h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These weekends at uni are strange creatures. As soon as they are over I slide back out of that world, take off the mask of writer and shrink back into this me. Smaller and so afraid of the things I might never be. Three oblivious days since dinner at the prof's, nothing done, nothing written. I've said goodbye to my cotierie, they're all done and heading for graduation and I can't even see the end of the first draft. There is no room to write when everyone else needs so much of me and writing seems selfish and small. And it's hard to write when not bleeding hurts. I can't keep out the static of half thoughts and fuzzy images and under it all there is the compulsion to go and find the sharpest knife...but that's no answer, to write my shame on my body in indelible lines, because it doesn't help enough.

I wish it was different.

For me, in times like those, I wish I allowed myself a vice. I don't know, it almost seems that you're like me in having a faulty self-destruct button. Just lots of internalizing and fuzz and bricks in the head. I wish I had a good solution. I imagine at some level you realize that your your chosen trade is no less shallow than anyone else's; indeed, there have to be those who choose the difficult work of documenting, exposing, examining, etc etc the human experience. As for the rest, God I don't know. Go sit on a bus for a while, go around in circles for a bit, then get off someplace odd, and complete some odd mission. Buy a crappy souvenir that costs less than a pound. Have a cup of coffee somewhere you've never had one. Being stupid and random sometimes does the trick for me.

Much love

It's a little better now. Thank you.

Awwww,

It's good to surrender sometimes. To remember that we are after all, all too human - flawed, chipped diamonds that lose their scintillating resplendence from time to time before rearing up snarling into kaleidoscopic glory. Even the fuzzy thoughts and static are a state of being, after all - perhaps it'd be interesting to chart those landscapes of existence...

I find that at times like these are some of the most amazing: i can wander around town, lose myself in small alleyways of life, the universe, and everything. and it's beautiful how the world sinks in - i notice so much that i normally would've missed. i end up taking a deep lungful of life, and always, always, at the end of it i feel like i've been cleansed, but gently - not like a trip in a bosch washing machine . Matter of fact, i spent the whole of last weekend and then some alone in this kinda lost state, not wanting the night to end, not wanting to see the next day, just wishing that life would stop right there and let me move around in it a bit before it got on its way again. And it was beautiful.

Just run away. You'd know where to..

Picture yourself on a boat on a river...


db

And oh, you can perhaps document the experience when you're through...