h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wouldn't be in anguish if I had have known that it was Friday. I thought I had one more day of Spring Break left to go. I return to a lovely building thirty miles away from my home and spend eight miserable hours there before booking it home. (Just in case you haven't noticed, this is going to be a whine. Not a rant, not a ramble, a whine. And, yes, I would like cheese with it!) My hands are chapped beyond belief and I'm going to sic the chicken-skin gloves on myself. Earlier today, I sliced my hand open with a stripping knife while grooming one of our bitches and it hurts. *whinewhinewhine* I can't get the bloody microphone on my computer to operate and there's no apparent cause. I'm tempted to smash it to bits with one of the industrial size office tools around here. I have relatives from upstate New York dropping out of the sky without warning. Actually, my mother had warning but neglected to inform me. She came in while I was berating my computer and typing at a dismembered voice and asked if I was going to get dressed and why the turkey wasn't in the oven. WHAT DO YOU MEAN A TURKEY!? A turkey. It's 30C outside and we're baking a turkey. And then I find that we only have five pounds of potatoes! *shakeshead* I was going to feed everyone else corned beef and cabbage tonight, but we just had to have company. I suggested making twelve tons of risotto, but, oh, no, the dear lady has her little pink heart set on turkey. Why me? *whinewhinewhine* The cousins arrive and my arms are covered with potato starch so I run to my bathroom as they're entering the door. I think they've grown accustomed to me running so they didn't mention it. I decide to take a quick shower and am shaving my legs when the dog breaks in. Honestly, I almost gave up. Sherm decides to go to sleep so I finish up and end up with the most awful razor burn up and down one leg. I'm wringing out my hair and the dog hops in the tub with me. *whinewhinewhine* I have enough sense to realize that I can't get out of the tub without people seeing me but see no way around it. Sherman is now licking whatever appendage he can get to because he finds the soap I use extremely attractive (then again, he finds lemon furniture polish, windex, and any cleaning/hygiene product attractive to the point where he'll attempt to eat it). I run out of the tub and scramble around trying to find a towel before hopping back in the tub. The conversation in the living room has stopped at this point. I have found another good thing about being tiny: the average towel can cover me from my neck to my knees. Anyway, being the dignified creature that I am, I stalk to my bedroom and get dressed. I have to make supper of course *whinewhinewhine* so I don't do my hair and come out of my room looking remarkably like Bozo the Clown. Sherman bounces with me to the kitchen and I greet my cousins on the way. My cousin June comes into the kitchen with me (she's older than my parents) and proceeds to lecture me on modesty. My jeans are too loose and show too much of my shape when I move (now THAT'S a new one) and my shirt needs longer sleeves. The turkey is done by now and I'm making gravy. My grandmother suggests that I should use the stuff that comes in the envelope with the turkey. Oh, I canNOT believe she said that. It makes me queasy to think about it, and if my gravy ever turns out like hers, I will promptly commit suicide. Dinner is served, my gravy rocked my world, and life is grand. The cousins have exited MY house. Notice the my? MY MY MY MY MY MY. I hate invaders. The Dead Dog Society is piled up in the living room and around me and the world is at peace. Two more days of freedom. The only good thing about next week is that I will not be having driver's ed because the instructor is going to Honduras. Probably another bleeding mission/vacation. AAAGH!

The best thing I can suggest is to sit down and sleep and refuse to wake up until 8:30.

8:30? I rise every morning at 4:30-5:30 when the sun is rising.

Yes well your a freak.

From you, even such shallow flattery is wonderful.

Hmm that was very confusing.

Do you not have a door on your bathroom or something?

I'm just procrastinating because this 3000 word (+ bibliography & footnotes ) coursework essay is in for Monday and I can't think how to start it. Damn you Lenin! I wanted to go out tonight! Burn!

I do try my hardest.

My bathroom has a door, but the dog has learned how to open it. He finds it endlessly amusing to hear me shriek. There's nothing quite like having a dog that weighs almost as much as you jumping on you in the bath. I don't think it's very safe either.

Well, tomorrow isn't Monday so surely you can still go out? That is, if you have gotten the information needed to put in the paper...Over Lenin? Good luck.

Hey, if anyone needs info about Lenin I've just done a module on Bolshevism...
Your dog sounds cute! (oh and painful)