h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Baked Beans on Toast as a Sacrament - A1081360
Author: Doctor Psi - U223991

I'd like to teach the World to eat...a simple, yet mouth-watering way of enjoying baked beans on toast. But do it right!

I think it sounds yucky! lol, I just like plain Heinz beans on two pieces of buttered toast. Call me old fashioned...

As an entry though, I think it's extremely well written! Nice one

Touconos

Sounds revolting, although it is well written.

There are a couple of logical mis-steps in it though. You need four pieces of bread, but only two are toasted. You don't say that. You just have to guess when you are putting two side by side. Then the piece refers to eating the top slice. What top slice?

As a piece, it doesn't yet meet the Writing-Guidelines. It's written in the first person and there may be a problem with advertising.

Interesting to hear what others think of this entry.

"There can surely be no other simple dish which gives so much pleasure to so many people, for so little preparation than baked beans on toast."
You're always on dodgy ground when you make statements like that you know ::AHEM:: A1070218

"Currently, there exists no uniform way of preparing and/or eating them"
Does there need to be? It's just baked beans on toast.

"we can have millions of people around the World collectively eating the hallowed meal in a methodical manner."
If you can get Heinz beans, that is. They're not too difficult to get in Austin or San Antonio, although rather pricey, and if you live in some little town in the middle of nowhere, your only option is an online British goods store - again, pricey, and dependent on having a computer and internet conection.

I feel that the 'You must do it this way' aspect of the entry is over-emphasised, starting with "The following MUST NOT be deviated from in any way"

"On no account attempt to butter the toast."
I like butter on my toast when I'm having beans on it.

"To the gently steaming orange mass, drizzle salad cream all over."
Oh dear God no! What a ghastly prospect!

"And yes, I did see the advert"
What advert? There a lot of us who don't get ITV or Channel Four you know.

"Go ahead and use another brand, but any other baked beans will only diminish the experience."
See my comments above regarding the availability of Heinz beans.

"The toast is purely there as a bean juice sponge."
Not when I eat beans on toast it isn't.

"You are clearly a person of little or no taste."
A bit harsh

All in all, something of an opinion piece I think. The Edited Guide - and therefore Peer Review - isn't intended for opinion pieces. This one might do well if submitted to <./>ThePost</.> though

I have to say I agree with Gosho.

Good comments there!

Touconos

As Gosho says, at this point it isn't ready for the EG, but it could be pretty easily. If you want to work on it, it might be better in the Writing Workshop ( <./>RF2</.> )

a) I think this is more a post entry than an edited guide entry.

b) The author hasn't been around for a while, which is a shame, as this would make a great post entry!

If this were to be changed for the guide, one thing to fix would be the first-person

The Professor
Societas Eruditorum

Thanks for all the feedback! Sorry to have been away so long, but I have been inbetween mad scientist projects, and my eyebrows have only just grown back.

Sounds like the general concensus is for submitting this ti the Post. How does one go about this??

Thanks for all the feedback! Sorry to have been away so long, but I have been in between mad scientist projects, and my eyebrows have only just grown back.

Sounds like the general concensus is for submitting this to the Post. How does one go about this??

Wow! Two very similar postings. Perhaps a quick spell check next time before diving in!

Hmmm... Yes, i do think you are a little bit of a baked beans fascist, Some of your views are a little unorthodox to the baked beans on toast eating world, such as 'you must not butter the toast', and also, 'letting the baked beans drip down onto your plate'. I personally feel that when i eat baked beans on toast, there absolutely HAS TO BE BUTTER ON THE TOAST, and also, when i eat my baked beans on toast i take infinite pleasure out of not letting a single drop fall to the plate. I beleive that the entire task is to get as much baked beans as possible to fit on the surface of the toast, and then to eat it without dropping any.
My suggestion is to you that you might want to readjust some parts to say something like: "some people prefer to eat it in this way, while others tend to like it in the following ways..."
If not, you should change the name of the entry into: "How To Eat Baked Beans On Toast My Way"

If in fact, your way is the best way, then i would question your credentials as a baked beans eater. Are You a professional Taste-tester or something? Maybe if you were the head of the 'heins' company your way might be able to be thought as a standard, but please, i regard it sacrelige against baked beans themselves, to tell other people to only eat them one way!?!?! We're talking about one of the most versatile lower-class dietary delicacies here! Yes, Baked beans should be a Religion, but it should be one of freedom of choice and free flowing love towards each ones own right to eat baked beans in whatever way MAKES THEM FEEL GOOD. How can you say that other sauces cannot be used? you say that anyone who uses tomato or brown sauce has absolutely no taste! How rediculous! baked beans were made for tomato sauce, and if anything can be added to their beauty, it is a compliment to their adaptability and usefulness. the point is that you MUST WRITE as a NEUTRAL PARTY.

You are all missing the point..this article is about the hypocrisy and obduracy of religious dogma.

We all know that baked beans on toast is best enjoyed 'your way', just as spirituality and religious belief should be your own personal experience, not to blindly follow any episcopal hegemony. Being told how, when, why, where and what to think about spirituality and worship is unacceptable, just as being told that the only way to enjoy beans on toast is to slather them with salad cream is unacceptable. I hope you see now what the article is driving at.

Oh yes, Heinz is spelt with a 'z' not an 's' !!

Any Scouts feel that this is likely to be recommended?


Scout

Personally, I think this would be an amazing entry for the Underguide. But I don't see it as being appropriate for the Edited Guide without some pretty extensive editing that would really change the feeling of the piece.

My suggestion would be to remove it from Peer Review, and submit it to the Alternative Writing Workshop, where it can get the kind of attention and glory it deserves.


Mikey

Would *you* like to try and persuade Dr Psi to remove it?


Scout

I agree with Mikey about the Underguide. If Dr Psi is still subscribed to this thread, then no doubt consideration will be given to the feedback.

Just checked and - yes. How about it, Dr Psi?

It only posted in one thread apart from this, so may be AWOL.

No probs guys..I'm still a newby here! I know nothing of this Underguide of which you speak. I would be happy to place the article in an alternate location more suited to the style in which it was written, but you are correct when you say that a re-write would change the feel of the article.

I throw myself on your mercy, and tell me how to go about moving the article to the Underguide. And I don't bite..well, not hard!

Thanks for all the comments. I'm glad to have stimulated such jeremiads and diatribes!!

Psi/.