h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you ever need to pretend that you are a devoted rhubarb grower, here is what to do. Buy some celery and cut off the leaves. Put some red food colouring into a big jug of water. Put the celery in the jug and wait a few hours. And presto - you will have some very rhubarb - like stuff. It is not advisable to actually eat this unless you really like celery! If you want, you can also"plant" your "rhubarb" by sticking big sheets of green paper on the tops of the stalks, pushing them into the ground and put tyres round them. I don't know why but this makes you look very efficient. I would just like to add that I have tried and failed to think of a situation where this would be necessary!

Well, if you REALLY didn't like your neighbours (but wished to appear friendly), and decided to give them a present of some "rhubarb"??