h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've lived with many people outside of my family. First, was my husband - we lived together for three years and for all that time we also had a rommate (his college friend). This situation worked out shockingly well, really. (It was the marriage that fell apart, but the living situation was actually so good that it took us a while to realize that.) Then another live-in BF for a year, less stellar success, then various wierd situations after moving abroad (renting rooms in small apartment shared with lonely women...scary) elading to another live-in BF that ended not well. So, after that, I decided to move in with a female friend for the first time in my life. Big Big Big mistake. We had been friends for a few months and become seemingly very close. Now, I think most of what we seemed to have in common was realyl just due to us both being Americans in Moscow, and also workign at the same place. So, we moved into a lovely apartment that neither of us would have been able to afford on our own, tried to lay some ground rules, and then I sat back and watched in amazement as everything went right to hell. We decided we would share "staple groceries" (pasta, bread, cheese, etc) but it quickly became apparent that I was the only one buying these things. Also, non-staples, expensive and hard-to-find things also disappeared with alarming speed. *sigh* I thought, wrongly, that I shouldnt make a big deal out of it, things would get sorted somehow. Like the cleaning, and how I ended up doing all of it. Or the laundry detergent, and how I was buying a new one every week although I hardly used any.
These all seemed like 'little things' at the time, nothing to get riled over, so I tried not to. I should probably have tried to make myself better understood, though, as that might have saved me headaches later.
I think the real problems started when I started dating a new boyfriend. After months of listening to my roommate have noisy sex at all hours with her (married) BF and then cry herself to sleep when he left afterwards, I was rather happy to have found a little nooky of my own. But apparently she didnt have the patience I did when it came to being patient of people fulfilling natural desires. etc etc.
One month, she called me from the airport to tell me she was going to the US, didnt know when she'd be back, and had 'oops' forgotten to leave rent money.
She finally returned and gave me the rent, late, didnt speak to me for a while, and started slamming doors in my face and haning up on my BF whenever he called.
In the end, she informed me (by email) that I would have to conform to a list of rules and regulations because her life was "unbearable". These included specific times at which I could have my BF over, and having to receive her permission beforehand. Let me stress, this was not posed as a suggestion or a discussion, but as a list of rules, a la sleep-away camp for 10 yr olds.
At this point, our roommate relationship was a lost cause, we hadnt spoken in weeks, and I came home from work one day just before rent-time to find a half-empty apartment. Also, hundreds of dollars of phone bills for her calls, and with many of my personal possesions stolen.
The moral of this sad (and incoherent, I know, sorry) story?
-Moving in with friends is a great way to lose a friend. I am sure this is not always true, but keep in mind that living with someone exposes you to aspects of their personality that maybe you never even guessed existed. This could be good, but it can frequently be awful.
-Lay explicitly clear guidelines for EVERYTHING, including but not limited to: food, bills, rent deadlines, cleaning, ***guest policy***.... write them down if no one finds this offensive - you will be glad you did!!!
-TALK to your roommates if you feel uncomfortable about ANYTHING. even if you think it's a 'little thing', those little things can fester and lead to real resentment. TALK!

My ultimate solution: I found a new roommate, who I didnt know before. I was at first a bit wary of moving in with a stranger, and a guy to boot, but this seems to be perfect, at least for me. There was a bit of a walking-on-eggshells period, but now we have adapted to one another, and since we werent close friends before, the usual roommate arguments dont get complicated by emotional 'how could you say that/do that' kind of stuff. I strongly recommend finding a roommate with whom you can be friendly, but keep at a bit of an arm's length.

I know all about moving in with friends!

My experience isn’t as bad as your nightmare but you do find out your friend’s dark side!
There is no escaping bad moods etc when you live with someone

It was fantastic on his terms and I was like you and didn’t put my point of view across now circumstances have changed and there is a wee bit of friction!

Friction is ok and easily dealt with when you don’t really know the person (only as your housemate) you can just get a bit of space but if they are in your main group of friends it is pants!

Hugs
Haz

yes, exactly. that is what i was trying so ineffectively to say: that it is easier to deal with friction and small disagreements if you dont have a binding friendship to a person. if you're somewhat detached, at least emotionally, things dont seem to get out of hand so easily...
well, i wish you luck. the only thing i can suggest is to try talking and explaining yourself as calmly as clearly as you can. and also, if you think that your friendship is in danger, it might be worth the pain-in-the-ass of finding another place r another roommate, in order to save the friendship (if, that is, you could split as housemates on amicable terms.)
hope you're more diplomatic than i was, but dont be a push-over either!