h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Poor Eustace. I really feel he should have a nice holiday somewhere with lots of fresh air & cold showers, maybe a brisk walk in bracing air if he is up to it.

Skegness is a possibility. When Jack, Dinah, Philip & Lucy-Ann (no relation) were recovering from scarlet fever, Bill Smugs took them away on a river cruise in Arabia.....maybe not.

Terri.

I'm a little worried about poor Eustace. When one begins to think there are too many ladies in one's bedroom... well... I'm just worried is what I'm saying...

If he's really is concerned about this he should just toss them all out!
Except for Jenny. She's nice.

Yes, it is rather worrying. Poor Eustace

Whilst not ignoring Terri and MaW (hullo Terri and MaW) I am leaning out of my box and waving up at Wowbagger (picture a Celebrity Squares sort of set up).

What ho Wowbagger, haven't spoken to you properly for ages. Scratch that, I don't think I've ever spoken to you properly, cheeky young snipper whapper that I am... (I come from a long line of snipper whappers; it was orginally something to do with the fishing industry I believe; very unpleasant).

There's been a funny smell in the cartoonists' lounge of late: the smell of hard toil. I think it's the smell of hard toil... it could be that egg sandwich you caught and mounted on the wall (a sight which was embarrassing for all concerned). I know we were impressed at the time but that bloater paste and cress butty which escaped me was, oo, at least this big.

That reminds me... have you caught the beard yet? I've only heard unsubstantiated rumours of a small bigfoot like thing seen lurking in the lesser public parks. There hasn't been a confirmed sighting since Wigs by Anatole had to recall that batch.

Well... if we're in Celebrity Squares you've got the center box .

I taught many a snipper whapper in my teaching days. Born to fish yes, but there is also a gardening variety of snipper whapper. Usually retirees that were once old school principals (the type who preferred to be known as 'head masters'). They are doomed to prune their roses and be mentioned in Pink Floyd lyrics of the Roger Waters variety.

Hard toil has a funny smell, not unlike egg sandwich, which is why I avoid both. Must have been one of the other cartoonists who flung it.

The beard is still at large, though the unsubstantiated rumours you heard was actually a mispronunciation: The reports I have heard suggest that it has not been lurking in public parks, just pubic ones. It seems to believe just because I wish to remain in a loving monogamous relationship, it shouldn't have to.

My grandfather always told me that beards were bad news. Now I know.