h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, there are these devices called bras. We all know them, with love, hate, or indifference, however they never know me. I can never find a bra that fits, and it really came to head today. Due to a bit of extra weight gained and then lost, I have... grown and my old bras (emphasis on the old) are fitting worse than ever and are old. Today, I thought, was the day.

So I went to a shopping center with two private and three chain underwear stores in search. I first decided to try the chain stores because of expense, mostly. I tried a few bras within the size range that I would need and then decided to let the 'certified bra fitter' do their duty. (If you've never been fitted for a bra, it's very slightly humiliating and can yield a very well fitting bra in a size you didn't think you needed.) The person then decided my size and came back with bras in several sizes, styles, and brands for my trying on. None of them fit satisfactorily, even to me, and I'm used to wearing badly fitting bras.

I then moved on. The second chain store proceeded about the same way, except, while I was browsing before the fitter, I came across a bra that I tried on as a joke. It turned out to fit relatively well, and relatively is better than I usually get so I got it. Brown with leopard print straps and border. It's horrible, but it's funny at the same time. I will feel so...exotic when I don it.

The third chain store was painful. Wires - padded cups = funnel shaped boobs and very painful gouges in the ribs. Padded cups - wires = very painful upcrawling action. The fitter was also rather bad.

The two private stores were alright. I got two of the same bra at one, because they fit as well as the leopard print one. The fitters there gave up after the first try-on and suggested I have custom bras made, and I told them that the bra maker would have to be blind.

Interesting newly-found innovations in bra technology:

-memory foam cups (really comfy and fun to squeeze; didn't find any that fit

-wireless bras with seaming to imitate wires (great for airports, but painful for people who have more boob that chest)

Traveller in Time not any experience on the subject
"The only thing I know is they get broken in the washing machine. Then the metal braces come out.

These metal strips are excellent steel, very tough, flexile and lasting for years when transformed into screwdriver or tweezer. "

That, they do. I usually stick mine in the washing machine, but the dryer kills them faster than anything else.

You've turned the underwires into screwdrivers and tweezers? Fascinating. Mayhaps I shall start that. How do you do it?

Traveller in Time knotting wire
"For a srewdriver: file one end to a suitable shape, wind the other end with metal wire over a hand length, two layers of wire with lot of space between the wires is enough, use cotton or other fine natural fiber rope less then a milimeter thick, to cover the metal wire until a good handle grip.

Tweezers: nearly the same, only starting the wire in eight shapes tying two strips together. Perhaps make the inside of the strips at the tip a little rough for better grip. "

Fascinating. I don't know how you came up with that, but the next bra that falls apart will be dismembered and transformed. Very cool.

Traveller in Time a warehouse memory for spare parts
"Just collect any intersting metal parts before they get trown away.

One day searching for an extra long flexile screwdriver or alike. Use the fourty centimeter tweezer to pick tiny snails out of the aquarium. "

Haha. I can't imagine how much everyone who lives with you loves the collection of 'interesting metal parts'.