h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wrote a guide entry a few years ago about the Berlitz Phrasebook. The running joke with these books is the strange sentences they translate for you - that they think you might actually need when you’re in the country. One of my favourites at the time was in the Arabic for Travellers book:

I want to hire some skiing equipment - (“orid isti'gar mo'iddæt ski”)

Anyway, today’s quiz is fifteen more phrases from real tourist phrasebooks, and their language or Anglicised pronunciation equivalents. Can you name the languages involved? To help you, the answers are in alphabetical order:

* * *

1. Can you take me to the minefields? - (“Minii aaree yolcha vugar vari ah'so?”)

2. I play the clarinet. - (“Wo lá danhuángguan.”)

3. Hand me over those moccasins. -- They will not help you much, they are like a singed cat. - (“Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh”)

4. He swims like a fish. - (“Kolumpáei san delfíni.”)

5. How much for that lot of razors, scissors, knives, horseshoes, and yokes? - (“Heaha ko kela puu pahi umiumi, upa, pahi, kamaa lio me na lei-pipi?”)

6. I have my own syringe. - (“Saya punya suntikan saya sendiri.”)

7. What is your monthly salary? - (“wôl-gûp-i ôl-ma-im-ni-kka?”)

8. Carry me, slowly. - (“Malai bistaarai bhoknuhos.”)

9. Must I swallow them whole? - (“Devo engoli-los inteiros?”)

10. I can't do the cha-cha. - (“Ja ne umeju tantsevatj cha-cha-cha.”)

11. We must bury her - (“Waa inaan duugnaa isaga”)

12. Clean and set this wig. - (“Vill Ni tvätta och lägga den här peruken?”)

13. We (3 or more) will be late for the singing practice. - (“Te mau tômui ki he akohiva.”)

14. Don't pester the girls in the next tent. - (“Peidiwch â phoeni'r merched yn y babell nesa.”)

15. I need something for a tourniquet. - (“Ikh darf epes oyf a turniket.”)

* * *

Alphabetical order, remember. See if you can work out all 15 languages. Smiley prizes to follow.

Can I arrange the phrases into a play instead?

SCENE 1 – Refugee Camp
A. Can you take me to the minefields? We will be late for the singing practice. Hand me over those moccasins.
B. They will not help you much, they are like a singed cat. Don't pester the girls in the next tent.
A. Carry me, slowly. How much for that lot of razors, scissors, knives, horseshoes, and yokes?
B. What is your monthly salary?
A. I can't do the cha-cha. I play the clarinet.
B. I need something for a tourniquet. Clean and set this wig. We must bury her.
A. I have my own syringe. Must I swallow them whole?
B. He swims like a fish.

<BB<

Oh, Dmitri will love that! I certainly did.

I only recognise one or two of these.

Here's my guesses:

1 Aymara
2 Cantonese / Chinese
3 Gaidhlig
4 Greek
5 Hawaiian
6 Japanese
7 Navajo
8 Pashto
9 Portuguese
10 Slovakian
11 Songhai
12 Swedish
13 Tagalog
14 Welsh
15 Yiddish

I have a classic phrasebook from Greece in the 1980s which includes such conversations as:

IN THE BOOKSELLER
I would like to buy some books.
Do you want bound or unbound?
Bound, please. Can you envelop them for me?

Phrases from this book have become recurring slogans in my family:

I am not satiated to look the beautiful view.
I would like to buy some epistolary paper.
When is the next ship to London?
With a good breakfast, the day begins well.

You made me over my lunch. I would have had no idea, not even the Japanese (I'm assuming Gnomon is right on all scores).

I have great difficulty reading foreign languages written in English phonetic transliterations, but that's no excuse, is it?

Gnomon's made a reasonable attempt, but his score can certainly be beaten - have a go!

I love the play.

Very busy day today - I'll try to get back to this. No time right now.

Yes, I thought number 5 was Hawaiian, too.

I'll take a look later....

Can we use Google to help us?

My sister has an English/German phrasebook which was given to American troops for invading Germany in the Second World War. There are lots of "Put your hands in the air" phrases.

I'll bet there are!

There are eels in my hovercraft.
I will feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

I don't permit Googling, Paul. What I normally say is that if you want to Google the answers, please don't share your results here.

I'll post solutions and sources when everyone's had a go.

Okay, but I had to ask.

To be fair, there is no particular word for 'moccasins' in Gaelic; 'cuarán' is translated as 'sandal' or 'slipper'.

I don't do non-Indo-European languages, except a little Hebrew. So here's what I recognise, or think I do:

3. Scots Gaelic
4. Greek
5. A Polynesian language, maybe Hawaiian?
7. This MAY be Cherokee, but I'm guessing. The only Cherokee word in the house is 'Tsalagi' on a t-shirt Elektra's got. And it's in Cherokee script.
9. Portuguese
10. Russian?
12. Swedish
14. Welsh
15. Yiddish - that one, at least, I know.

Attempting anything further would be futile, as the Klingons say: tugh qoH nachDaj je chevlu'ta'. (And yeah, I googled that one.)

Also, it's not clear which language the language is in. for example, Dutch, in English, would start with a D, but in Dutch it would start with an "N" - Nederlands.

Just saying, because I've no idea.

I've used the English names for languages

I've sung musical texts in at least 16 different languages, but there are plenty of languages that I have no clue about. Navaho? Cherokee?

Plus, the examples had few [if any] words I'd encountered, except for ja, which is probably common to several different languages.

Compared with most Americans I'm a linguist, but compared with most Europeans I'm not.