h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, the joys of being sat at work safe in the knowledge that you really couldn't give a pair of fetid dingoes kidneys if they asked you to do anything.

Here I am, sort of on my lunch break. I say sort of simply because I started it almost an hour ago but the boss wasn't around then and isn't around now, so I'll take it for another hour. Is there something wrong with two hour lunch breaks? I don't think so. Personally I think our entire week is messed up a bit.

The Thingites are along the right track, but seeing as I haven't read their manifesto completely, I can't comment too much.

But let's look at the week from the viewpoint of your average Net Nerd.

Monday morning 7am and the alarm goes off. You're not awake, you're no way near awake. You get up, and go to work feeling like a party is still going on in your head. And it's a party that you weren't invited to. Loud banging noises reverberate around your skull making you wish that you'd listened to your own advice and didn't have that last few pints the night before. You get into work, usually late, and log onto h2g2. This is the time when you're most likely to get caught as you're guard is down. Fortunatly your bosses guard is also likely to be down, so you're probably going to get away with it. Lunch time comes around and you start to feel human again, and start to remember the sarcastic remarks that you've been flinging around the office for the last three hours. If ever there as a teetotaller in there you know you'd be losing friends faster than you can say "huh?" Monday afternoon is usually alright, you tend to just coast along and get the work done.

Monday night and you stay at home, or at least you intend to. But all the pubs are putting on promotions to try and encourage you to go out and have a brew. This is when you think to yourself, "It's cheaper than drinking at the weekend, so I'm positivley saving money."

Tuesday morning and you're not feeling good again. Not as bad as Monday morning and the sarcastic insults end at morning coffee break. The teetotaller in your office is starting to think you're a bit of a git, but seeing as they think that about everyone else in the office it's not too bad. You even manage to get some work done in the morning, and you steam ahead in the afternoon.

Tuesday night and you finally get some sleep, and do some washing. Let's face it, we all know that the T-Shirt you're wearing under your shirt is simply to let you wera the shirts twice before having to wash them, and seeing as no-one is likely to see which t-shirt you've got on it doesn't matter how often you change that.

Wednesday is a complete no-brainer. It's the middle of the week, half way between weekends. You're stuck between gearing up after one weekend, and winding down for the next. You spend most of the time surfing the net looking for something to entertain you, trying to while the hours away. I can recommend trawling the So Long and Thanks for Laughing archives, helps me no end. By this time the tee-totaller is feeling more like a member of the team, and not the only person who's not feeling hungover.

Wednesday night and you're not quite sure what to do with yourself. Again it's the half way through the week syndrome. So you find yourself in front of the computer posting on h2g2. I'm positive that Wednesday nights is when ICQ, YIM and MSN gets hammered the most.

Thursday morning and you're in a good mood. You know the weekend is coming along, only two more days at work. So you sit down, work away gleefully and by lunchtime you're fed up again. Clock watching starts to set in. 12 working hours to go, 11 and a half working hours to go... WHY ISN'T IT THE WEEKEND YET! By two pm you're bitching with your collegues and the sarcasm is in full flow.

Thursday night, as some would say, is the start of the weekend. The clubs are open and who can face them sober? Besides, there's only Friday to get through at work, so what does a little hangover matter? You hit the pubs. You hit the kebab shop. You hit the pavement, face first.

Friday morning and the alarm clock is your nemisis. You've either forgotten in your drunken state to set it, or, even worse, it goes off. Repetative beeping noises does not mix well with an alcohol induced injury. You get to work and around lunchtime you realise how thankful you are that you're not the only drinker in the office. The tee-totaller is now becoming one of the least liked people on the planet. Deities help the boss if the coffee runs out. It takes to lunch time before you even start to think about work, and by then you're too busy thinking about what you're going to be doing for the forthcoming weekend. So you only tend to work from around mid-day to 3pm.

Hardly any work really get's done over the course of the week. But what should we implement instead? A whole new way of counting time.

Monday, a work day but you're not allowed to work before lunchtime. Mondays should be "late opening" and nobody should be forced to get out of bed before 10am.

Tuesday, a full work day. Let's face it we can manage it now that we've not had to work Monday morning.

Wednesday, a full work day again. Not to bad because it leads into the first of the two weekends.

Urghday, Weekend One. A sort of mini weekend. A free day midweek to allow for a break and a drink and some sleep and a relaxing break from work.

Thursday back to work for a full day. You've had a break, you're feeling fresh you're alright to work, and hey, you've only got one day left before the second of the weekends.

Friday. You wouldn't mind this Friday so much, after all, you've only been back at work one day, and you've only got to get through this day before the second of the weekends.

Saturday and Sunday are pretty much the same. But with them now being the second of the weekends you've got more time to relax, and you're not as stressed in the first place.

Bringing in a whole new day mid-week would make everyone happier, let's face it. A day to just chill out, have a couple of jars, and not be at work.

Fair dues, it'd mess up the entire global calander, but just because something is uniform across the globe, doesn't make it right. Just look at the UPS uniform for a prime example. Brown and Yellow? What *were* they thinking?

*creases in fits of laughter*

I like it! You could start a new campaign