousand boxes each day I revised
my figures completely. I now know that I pack 8,500 avocadoes a day,
or 42,500 a week, which is more than twice my previous (misleading)
number. It means that each one is worth about 0.01 of a cent. They
retail for $1.70 each

In addition to songs hurtling around my head whilst packing, I've had
words this week. Specifically 'etiolate' and 'hoozle'. Etiolate seems
quite appropriate because if I spent my life packing avocadoes
(absolutely not a cat's chance in hell) I certainly would feel
etiolated.

And as for hoozling... well it's a verb used by J. It
means to firmly but kindly remove somebody or something from the place
they're not supposed to be. For example "I've just had to hoozle the
horses out of the goat paddock". It's an incredibly useful word, which
I hope to see in a dictionary some day.

The avocado shed is a bit of an education for me. I've had a pretty
sheltered work life. It distresses me to be in a workplace where the
boss rules quite so firmly. There is an atmosphere of mistrust and a
definite hierarchy. We aren't told when we're doing a good job and
have to deduce our ability by the amount that we're criticised (or
not, as the case may be). I'm finding the lack of encouragement a
de-motivator to say the least. And because people are so wary of the
boss, nobody asks her anything; like what time are we likely to finish
today, or do we have the next public holiday off work? As a result of
that all sorts of groundless rumours circulate. Chinese whispers do
irritate me. Why can't people just ask if they want to know something?

Today's drama in the shed developed right at the end of the day when
we were all exhausted. A bin of huge avocadoes was put through the
hopper. Fb was working on the 'big fruit shute' and was
suddenly inundated by pint-mug-sized avocadoes (14s and 16s for those
in the know). Fortunately the girl who operates the belt was watching,
and she turned it off as my frantic body language developed more and
more signs of complete panic. Overwhelmed by avocadoes!

The other thing that has struck me this week is how uncomfortable I
feel surrounded by only women. It reminds me horribly of school, when
I felt on the outside most of the time. It's like I'm missing some
secret code of how to talk about women's things in a group. I've never
figured it out - and I guess I never will now. Give me mixed
workplaces anyday. Does anybody else feel this way?

So other than work, what's been happening? I've decided I must
buy a car. Public transport is non-existent outside of the big cities
and if I want to work somewhere off the main drag, I need transport.
To this end, I shall go to Bundaberg this weekend and visit a dealer,
recommended by two people, to see what I can get for very few dollars!
As long as it's reliable and is long enough to sleep in if I really
have to. I'm quite looking forward to having a car again, which is a
surprise. It'll really open up Australia to me, which is a wonderful
thought.

I thought I had organised some sailing for this weekend, but for a
variety of reasons it's fallen through. However, I have started to
make enquiries about weekend jaunts and hope that something will come
of it very soon. There are plenty of marinas hereabouts and I am
leaving messages in all of the laundries, which is the internationally
recognised information exchange amongst yachties

We have another three day weekend ahead. Delightful! It's the Queen's
Birthday public holiday this time. Hurray for the Queen! Why doesn't
Britain have a bank holiday to celebrate? All the Commonwealth
countries do. And that's enough reason for Australia to stay in the
Commonwealth if you ask me.

Since arriving here I have been striving to learn about the politics
of the country. What a depressing experience The politicians here
make Tony Blair, Charles Kennedy and even Michael Howard look as
though they know what they're doing. This lot are a bunch of amateurs
and there is some legislation in Australia which defies belief. For
instance, until 2004 with an IVF pregnancy, if discovered that the
foetus was not your preferred sex, you can have an abortion

This weirdness pales into insignificance when compared to what the
Department of Immigration, Multicultural and Indigenous Affairs
(DIMIA) has been up to recently. They have mistakenly managed to
detain or deport over 200 Australian citizens in the past four years.
For example, Claudia Rau has bipolar syndrome and went walkabout a
couple of years ago, forgetting everything about herself, including
her name, address and family. She ended up in the notorious Baxter
Detention Centre (Google it) despite having her passport in her bag
all the time. It took the authorities almost a year to realise who she
was, during which time her illness was exacerbated. Unbelievable.



We've had one new goat at Animal Farm this week. No competition for
this one. K is going to name him. Anybody who calls her beanybaby
swan Primrose and her goldfish Parsley and Joey, has to have the
chance to name a baby goat. I look forward to her decision

Thank goodness it's the weekend. I must say I'm a bit disappointed to
be looking forward to weekends again so soon, but after the avocado
season I should be able to forget all about that again for a while.
Unless I end up getting a real job of course. I have mixed feelings
about that


Six Fb

Whew. That's a lot of avocados. I remember when I ws a kid watching people pack tomatoes. My dad's sister, who was married to a worthless character if there ever was one, took a job at the city market to help make ends meet. She had a house full of kids to raise so went in to this place in the evenings when the older kids were home to babysit. The tomatoes would arrive during the day and my aunt would pack them into these little green plastic trays - 3 to a tray. Then another woman would come in the next morning and put cellophane tubes on them. Anyway, since she worked by herself, my dad would go over and help her out sometimes. I'll never forget the smell of the place. To this day I can't eat tomatoes in those cellophane packages.

I have never spent much time in a strictly female environment, so can't comment about that. But I am jealous of the baby goat. I like goats a lot.

A full-time job is going to have to rear it's ugly head at some point. Maybe you could create your own somehow.

Indeed. I like an avocado or two with a nice vinaigrette, but 21,000 is mind boggling. Just in passing, did you know that the French word for lawyer is the same as the word for avocado? Make of that what you will.

When my brother worked his way round OZ he said the fruit jobs were the worst. I have to admit I'd rather be doing a desk job, even when the whether is as good as it is today.

Best of luck with the car hunting,

sprout

While we're on language issues, it is worth noting that the word avocado comes from the Nahuatl (Aztec) word ahuacatl meaning testicle. 21,000 testicles! That's a load of balls.

Phew! I'm exhausted just reading about it! (Mind you, I came back exhausted from work and anything would make me feel exhausted.)

So, you're thinking about a car. Good luck in getting a reliable one.

Yes, Fb, we are still here

Now to me that sounds like slave labour. Do you think it is because most of the people working there REALLY need the jobs that they are frightened to speak out? I don't think I could stand the monotony, never mind the physical effort. Still, almost anything else will feel easy after that, especially with all those muscles.

After Gnomon's comments I shall never see an avocado in the same light again

I know what you mean about an all female environment. I went to an all girl school and it was a big mistake. I felt out of place too. Too much bitchiness, competition and gossip/rumour etc. and having briefly experienced factory life, with all women, as a child, I would hate it.

In case you are wondering my father had his own engineering business/factory. They are a breed apart - or perhaps you and I are Although it doesn't sound as if you get time to socialise or make friends?

with the car, I am sure it will make a big difference.

Re. the Aussie politicians, my friend out there has pretty much the same opinion as you have, and she is Australian. I don't rate any of them in the world at the moment, they all seem tarred with the same brush (or should that be Bush)?

Do you know any way of "hoozling" the slugs out of my garden? I don't mind them generally but we seem to have a plague of them at the moment, with silver trails everywhere. I love that word but I am not sure about 'etiolate' - it doesn't sound decent somehow!

It is 9.56pm and I am typing this while listening to the blackbirds singing away outside. Lovely.

Take care - it's a pity can't send you some Reiki by post, it sounds as if you could do with it.

Take care, and don't overdo it.



Websailor

I do indeed think that the girls need the work so much that they keep their mouths shut There is a long list of people waiting for work, so the boss can always get replacements.

There is a definite smell about the avocado shed too Hypatia. I'm not sure that I can describe it, but I got a whiff when I was in somebody's garden the other day. They had an avocado tree laden with fruit! Fortunately I do still love eating them, but that smell will always remind me of this place.

Sprout... Here's a confession: I think I'd rather be doing a desk job too I never thought I'd say that It is for just such a realisation that I'm glad that I'm bumming for a while. Living a more settled and routine life will provide me with a whole lot more contentment than it did in Scotland. Perhaps I was too complacent about qualifications, experience and my work? Never too old to wise up

G Testicles are avocadoes? And French lawyers? Thank you for that wonderful bit of info.

Ah Websailor, there are a lot of us about J, who I'm staying with, doesn't like all-female gatherings either. I too went to an all girls' school and whilst I had a good education, I think that I got my head down and tried to do my absolute best because I felt a failure as part of the girly group thing.

At the packing shed I'm quite glad that there's not too much socialising time At least I only have to try to take part in the conversations for a total of 50 minutes a day. What an anti-social I am! Actually, there is one woman who I have met a few times outside work and she's really nice - straight-talking, honest, funny and doesn't take any of the rubbish seriously. And I think that's the way to deal with it: don't get at all stressed about it.

I like the idea of being a part of a breed apart

Car-hunting went well in the end. After a depressing visit to a couple of dealers who could only show me rubbishy rattly old rust buckets, I went to see Hel2's friend's car and had a drive around in it. It's a 1977 Mazda 323 - no power steering, no aircon, an original AM radio and a clock that ticks It's only done 29K kms And I'm seriously thinking about buying it. A car with character

And I have the house to myself tonight For the first time in weeks. It's lovely to be able to watch what I want on the telly, to go to bed without being disturbed later when everybody else goes to bed and to go to the loo and leave the door open

ZSF Not so exhausted now I hope? Sorry I've been such a dreadful poster on your threads recently. I'm only getting onto h2g2 about once a week. I miss it. But once I have the elusive 'real' job I shall get a computer and be back with you

Don't forget, Dr Who at 7.30pm on ABC , otherwise it is Inspector Linley, footy, footy, or 'As It Happened'

Glad you liked the car

Slug-hoozling It rather depends where the slugs are, Websailor. If they're attacking plants in flower/veg beds out in the open, try beer traps. I used to sink small yoghurt pots, 1/3 filled with the cheapest beer I could find, into the soil close to the plants they were demolishing. Great way to die , but the downside was that stagshead beetles sometimes ended up dead too

If it's dry, a ring of oatmeal around the plants works wonders. Again it kills the slugs - they eat the dry oatmeal and it dries them out. People say that a ring of salt sometimes works, but only good round plants that are salt tolerant. Soot works too, but difficult to find in June in UK I'm afraid the most effective way to hoozle your slugs is to go out after dark (so after 9:35pm?) with a torch and pick them up one by one and then dispose of them in the manner of your choice.

Hel2: You're a Great to see you again today and sorry I had to rush off to come and feed animals. Dr Who or Inspector L Difficult choice, cos I quite like that Linley bloke

Dr Who for me

I wil watch the end of Insp Lindly, the the wonderful Touch of Frost, I adore the slow moving but riveting english detective stories, no whizz bang, no stunts, just good plots, and twists and turns

I sooo enjoy when Gray goes away, and I can watch what I want

David Jason's been made a Knight in the Queen's Birthday Honours I agree entirely about him - but I can't usually keep my eyes open until the end of the show

Oh that's wonderful news about David Jason , I still think of him from 'Dangermouse", and 'Open all Hours'. He is such a wonderful character

I had a very stong about 4pm, so I shall have no probs staying awake

Great idea!

Excellent, we shall both be wide eyed and staring at a small black box till the wee small hours

Hi, Fb,

Thanks for the tip about oatmeal. I will definitely try that. I could try soot too, as I have buckets of that, as I have an open fire. My hubbie says it would be a waste of though a good way to go and I've tried salt with revolting results

After dark and pick them up Snails I can live with, but slugs freak me out. There's a reason but I won't go into it here It's funny, 'cus I have spent most of this morning cleaning out and feeding my mealworms.

Watching them change from worms, to pupae, then to beetles, followed by eggs, then titchy little worms again is fascinating. They are so clean, no smell, no yukky mess, and the birds 'em (and me, bless 'em!).

I will let you know which method of slug "hoozling" works best!!

for now, and good luck with the car. When I first read about it it sounded good. Sometimes the old ones are the best - Cars, I mean but will the lack of air conditioning be a problem?


Websailor

air conditioning? who needs that when you have windows?

it is winter here at the mo, and FB is heading south, I think the heater might be more important

The heater has three settings: off, low and high

at least it has a heater