h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, everyone. I've been busy, so to tide you all over, or to bore you senseless, (take your pick) I've decided, (after a very weak request from SHJ, I might add) to post some poems I wrote. ...I've written. ...eh, whatever.

Also, It's almost my sister's birthday, and one of them, I wrote last year for her. The one I wrote about my mom is called "queen of the hens", Jay. It's number 12.

http://www.fictionpress.com/profile.php?userid=441184

If anyone wants, they can go to this site, and leave favorable comments. Because it makes me feel better when I have lots of comments. Speaking of which, feel free to leave comments here, as well. ...because, yeah, the more the merrier. Then go tell all your friends and everyone you've ever met to leave me some comments as well.

I need comments!

...Also, I haven't uploaded any new ones to the site in a while, so I have a bunch of new ones. Like this one I wrote for a special someone on Valentines' Day. I also have a good one about overdosing on methamphetamine. Maybe I'll post that one someday.

Anyway, any questions or compliments will be addressed and appreciated. Critiques or complaints, however, will, in all likelyhood, result in me writing a poem about you, so just remember that you get what you pay for, so let the buyer beware!


F--- Valentine's Day

I'm only doing this 'cause "they" tell me to
and by "they" I mean the corporations
and since a dozen red roses cost more than my car
here's a couple of old pink carnations

I hate the way they hijack a holiday
just so they can make a buck
not to mention that I'm not catholic, or romantic,
or rich, and just don't give a f---

They tell me you're supposed to like boxes of chocolates
but you say they go straight to your hips
and since I don't want to get you upset
here, have a half bag of chips

Everyone seems to be carrying cards
I 'spose I can rise to the occasion
but all the Valentine's cards cost three times as much
so...umm, have a happy graduation

And then there's that whole... underwear thing
but my knowledge of the subject is spotty
if you ask me Victoria's keeping more secrets
than the Bavarian Illuminati

Not to mention the fact that at remembering your size
I am at somewhat of a loss
and walking the line between too big and too small
is not a line I want to cross

Drivin' along, I see a pet store
and think, a puppy would never get old
but if I were to pay what they wanted for it
that b--ch better s--- solid gold

By now I am ever so tired of this
tired of coming up short
you deserve better than some store bought crap
I'm calling a mission abort

Because there's three hundred sixty five days in a year
and f--- that if I only need one
to show you just what you mean to me
if that were true, I'm f---in' done

Because there's not a day I stop thinking about you
you mean more than anything to me
and no corporation's gonna tell me to love you
only February fourteen

So in closing, my gift is the rest of my life
loving you both far and near
and all that I ask is you keep being you
and, umm... honey, could you bring me a beer?


yeah, I know that puppies grow old. I'm talking about the novelty of having a puppy. I don't need you lecturing me on the life cycle of Canis Familiaris.

...and no, I won't be your f---ing Valentine!

COMMENT!
Hehe. Thanks for your time.

I like it. LOVE the snappy tone - I was never fond of the whole commercial Valentine's thingy (we even have that here now, and forget Catholic, we're not bloody Christian!). Neat punch-line too... breaking the kitsch again. Haven't had a look at the link yet, but I will.

There's another h2g2-friend of mine I've been discussing poetry with quite a lot, I think I might call her over here so she can give you some properly bright comments.

Hey, Penny! Thanks.

Ah, s'nothing... what do you have a Lit. student on your Friends' List for?

*Jumps up*
Where?! Ahh!
*Thrashes around*

...oh, you. ...sorry, thought you meant... eh, forget it.

Where am I?

...umm, were you... asking me? Or was that one of those rhetorical questions?

...wait a minute. Did I just ask one?... Hey, can I ask you a question?

! I JUST DID! HAA.
I'm sorry. Don't mind me. I haven't slept in...
geez. Can't even count that high.

hehehe, I said high...

Yeah, me. At least I attempt to be.

You are on h2g2 - easy question this. If you were anywhere else we wouldn't be having this conversation.

No, I wasn't really asking you, it was rhetorical... I mean, wouldn't want you to actually start thinking what I'm doing on your Friends List!

No, yours wasn't a rhetorical question, which is why I answered it.

Yes, you can.

But maybe you better get some sleep.

Dude! I bet she swooned!

...uh, my mom? Or my girlfriend? ...actually, they were both respectively pleased, so umm,...

FNA, SayHeyJay. FNA!

Well I'm no expert on poetry structure and critique but this is one of the few poems that I'm happy to say I like. It has a point, it has personality, I enjoyed it, I could relate to it, and it wasn't pretentious. Nice. Keep it up so I can say I read poetry.

Wow, geez, right on. Thanks, man. ...you're talking about the Val Day one, right?

Read the others!

I've had a look at them (not all of them yet as I didn't have enough time). I think the last one there, the 'OK City' one, might be my favourite - it has a great Bluesy feel to it!

I'll leave reviews on the other site as I read each one. I hope you don't mind if I'm brutally honest, as poetry is supposed to be honest right?