h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A joke, hmmm...ok, here goes:

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street, when a masked robber ran out of a bank, & shot her 3 times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were ok, but the surgeon thought it safest to just leave the bullets in - too much risk to the babies, trying to remove them. Some time later, the woman gave birth to 2 healthy daughters, & a strong, healthy son.

All went relatively smoothly for sixteen years, then one day, one of the daughters came into the kitchen in tears. "Whats wrong?" asked the Mother. "I was taking a tinkle, & this bullet came out." said the ddaughter.

Her Mother told her it was okay, & explained what'd taken place, all those years ago, when she was pregnant. About a week later, the same thing took place, with the other daughter...

A couple weeks went by, & one day, the son walks into the kitchen sobbing. "It's ok." says the Mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a tinkle, & a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy "I was playing with myself, & I shot the dog."

thats a fab joke gimmeeee more lol how ya doing,soz im new to this site i keep getin lost xx

will be posting more, for sure, luv...just a bit busy today, happy valentines day ...how've you been?

im good thanks,happy valentimes to you to,whats your a/s/l im sure you will have it somewhere am still a bit new or thick to all this lol x

y'know, yer prob'ly talkin' to 'the thickest of the thick' ?

46/m/Canada

thats good lol igota go work yuk just as i was havin my 1sy chat without geting to lost lol chat soon fern x

Ok, luv, don't work too hard!

Ok, got another one :

One evening in the pub, Pete complained to a mate "Y'know, my elbow really hurts, I guess I'd best see a Dr."

His friend said "don't do that, there's a machine at the pharmacicist, that can diagnose anything quicker & cheaper than a Dr., just put in a sample of your urine & the computer does a detailed analysis. It'll even recommend a treatment."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a clean jar with a urine sample, & dropped by the pharmacy. Finding the computer, he poured it in,& deposited the ten dollars. The computer began whirring, & humming, & various lights flashed...eventually, a response came out, reading:

You have 'tennis elbow'

Soak your arm in warm water & avoid heavy labour, it should be fine in a couple weeks.

Pete was pretty amazed at this new technology, so, that evening, while he soaked his elbow...he came up with a plan to try & fool the thing.

So, he mixed together; tap water, a stool sample from his dog, & urine samples from both his wife & his daughter. Just for an extra 'finishing touch', he masturbated in the concoction.

He returned to the pharmacy, poured the 'sample' into the machine, deposited the cash, & waited...it only took a fracton of a second longer, but, when the 'response' slip came out, it read:

1. Your tap water is too hard...get a water softener.

2. Your dog has Ringworm, bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3. Your daughter is using Cocaine, get her into a rehab. clinic.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twin girls...they're not yours. Get a lawyer.

5.And, if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!

thats what i call a joke lol, heres 1 for you

-:D DID YOU READ BOUT THE FARMER THAT DIED ? THERE WAS BIG TURNUP AT HIS FUNERAL LOL XX

Thats what I like, short 'n' sweet ! lol

just like me short in sweet lol

whats the diff between light and hard ? you can sleep with the light on lol x

Colored Joke:

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
When I die, I still black

You white folks...
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
When you bruised, you purple
And, when you die, you grey

So, who you callin' colored?

Tom had been much-too-much of a worrier for years, until he found a way around his problem. His mates couldn't help noticing the dramatic change. "What're you doing?" asked Dougy. "You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore!"

"I hired a professional worrier for a thousand dollars a week," Tom replied. "I haven't had a worry since!"

"A thousand a week!" screamed Dougy. "How're you ever going to pay 'im?"

"Thats his in' problem?"

lol so truea boss heard a noise from an emplyee lunchbox,and asked him"hey is that tickin in your lunchbox" he said no its turkey lol xx