h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's a strange expression, is "money for old rope" isn't it?

I believe its origins were in the dim distant past when hangmen used to sell little lengths of rope to the more ghoulish members of the viewing public once their victims had been hanged.

But that's neither here nor there.

I'm talking about Art, instead.

Now I *like Art, I can appreciate it, even if I don't actually like it, just as long as I can understand or relate to the"idea" behind it.

Which doesn't mean to say I'd pay anything for Damien Hurst's formaldahyded animal,no matter *how clever the idea might be, because I like my "art" to be subjectively pleasing, and having half a dead cow (or pig, or whatever the creature was)leant up against my living room wall isn't my idea of a good time.

There's very little*skill in it, you see; the animal, like Topsy, just grew itself, I believe a professional butcher slaughtered and halved it. Mr Hurst just arranged for it to be straitigically placed in a nice transparent(and hopefully sealed afterwards) case /vat of formaldahyde.

And sold the "Idea"

So, in my rather philostinic opinion, that's not "Art" that's just smart marketing.

And feeding on folk's pretentions, of course.

I honestly do believe there's a vast amountof "The Emporor's New Clothes" mentality, meself; no-one likes to say anything that's not "Prescribed Nice" in case they show themselves up.

Well, what of it if they do? In 90% of cases, they'd only be saying out loud what most folk privately think anyway, but don't have the nerve to say!

Having said that, I've rather cynically gone about creating my own bit of "art", make out of half completed samples of bead patterns I've gotten bored with,and know perfectly well I'll never get around to unpicking, half completed bracelets I became bored with,and odds and ends from my ever increasing collection of glittery bits I hoard because they might come in handy if I never use them.

Well? They might!

What set all this off was a rummage at my local boot fair.

I'm always on the look out for nice frames, and I found a beauty -gold wood, about 12 inches square, with a wide mount, and a smallish(about 3x3inch)indented square in the centre,containing...

now really, this is the honest truth; really it is

9 equally spaced and very dead rose petals



Meticulously placed,true, but never the less, about as exciting as paint drying

But... the frame and surround were really nice! Very understated.

And cheap. It cost me all of a quid

And it gave me an idea.



It was, basically, if the creator of that bit of work reckons it's good art, then I reckon*I* can get away with stuff like that, as well.


I'll call it "Recycled/Reclaimationism" for a giggle and see how many people I can bluff into believing me

I gutted the frame open,removed the mount, removed the rose petals, and got going with all those half finished projects and a lot of PVA glue.

There's a few links of costume jewellery chains, and 4 or 5 odd earrings and lots and lots of bead soup all (apparently) stratigically arranged

Infact, all I did was bung em in,fit them into the recess within the mount and basically, I played away quite happilly most of yesterday afternoon and some of this morning, when I got back from the pool.

I thoroughly enjoyed doing it, too. I got covered in glue, and paint(I got side tracked into doing some other stuff...as you do)

I hung the picture up just a bit before it was completely dried



(I'm patient, but not *that*patient)


and it's taken on a rather interestingly textured look - rather like pirates treasure being trickled out of a pair of hands, if you've got that sort of twee mindset.

Once it's dried off properly, I'll get it back off the wall, and re-fill in the gaps; if I remember to, that is

Otherwise, I can claim the gaps are symbolic of something like the fiscal deprivation of the working classes or something equally pretentious when I put my newly created "Work of Art" up for sale with the rest of the stuff I've been accumulating at next week's Craft Fayre!

I'll try and get a picture of it on site before too long, for the crack.



I found it hilarious when Son no 2 did a double take at it this afternoon, and said

"I like that mum, it's quite pretty, isn't it? - you know,*you could do something like that with all your old bits of beady stuff, couldn't you?"




On a totally unrelated tangent,my larder appears to be overflowing with filled Jam Pots: - there's cherry; there's strawberry and cherry; there's Summer fruits, spare raspberry and creme de framboise flavoured jam; there's apricot jam... and heaven help me, I've just made a further 3 pots of the damned stuff, this time, from blue berries

Someone... somewhere, please stop me!

I'm running out of kitchen, never mind storage space

And varieties of fruits, as well.

Hi, Ev,

I am glad to see you are gainfully employed, and sounding quite happy. I agree with you about the pretentiousness of 'art'. It makes my blood boil at how gullible people are. How lovely that your son said that. There must be something in it then

As for the jam - why stop, unless of course you binge on it, which is why I stopped making so much It is such a satisfying feeling, especially if the fruit came free, or at last cheap.

Do let us know how you get on at the Craft Fair. I love them, and I am a sucker for boot fairs too. Perhaps now I have stopped my outdoor work for charity I can go and look for pleasure. I have had some brilliant bargains in the past. Oh, and I had a frame which sounds like the one you described. Can't say if I still have it 'cus things are going to the charity shops once I can detach myself from them.

Take care,

Websailor

Dunno if there *is anything in what young Tom said.. he's like his mother, likes cheap bling and sparkle and has an eye on the main chance, I guess!

I'll have a grapple with the digital camera once it's charged,(the rechargeable battery is on its last legs) and see if I can get a few pictures upon Fokti; you can make your own decision, then

I still reckon it's money for old rope, meself; but I had fun doing it, and it's quite colourful/texturey, so it fulfils what I like tolook at.

I had a look at the structure of the mount and recess....now; if I could work out how to make *that bit, I'd be very pleased with myself.

The thing is with this jam making lark...is that I don't actually eat jam very much; the lads tend to go thru fits and starts of pigging their way thru an occaisional jar of it, but Jam per se isn't a major element of the Cake Household Diet (unless I do a huge batch of home baking, in which case I hide the Bathroom Scales for a couple of weeks, or until I fit back into my jeans)

And.. as I've never made (sucsessfully set) jam before, I'm still none too confident that the damned stuff will keep until December, when of course, it'd be handy to pass on as C'Mas presents.

I'd hate to be the proud donator of a pot of penecillin!

Like you, I'm an absolute sucker for Craft Fayres and Boot Fayres; anywhere where I can find a bargain!

It's the lure of The Bargain... I can't resist' em

I think I must have furnished my flat and managed to dress myself mainly because of that addiction...

But hey, if people want to sell designer clothing for 20p (like the jade silk John Rocha vest I found a few weeks ago) then who am I to criticise?



Oooh! Talking of "gainful employment" I may well have got a job at the local supermarket as a cashier

Apparently, as I'm disabled, I am legally entitled to work a maximum of 14 hours a week.

It's got to be worth a try, anyway

Don't fill in th ebits on it!: they're symbolic o human-kinds futile descent into exterstential angst as a result of ahving to atttempt to thwart the evil dictorial machurations of the capitalist world in which the prolatariat are forced to live, and die, symbolising the eternal going round and round and round wizzy thing and ...

2Legs


Ev. with the supermarket. think of all the bargains you could appropriate I am a bargain sucker too Needs must, mostly, but the habit doesn't go away.


Websailor

And, of course, the underlaying humanity of the piece is broadly indicitive to the onlooker of the counterpoint to the fundimental understanding, as directed through the contrast and use of colour throughout the piece, the artist, through their subjective and objective stance on the base inferences of the piece is tenably and undeniably expounding to the viewer the wholesale and widespread contrast of the fundimental flaws and gaps in perception of the viewer whilst at the same time using the phenomia as represented in the piece to set and contrast starkly with the more obliqily referenced social commentary.

Too Late!



I've stuck on some particually nasty bright blue beads I'd never have got away with using anyway else, in the bald bits, thus giving rise to the question "Wheretofore now?"

Particularly poiniant in the piece is the representation in pictorial form of the strengths and comonality inherent in 21st centuary societys, this is most evident in the piece through the stratigically positioned blue beads, counterpointing the underlaying messages of the form. These clearly deliminate the point at which an exterstential being can, within society as a whole draw both strength and hope from directional strands within that society. The contrast compairs bleekly with the more drackhonian political values stressing the opposite to these effects, as determined by the spatial array inheriant in the piece.

You've missed your niche in life, 2Legs


You could have been a politician with the amount of big words you know and mangle so effortlessly.

Its actually kind of useful in my current job.... Which I know absolutely nothign whatsoever about....But manage qutie sucessfully if incorrectly spelt to bluff my way through technical meetings on metadata XML and XMS bindings, Scorm packaging, and a whole host of other utterly meaningless to me things I'm a bit concerned that one day they might actually give me my own, indepedant project to work on and I'll be scuppered.... Or at least have some very quick technical knowledge and know-how to catch up on I've been discussing WCAG 1.0 versus WCAG 2.0 Guidelines again today... and the merits of A versus AA, versus AAA conformence ... worryingly WCAG is one of the very few techy bits I'm a bit of a expert on
I'm getting quite worried though... I appear to be turning into a female... As I've been doing work work all day and multitasking and doing housework at the same time... At least the PC keyboard shoudl be clean;- My hands sink of bleach

...And of course, throughout the artist attempts, with the self-imposed restrictions of her chosen media, to use the perfunctory metaphores of the media adopted itself to underpin the essentially tradgic undertones of the futility of the struggle as subjectively represented by the piece.... Futhermore the delicate undertones, discussed previously are not wholescale undermined by the dicotamy of the subject being addressed....

You're right..

being able to talk confidently (albeit totally incomprehensibly)about stuff has served me pretty well thru out my life - Working and Personal,I might add.

Put it like this; I've got to be 50 and a half, I haven't a clue what's happened half the time and I haven't a clue where I'll be tomorrow,* let alone understanding that much...

I was very impressed with just how little I understood*any of what you were saying about your work

I bow to your expertise in gibberish!













*Altho I'd imagine an out patient's appointment in Margate in the afternoon might figure somewhere in Wednesday's itinary.

I only* wrote what I wrote in my previous post about work... I didn't really understand a word of it either
I think I get a lot of this 'tallent' from my Father.... now a gardener, previously a engineer, before which food hygine scientist, then food technology lab work/testing, TV fault finder, bookmakers.... amonst others, and I think he's probably not qualified for any of those jobs, but can certianly blag his way through them Actually its quite amusing when a 'customer' asks him about a specific plant or such like... of course he's really not a clue about any specific detail of given stuff... but the customers don't know that ooo Think the laundry might finally be dry time to do some more sweeping then hoovering and dusting and mopping actually... I oughta try get some more work done at some point too

Oh, 2Legs, you are so funny (and clever!) That's the best thing I have read in ages

Ev, you rally should put some of that alongside your art, and say it is a critic's comment, they will be very impressed

Websailor

(probably oughta correct some of my spellings though)

...And the quintersential message of the piece, therefore, is to allow the onlooker to expound their own values through personification into and of the piece itself. By outwardly directing the viewers attention to their own inner struggles and making one look at their own response to the piece (as well as their own reactions to these responses) there becomes a self-evident circular nature which draws itself constantly round and in to an epitamy of many other art forms. Singularly the work is unique in both its technical and philosophical approach, but additionally, taken in context of the artists overall repitiour it draws extensibly on other themes developed in more recent pieces, but evidently draws these to a new, heightened and yet strangely both differnt and familiar conclusion... I relaly oughta go get some work done

I'm going offline now so we both better go get some work done

TTFN,

Websailor

>>Ev....should put some of that alongside (her) art, and say it is a critic's comment, they will be very impressed<<

I way way ahead of ya Webbie

- I've spent an age and a half editing 2Leg's immortal words into something almost - but not quite - understandable, that'll pass scrutiny for at least 6 sentences.



After that, the Will to Live has to be very strong indeed to want to keep reading as I spotted a subliminal message of "Your eye lids will implode if you continue after this point" Hopefully, before then they'll just part with hard cash and buy the picture as An Investment.



As to royalties for 2 Legs...

hows about 6 pots of homemade jam and a couple of pints of or sim'lar young Sir/Madam?

Great Thoughts eh?? You must let us know what response you get. I would love to be a fly on the wall

Websailor

I tell you, I've never had the neck to bluff *quite* this outragously before Webbie, but I can't *wait until I pitch me stall on Saturday or Sunday dependent on which son is willing/availiable to do all the lifting and shifting into my car boot.

(and out of it, which believe me, is no small thing to ask! I think I may have to buy a bigger car at this rate.

The camera and battery has apparently gone on strike big time,so I'm going to take a hammer to the thing within the next 24 hours unless it starts to play nicely

It's Art Jim, but not as we know it.

oooo a pint of beer and pot of jam sounds great and walnut bread... remember And feel free to put my name by the edited version of my comments.... and if you like you could always put the 'MSc BSc' after my name.... I mean Its not like theire in art or anything but hey, they won't know that and if anyone ever wants to question what I've wrote... I've a fairly good excuess for.... my.... not actually having or being able to, see it ....

2legs MSc BSc art critic and lapsed dipsomaniac

You forgot the other letters after your name GSOH


Ev, you will have people thinking they are getting a masterpiece at a knockdown price - perhaps you should Er..... inflate it somewhat

Websailor