h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

An occasional counterpart to Dmitri’s recent series of fascinating and essential guides to American news.

We'll start with some historical context.

Back in 2015, British Prime Minister David Cameron (if you’re not familiar with him, then think of Monty Python’s ‘Upper Class Twit of the Year’ sketch*) called a referendum on whether the UK should leave or stay in Europe. He wanted to stay in, as did most of his cabinet, however he was under pressure from a number of right-wingers and wanted to silence them. He had support to remain from all other mainstream parties, apart from UKIP.

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5ba1OKY7Xc

Cameron lost, plunging the UK into a deep deep hole. He was quickly ousted and the right-wingers (including Boris Johnson** & Michael Gove) embarrassed, decided to lie low for a while. The Conservative party appointed the cadaverous Theresa May as leader, hoping to rekindle the spirit of Margaret Thatcher.

** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hRwnXmdRCo

In 2017, May saw the UKIP vote start to collapse and wanted to court their voters, to increase her small parliamentary majority. To do this she would need to commit to negotiating what’s known as a ‘Hard Brexit’ with the EU (despite the economic and social disaster this would cause). She signed the Article 50 ‘no-turning back’ divorce papers, then called a general election, believing that she would increase her majority from 6 to over 100.

As we all know this morning, her plan spectacularly backfired. She has lost the little majority she had, and now has to try to form an unlikely coalition to continue. Her party’s campaign was a disaster from start to finish. They pledged not to improve anyone’s lives, but to reduce pensions, to tax the demented and to prolong the austerity for five more years. May’s not good at debating, so opted out of numerous TV debates, to the fury of many. She asked the public to back her personally, however her charisma is clearly lacking. It emerged that she went on to lose every marginal constituency she visited during the campaign.

. . .

As I write this, May’s future is unclear, but if anyone is looking for a tip for a future prime minister, I can only refer you to a candidate who polled record numbers this time against Theresa May. I give you… Lord Buckethead:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/40217791/who-is-lord-buckethead-the-man-who-stood-against-theresa-may

I didn't know until a couple of hours ago that this is the third time Lord Buckethead has stood. There is something reassuringly odd about the completely bonkers candidates, I don't know why.

Also: good summary. The last couple of years have been a long series of confused, poor decisions and they are beginning to finally be punished for it.

Thanks Vip

One small typo in there. The Brexit referendum was in 2016, not 2015, of course.

Thanks so much for this, Icy - I appreciate your perspective on the election news over there!

I'm suspecting that the total chaos over on this side of the ocean may have inspired the UK and the Continent to back away from the extremists. If that's the case, I applaud your wisdom, and only wish we'd follow your lead.

I also admire Lord Buckethead. We only had Harold Stassen, bless his heart. He ran for president ten times, but lacked the sheer style of a Lord Buckethead.

http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/02/three-time-presidential-candidate-romney-stassen-115000

He got over 150 people to vite for him as well.

And Howling ‘Laud’ Hope got 119! (http://omrlp.com/ for those who have not before encountered the Monster Raving Loony Party. They are actually a real thing).

http://metro.co.uk/2017/06/09/more-than-150-people-voted-for-lord-buckethead-instead-of-theresa-may-6696511/

(Although that is a link to the Metro, take everything they say with at least a little bit of salt).

Thanks for that. Even your joke candates are eminently electable.

. . .

If Lord Buckethead doesn't make it to No 10 any time soon, we could turn to Mr Fishfinger, who stood (unsuccessfully) against the Liberal Democrat party leader Tim Farron:

http://mashable.com/2017/06/09/mr-fish-finger-photo-bombing-tim-farron-general-election/#pWteNQxNeqqf

Mr Fish Finger is a bit orange - but we'd gladly trade him for our orange guy, I think...

But he wouldn't be able to tweet non-stop with only one finger!

<BB<

This picture tweeted here summarises the awkwardness of the great and good forced to mingle with the loonies.

http://twitter.com/bevanshortridge/status/873070631025123328

Elmo in particular must be cursing the fact that he turned up in the same outfit as Theresa May.

Personally, I think it's a salutary exercise for them. Elmo looks dignified.

This is the country that gave us Boaty McBoatface...

If all this doesn't signal the end of the Conservative Party, what could? The incompetence shown over the last two years is sheerly flabbergasting.

We are kind of hoping the same for the Republican Party. Sorry, Mr Lincoln.

An inability to organise a Pi## UP in a brewery comes to mind.

Shows an alarmingly low regard for the british voters.

Your Lord Buckethead is a fine candidate, but he's no Vermin Supreme!
http://youtu.be/4d_FvgQ1csE

You kept that quiet!

But I don't want to give up a kidney!

The election fallout continues. Two breaking stories:

Justice Secretary Lynn Truss is demoted in Theresa May’s cabinet reshuffle. As they say in Big Brother, here are her best bits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_wkO4hk07o#t=1m04s

Downing Street catfight - Palmerston stalks Larry:
http://twitter.com/daily_politics/status/874597532755566592