h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Opti

I've subbed your article "Sir Paul McCartney" so if you'd like to subscribe to the soon-to-be edited entry A16932297 and check it through to see if it meets with your approval, I'll return it to the Editors to join the queue for the Front Page.


GB
<./>SubEditor</.>

okey dokey

Have you checked it through yet?

I see repetition in the first paragraph with 'he is' to read more

Sorted

I hope you don't mind me trying to critique this. Here are things I have found up to Post Beatles.

Do you start a sentence with ‘while’? and it seems an awfully long drawn out sentence.
The song 'Let It Be' is also a reflection of his deep love for her. Does the ‘also’ need to be in there?
>>Paul had another friend during this time, although not so close. Is this really a proper sentence? It doesn’t say who the other friend was
>>George looked up to and admired the older boy very much, and their friendship grew gradually through the years. Older boy … I think it would be better if the boy was named.
>>Interestingly, Decca were reluctant to sign them on. Why?
>> Epstein later persuaded Parlophone Records to take on the young group, a decision Decca must have collectively kicked themselves for. Again why?
>>From a thankless treadmill, he transformed it into a nimble, witty and eloquent force. Fair play to you, Paul. I’m lost on this bit and I thought we weren’t supposed to be colloquial.
>>settle down – almost repetition there
>>and he survived, a fact embedded in many of the Beatles lyrics of the time. I thought they were all saying he was dead.

have read everything now. Heres my pointers.

>>as well singing the main vocals. = as well ‘as’ singing the main vocals.
I think the reason why Linda sang next to McCartney was his way of saying anybody can do it
What is nepotism? And nondescript?
From the quote ‘when the beatles finished…’ should this be moved down under the next header ‘hard act to follow’?
The band paragraph seems to come out of nowhere. What band are unnameless???
>>of course = do you mean he meant to be assassinated !!
Who are ‘they’?
This paragraph is confusing me.
The Prince’s Trust sentence sticks out like a sore thumb.
‘Also in…’ don’t start a sentence with also its not nice.
‘sadly’ don’t start a sentence with sadly either.
Painter- why is there stuff to do with poetry alongside his painting, if Painter is the header? Also I think that the paintings went so well in Siegen that it gave him the confidence to show his work in other countries too including England. Maybe move the last paragraph under Letting Go to the Painter part.
>>Lawyers who represented Prince Charles and Princess Diana during their divorce have been engaged. I’m confused have the lawyers got engaged?
I wonder whether there is a quote on how she really feels about a money settlement.

An artists work is never done. Theres always more to perfection. But I think that its nearly there now.

<>
I don't start sentences with 'while' - but you do, I've seen Gnomon correct you enough times.

May I remind you, this is your entry, Opti, not mine. I didn't write this - you did. I am trying to make it readable and acceptable for the Edited Guide.

consider it self criticism then

There's nothing wrong with starting sentences with "while", Opti. It just happens that every sentence you ever wrote that started with "while" had a grammatical error. That's why I told you never to do it.

When you've figured out what's wrong with what you do, you can start using "while" at the start of sentences.

Opti, why are you pulling holes in your own writing after it has been subbed? Why didn't you do this before the entry was picked?

Annie, this entry is good enough to be sent back now.

OK, Opti, let's look at your points one by one:

>>Do you start a sentence with ‘while’? and it seems an awfully long drawn out sentence.

I can't find any sentence starting with "while", but there is nothing wrong with such a sentence.

>>The song 'Let It Be' is also a reflection of his deep love for her. Does the ‘also’ need to be in there?

Yes, it is absolutely necessary since you mention three other songs in the previous sentence.

>>Paul had another friend during this time, although not so close. Is this really a proper sentence?

Yes, although it is not the way I would have said it.

>>It doesn’t say who the other friend was.

Yes it does, in the following sentence.

>>George looked up to and admired the older boy very much, and their friendship grew gradually through the year. Older boy … I think it would
be better if the boy was named.

It is not a good idea to use the name "Paul McCartney" in every single sentence.

>>Interestingly, Decca were reluctant to sign them on. Why?

You'll have to find this out yourself, Opti, since it was in the entry you wrote, and was not provided by Galaxy Babe.

>> Epstein later persuaded Parlophone Records to take on the young group, a decision Decca must have collectively kicked themselves for. Again why?

Do you really think something as blindingly obvious as this needs to be explained?

>>From a thankless treadmill, he transformed it into a nimble, witty and eloquent force. Fair play to you, Paul. I’m lost on this bit and I thought we weren’t supposed to be colloquial.

Again, this bit was in the entry you wrote.

>>settle down – almost repetition there

But not quite. And again written by you.

>>and he survived, a fact embedded in many of the Beatles lyrics of the time. I thought they were all saying he was dead.

GB appears to have changed this.

>>as well singing the main vocals. = as well ‘as’ singing the main vocals.

Well spotted.

>>I think the reason why Linda sang next to McCartney was his way of saying anybody can do it

This is not the place to be advancing opinions. If you had any opinions, they should have been expressed in the entry.

>>What is nepotism? And nondescript?

Look in a dictionary.

>>From the quote ‘when the beatles finished…’ should this be moved down under the next header ‘hard act to follow’?

I can't find this anywhere.

>>The band paragraph seems to come out of nowhere. What band are unnameless???

You wrote it. And nobody said they were unnameless. You said they were nameless.

>>of course = do you mean he meant to be assassinated winkeye !!

No, she meant that it is very common knowledge.

>>Who are ‘they’? Since the paragraph is talking about McCartney and Lennon, it is obvious that "they" refers to McCartney and Lennon.

>>This paragraph is confusing me.

You wrote it.

>>The Prince’s Trust sentence sticks out like a sore thumb.

You wrote it.

>>‘Also in…’ don’t start a sentence with also its not nice.

Good point. It can be used occasionally, but is better avoided.

>>‘sadly’ don’t start a sentence with sadly either.

Why not?

>>Painter- why is there stuff to do with poetry alongside his painting, if Painter is the header?

Because that's the way you wrote it.

>>Also I think that the paintings went so well in Siegen that it gave him the confidence to show his work in other countries too including England. Maybe move the last paragraph under Letting Go to the Painter part.

No comment.

>>Lawyers who represented Prince Charles and Princess Diana during their divorce have been engaged. I’m confused have the lawyers got engaged?
I wonder whether there is a quote on how she really feels about a money settlement.

Not sure about this one.

>>An artists work is never done. Theres always more to perfection. But I think that its nearly there now.

Opti, if you are comparing yourself to an artist, perhaps it is time you went beyond using crayons. You should be ashamed of yourself the way you are criticising Galaxy Babe. She has spent hours of her own time wading through the stuff you write and trying to make it readable. You should be thanking her profusely, not finding fault.

I won't hold my breath, Gnomon

I've had another go, this time removing all I thought worthless, and adding a final paragraph which Ormondroyd wrote
Would you like to approve it, Opti?

I'll not return the entry until everyone is happy.

Hello again Opti, you were online an hour ago, could you at least say it's ok to return this?

Thanks

There are still things i personally would change but i'm leaving it up to you as to what you wish to do with it.

If there's anything you disagree with you should tell me before I return it, Opti. This site is all about co-operation and making the Entry as good as it possibly can be,

Unfortunately it's out of my hands now, the Editors have asked for it to be returned.

button pressed

...and it's 5th from the top of the queue, so there's a fairly good chance this might be on the FP tomorrow in the Friday Five