h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He looks beautiful Jim. I hope you were able to hold him.

Thankfully we were. We both got to hold him a couple of times before he died, although because he was on the ventilator it wasn't easy. And we also held him when he died.

I lost my sister 13 months ago. She was 31. I stayed with her as she died. She was on a ventilator until just before. She has 3 boys. It takes something out of you I think.

That must have been a great comfort to you both. It is good that you feel you are able to talk to people about it. The loss of a child is probably one of the hardest things to face in life. My deepest sympathies to you and your wife.

Thank you. Talking about it is actually very therapeutic. Until you've been in that position it's impossible to know how to deal with it, or how to deal with other people in that position. People are often surprised at the ease with which we are able to talk about Alexander, but I think that's because death (and especially infant death) is still one of the biggest taboos.

I'm proud of my son, proud of the strength he showed in his short life, and I'm thankful for the time we had with him.

Yes a very strong boy indeed. I'm sure it was also a great comfort to him to be held by both his parents.

I understand that your wife is expecting again. I hope it all goes well for you both and that she is not suffering too much in the heat.

I almost cried reading your entry(ies) about Alexander. I am blessed with a lovely 14 month old son, Joshua and I thank God for him every day. My deepest sympathies and also heartiest congratulations on the forthcoming birth of Charlotte.

It may be redundant reading now but the NCT have produced a book of accounts from parents and grandparents who have lost babies, before and after birth. It is called 'Brief Lives' and you can probably get a look see at a copy if you contact your local branch. Or buzz me back and I'll see what I can do as I'm the librarian for the Abingdon branch.

Sorry!! For those who haven't come across the NCT it stands for National Childbirth Trust and is a charity dedicated to supporting expectant and new parents. They should be in the phone book or your midwife/health visitor will know how to contact them.

My daughter was very very poorly just after she was born. We were very lucky that she did live. The experience was naturally very traumatic, but as you say Jim, talking about it really helped. It never goes away. It just seeps into who you are. Three years ago my nephew suddenly died of meningitis. Bonfire night. He was ill in the early hours of the morning and died before nightfall. He was seven. His parents never had time to come to terms or accept, he was just gone. Because I had such a 'dodgy' daughter, I, and I expect everyone else in my family, thought if tragedy hit, it would be me. It was so sad and shocking that it was Callum. I am so sad for you that your son Alexander isn't here today. But he is obviously still much loved.