h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F2093421?thread=8257870&latest=1 Interesting chap.

indeed

I think I need to research his life some more

I've tried googling him, but the closest so far is Dr. Ivor Garlic, who appears to be a herbalist (I take that job with a tincture of salts), and Dr. Ivor Dastardly-Plott who is, obviously, a cat stroking, world domination wanabee from Nicaragua.

Off to the Bodleian library for some proper research

THE EARLY YEARS.

Ivor was born at a very early age on 6th August 1836, to parents The right honourable Rupert Nightly-Meandering and his wife the downright dishonourable Martha Jerez Nightly-Meandering (Nee Clutterbuck)in the family home of 'Treethorpes' in Hampshire.
The name of the house was a compromise between Rupert's desire to reflect the majesty of the nearby scrubland called The New Forest, and Martha's desire to name it after her home town.

Their's was a tempetuous, and explosive relationship, which Ivor later credited with giving him the ability to carry on when all around him were urging him to turn back. Like the time he fell from the second floor balcony aged 4, and, landing on Burlington, the faithful family retainer, killed him stone dead.
Mercifully Ivor survived the fall, sustaining only a slight flesh wound to his inner thigh (creating a scar), caused by Burlington's ear trumpet. Ivor carried this with him to the last.
The scar I mean, not the ear trumpet, that would be silly.
Much has been written of Rupert and Martha's life before the birth of Ivor, and I will not bore you with the details again, but refer you to the seminal work on their lives ; "Love,betrayal,silverskin onions, and the building of the Cleethorpes to Alton fernicular railway" By Tarantino Thrush.

Ivor turned 5 without slaying any more of the staff, and he recalled in later life, these were the halcyon days of youth.
In particular he loved listening to the stories of 'Old Crump' the family groom, who had fought with the British Army. Crump was actually a sailor, but everytime he came ashore he made sure he had a fight with the British army.
It was Crump's stories of derring do and much buckling of the swash, which inspired Ivor to a life of adventure himself.

One story which Ivor retold many times in later life concerned one of Crump's shipmates on the HMS Thrombosis during the battle of Trafalgar in 1805. Crump carefully unwrapped a solid silver snuff box, with a massive dent on the front cover, and showed it to Ivor.
"See here, this snuff box. My old chum Bartlmass Crisp used to own this, and carried it in his breast pocket all the time I knew him. At the height of the battle, shot, splinters, and shrapnel were flying all over our gun deck, but the pair of us remained unharmed. Suddenly, there was a loud THWACK as a piece of red hot metal hit Bartlemass in the chest, and if it were not for the fact it hit this snuff box it would surely have hit the poor begger right in the heart.
You mean it saved his life!!!!!! Ivor exclaimed.
Not exactly, Crump replied. The piece of shrapnel was diverted away from his heart, but shot up his nose and blew the top of his head off. "Bad luck really", he added thoughtfully.

Storm clouds were forming though over Ivor's idyllic life, and boarding school was calling.

SCHOOLING.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a simple man in possession of a good fortune will send his children to a boarding school. Such was the case with Rupert Nightly-Meandering and the first fruit of his loins, Ivor.
Rupert himself had attended a grim, sadistic, and ineffectual school in Winchester, and so was delighted when he found it was not just still open, but was still taking the children of the gentry to beat information into them. Ivor's fate was sealed. He would be attending his father's old alma mater....Grimpington's.
Winchester boasted two schools of note. Winchester college (You know you are firm ground when a school calls itself a college), and Grimpinton's.
Winchester college had the best teachers in England, the finest facilities, an alumni to equal Harrow and Eton, and a wine cellar of repute around Europe.
Grimpington's had something else. It was cheaper.