h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*** Warning, this is a flame, it contains little if any ***
*** reasonable thought, and much which could be ***
*** considered down right rude ***

Firstly, if I say "I'm sorry, that's the only number I have for that company" I'm not being mean, I'm not pulling your leg, I'm not kidding, I mean exactly what I said. That number [the one I've quoted you] number is the only instance of that company/department/person/whatever in the directories, I'm sorry if this causes you undue stress and discomfort, I'm sorry if this makes you unhappy, but that's life. No, I don't 'have' to have any numbers, the numbers we carry are those approved, and supplied by the company/department/person/whatever. We do not have a crystal ball, we can't just reach out into the ether and create a string of numbers for you to dial and talk to the right person.

You have to help us to help you, we need a minimum ammount of information, such as the name of the thing you want, the town it's in (or even near), and if you're really good to us or want a residential number, the street name too. This isn't too much information to hope for, it doesn't require the CIA to compile, it should be obvias.

No matter how many times you repeat the details you gave me, I wont find it if it's not there. "I'm sorry, that number is not listed" does not mean "I'm mean and don't want to tell you, ask me again"!

If you call back, you will probably get back to me because of the way the computer handles the calls... guess what, it's still not there.

I'm going to get more and more annoyed the longer you drag on the call, because you could single handedly ruin my days call stats and cost me money, excuse me if I don't think your 50 pence is worth my bonus.

"This is the time I've rung 192, and you can never find my number!" This is one of my favourites. I personally answer 600 calls a day, most of which leave with a number. Ask yourself, if 500 people for each of the 300 operators can get a number, could it be that you're just asking for crap that doesn't exist, or for a company which isn't called that? Maybe?

*** End Of Flames ***

*twitches* Sorry, I had to get that out of my system, and this seemed as good a place as any to do it.

Hope that made you feel better Sleeter.

When I've got time, I just might return with a simular 'rant' from the callers point of view. but, then again, I doubt I'll get the time. Far too busy being left on 'hold' by some company or another's 'Customer Service' line.

I don't do customer services, I do 192 (directory enquires, talking phone book), we get to 90% of our callers in 45 seconds, and our average call time across the entire centre is 31 seconds. So, not much of your 'on hold' experience will ring true as a counter rant.

If you're on hold [when calling the company I work for], then it's because you asked to speak to a supervisor, and there is normally one of those within signalling distance, which equates to about 30 seconds on hold while I wait for them to get to me and explain what's happened so far. The longest I've ever had anyone on hold for is 1 minute 35 seconds, and that's becuase I had to go to the next section to grab a team leader.

And yeah, ranting about the bad callers always makes me feel a whole lot better... one day I'll have to write a thanks to the good callers (95% of the people who phone me to be honest)...