h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That was the other thing i need to say. Coz of all this, its... I dont know if i still believe in all my paganism and magik and wytche stuff. I dont know what to do. If the goddess existed then would she really have let all this happen? And if she really doesnt exist, then have i wasted 11 years? And if she does exist, how do i know if i still believe or if ive stopped believing...

Faith isn't something I understand... sorry

Obviously we can't really answer all those questions.
What I can say is this:

If there is something higher than us then it isn't going to prevent bad things happening because that isn't the world we live in.

If there isn't something higher than us then you haven't wasted your time. I'm sure that during this time you have learnt new things, been opened to new ideas, and had new experiences.

You will know if you still believe deep down in you. I know that whatever I do, however much I pray or whatever, I will never believe in a Christian God. It won't matter what I do on the outside, on the inside I am still not believing. However, you have to look on the inside and see if you still intrinsically believe. If you doubt it then......

This is the reason Im agnostic. I've realised that I'm not amazing enough to be completely certain about anything in the world, but there is no point (for me) in spending time praying or devoting time to something that might not be there when I could be out hitting police cars with pinecones. But...I'm not going to hedge my bets too much just in case. Do you see what I mean?

Whatever you chose, I hope you feel certain in it.

I dont know.... maybe all i believe in now is the fact that truth is beauty as is pain and imperfection. But thats not a faith. thats life. maybe we dont exist. the past has happened, the future hasnt happened yet and the present is already the past. nothing exists. sorry. tell me to grow up

*can't be bothered to tell you to grow up just yet*

Maybe we don't exist, maybe we are all part of a game like The Sims or something, but what I do know is that we all need to enjoy what we have now. It's not any sort of faith, but I try to take pleasure in anything I can even if it's something simple.
You're right, the past has happened, the future hasn't yet and the present is already the past. It doesn't seem much when you look at it on a page, but just think about what you have done in 17 years. So many lovely and wonderful things!
Faith is always a dodgy concept because there is always the worry that it is just there to create an illusion of purpose. Whether that purpose is true or not is not for me to say. My opinion frankly is that if there is something out there....why is it going to care about us?

The Sims doesnt exist either.

17 years and what have i got to show for it? Manically depressed with a pain fixation??? great.

If there is a thing out there then it should care about us coz who couldnt love this person.... lol. I dont know. it just should

You have your friends to care for you. They might not be able to prevent bad things happening to you but they can have a damn try and they can be there when things go wrong.

I don't know what will make you see how important you are to the world! Threaten to hang myself?

17 years and you've got all your achievements to show, your music, your prettiness, your humour, your love of burgundy (you know what i mean!).

You can't focus on the wrong things because if we all did then half the population would have been committed to mental homes!

I know that I've managed to come out with lovely hair, loyalty, ssarcastic quirky humour, a love of fruitgums and beauty, a good kisser (or so tis said), a vague confusion with the world and a devotion that can come as a surprise.

If i focussed on my wrong things then it wouldn't work....Do you see what I'm trying to say?

I know i know, my friends are beautiful, and id rather be alive and kow matt than not enough. No matter how much he's hurt me.

If you hang yourselfi'll hang me, so tht wouldnt work. And dont think im bluffing - ive done stupider stuff.

Achievements.. music, ok. I agree. Pretty - no way, have you looked at me recently? Besides, even if i was pretty which im not, its not an achievement. Humor - again its an emotion and not an acheivemtn and burgandy... the hypothetical quest for good. And all things perfect. Ok i agree.

Im sorry im so negative.. but....

that's what friends are for....when you're negative

Okay I won't hang myself because it would defeat the purpose of the mission.

You are pretty, and I know emotions aren't achievements but they are things that you have added to the world.

What about..... you make me happy?

ok, but i make other people miserable.

I have added sneezes to the cosmos...

well i've added wearing thick hairy green socks with nice ankle boots to the world

I'm sure you make waaaayyy more people happy than you do miserable!

You've added yourself to the world! Isn't that enough?

Great! By adding me to the world i have polluted it.

ARGH! stop being deliberately obtuse! How on earth have you majorly polluted the earth? You've added more good things than bad things! Do i have to come and prod you?

---------------------------------> prod

what good.

ouch! *hops away*

well like making people happy, being nice to people, caring for things, music, everything that you can think of that is good about you has been added to the world and made it a better place, even if i's just a little thing!
I promise!!!

Gene hunni... you have helped me to find with viewing myself differently... knowing that you consider me a friend helps me...
I know you care for your friends hunni, please don't show thgose friendships disrespect by putting yourself down... you are a worthwhile and beautiful person... if you weren't then we your friends wouldn't care about you so much...

Love and Hugs...

So you do view yourself differently now?? Thats good. Im glad ive been of some help.... thank you. If i helped that means alot. I don't know how i can respond to something as nice as what you've said. x

C'mon Gen, smile.
Take out your cello and spend some time with it. Play some stuff, examine every detail of your instrument, play something that you love and play it really well. It will make you feel better.

As for the religon bit, don't throw it completely away. 11 years has given you *something*, and there's a good chance that it's shaped your outlook on life. Some thinking about things may be in order if you're not sure where to go, but you've kept with it up until now, and to drop it completely seems a little rash. But in the end, whatever works for you is best.

It somewhat defeats the purpose of an independant being to have a higher authority to keep us all cozy and not hurting. For me an important thing is to be able to do my own thing and if that means doing something that has a result I don't particularly like, well, I took a chance. Similar to that is also why I don't like the whole fate idea. There are so many choices and no one can say where each choice will lead that it's against me to believe that a higher authority can protect me from it all. Re-reading my original statement and linking back to this most recent one, it is the fact that we are allowed to make our own choices, our own actions that I value. The independance that this grants us is important to me. I don't see you as the person who would, on a normal day, relish the thought of having someone control you to the extent that it would be necessary if you want someone to keep you happy for the rest of your life.

When you're idle or searching, do something constructive. Even if you don't find an answer to your question you can look back on the time you spent on it and not feel guilty about wasting time or resources. Doing something destructive can also be good but it depends on your mood at the time, and if it's comtemplative doing something you can be proud of no matter what you decide can help. I find solace in my music and my violin, and I feel the time I spend playing while I'm thinking isn't wasted because I've done something, I've made progress no matter what my eventual descision is. And if I want something that isn't all rosy I practice tenths, even though I'm absolutely horrible at them and they tear my hand apart at the base. Because I think the sound of the interval is beautiful. (I'm that way ) Even though I only manage to remeber to practice them when I want to make some noise that sounds really bad, because it does when I try. That or practice Bartok, but that's really to make whoever's listening feel sick.

Whatever you do, however you feel, remember there are a whole bunch of us out here who love you and honestly care how you feel.
Hope all goes well.

Jennifer

Thanks gen.. that took a while to read... but thankyou. Good idea - i'll go and attack my cello now... ive got to practise some orchestral stuff. so... thanks. Id right more, but im still fazed out and stuff. Sorry xx