h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here is where I keep the scum of the earth, the researchers who has acted below the moral standards it is my aim to keep at H2G2. Most people are sentenced to 1 hour, but even longer sentences could be passed. Here they shall sit and ponder their actions, with nothing else than Richard Claydermans top hit piano tunes to listen too. Oh, they shall also, of course, exchange their sins among themselves, in order to be able to avoid doing the same mistakes later.

Ekki, you are the first prisoner here. Now think about what you just did!

Oh Look ... it's that nice Mr Clayderman ...

Can I have a job please?

Mina, of course you can. Here, have this Michael Bolton CD. If Clayderman doesen't do the trick, put that on, max volume. But make sure the room is soundproof, because this will fall under the Geneva convention, and we don't want questions about it.

This is great, and I get ear plugs I hope. Its no fun torturing myself!

Actually, can't we make it an LP? cos then the horrible scratchyness of it will add to the general discomfort.

*starts fitting eggboxes to the walls*

Think I left my toothbrush behind ...

Quick word of advise Mine ... you might want to take the eggs out of the boxes before you start nailing them to the walls ... just a suggestion

Oh I don't know. When they start to go off it will add to the atmosphere I think.

Very good. And in due time the scent of those eggs will also add to the atmos. This place is not, after all, intended to be all nice ond comfy and cozy.

True.

*sprinkles drawing pins on the floor*

I think prisoners should remove their shoes.

...but Dragonflies don't wear shoes...

Hmmm.... Ok.

*attaches drawing pins to the ceiling, poining down. Gets a huge fan and installs it in the floor, blowing upwards*

Now a test.

*puts a feather into the draft - it gets blown straight into the drawing pins*

That should do it for our feathered/winged friends.

~strides in in high heels~

Punisher or punishee?

Mina, you're doing an excellent job! I'll be in my office if you need me.

Oh thank you. I do find my work a pleasure.

*goes back to playing "Tubular Bells" for the clients*

OOOO... how trippy...

You think you're tough now, but just you wait until the treatment takes effect. You'll be crying like the day you were born. They all do. That's what Bolton, Clayderman and Oldfield does to you.

What's all this then? I was expecting maybe the Total Perspective Vortex and all I see is something that looks like Woolworth's on a Saturday afternoon.

Ah, another tough boy. The harder they act, the softer they are. We will break you, I swear! MUUAAAAAHAHAAAaaaharklesnort. Ahem.