h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The bar has been refurbished after removing the remains of the body of the last student to drink a cocktail here.

We will be re opening very shortly.

And by the way, the afore mentioned cocktail is still available at a reduced price.

*Mort takes a final look at the refurbishment of the bar and casts a quick glance to wards the 'dark' corner. Something stirs but settles again quickly without problems*

Right just one final thing left to do ........


testinggg ze hicc drinnnkkss hupp.
Squalitee kontrol, verry necesessecesary hicc!

*Mort slumps down into the nearest chair which fortunately for him had just decided to move there *

*Wargamer wanders in, and begins replacing the doors with Dragonproof ones...*

Urgh, whats all that noise? Urgh. i dont feel so well.
Thats a bit better

Okay, that's the first door done. Are there any others.

*there is a shuffling in the dark corner again. Mort gingerly walks over to it peering through the gloom. Nestled into the corner bedded on a pile of ashes that had previously been table was......*
OMG! - crikey! - er er
*Mort goes back for another look just in case he was mistaken. No he wasnt. Just as he was about to scream with terror and have another drink he got a big wet slobbery lick on the face. A strange gurgling sound not unlike a cat purring or a bad case of flatulance came from the creature. Mort gets himself another which is immediatley snatched out of his hands and guzzled down by the creature, which then belches most rudely. And curls up to sleep again*

MMMMMMM Need to think about this.

No wargamer thats fine lovely job off you go, hurry along now,no rush goodbye
*Mort almost pushes Wargamer out of the door.*
take your drink with you,in fact have 2 such a great job there lovely.....
*shuts and locks door. Now then..........

*Pulls out his Railgun, and slams a magazine into the loader. The Railgun whines into life.*
Okay, what exactly's in there?

What? where? Oh you mean the err cat? very big cat with bad breath. Just a kitten really, dunno how it got here, very good at killing mice, rats etc i expect.
*Mort decides this would be a good time to hide behind the bar*

Oh hello could I have a drink please.Ive just spent 2hours walking around co_mapp trying to find fluffy you havent seen him have you

Hello Chancellor
Glad to be of service - now what can i get you? ?

*Stops, turns around and !*
Did you say Fluffy?
Did Wargamer send you?
*Mort quickly checks behind the door - nobody is there.He hands White Wizard a *

This... er.. Fluffy. Does Fluffy like a now and again?
Cos I think i might know where he is....maybe
*Looks around bar. There is a student slouched over a table apparently unaware of what day of the week it is due to the fact he has just drunk a cocktail. Mort leans in to White Wizard and whispers....*
If the Fluffy you are looking for is.. erm.. rather destructive with his breath, then you may want to check the far corner. If not.. I have no idea what you are talking about and you have no witnesses either to say different

*hands WW a *
oh and one for the 'cat'

*mutters*.. note to self - must start charging for these drinks

*Clink ... clink... clinkaclinkaclinkaCRASH!!!*

*Wargamer slams down the chimney, firing an Ecto-plasmic cannon back up. He picks himself off, dusts off the worst of the soot, and helps himself to an *

The ghosts are back...

Good to see you 'dropping in' Wargamer. What ? Nobody mentioned to me.
Do they drink and, more importantly, do they have money to pay for them?

*A slimey substance starts to run down the chimney breast - the remains of Wargamers last job*

I will take that as a no then. *sigh*

Leave the money on the bar for the or put it through as expenses, and I will send the bill to the Archchancellor

I'll put it through as "expenses".

Quite right too.
In that case have another

*Gets out notepad and pen and writes 'Wargamer Expenses ~ 5 drinks in the line of duty'*

*Mort heads straight for the bar and pulls a variety of bottles from the shelves (muttering about in the Bursary), mixes them into a glass to make a . Downs it in one gulp and has a few more. *

Ok what do I do know

*he has another and just for good luck follows it wih a *

Now what was I doing...i'm sure it was something important . Nevermind, it will come back to me

*settles himself at a table and *

* floats in and prods Sir Mort, whose drool is forming a patina on the table.*

Hi Sir Mort, Have you seen a small green lizard about. I'm starting to worry that she may have been eaten by a plant.

*wakes up suddenly after dreaming of drowning*

What? who> where? ...
Oh hi speckly, yes i did see fatty somewhere but i can't remember where.

If you don't know what chance have we got

Drink?

Well, at least someone's seen her, that reduces the chance that she's been eaten by one of those wretched plants.

*eyes the glowing bottles on the top shelf*

I'd love a drink, got anything special in?

*Sheds scales and shifts back to being a fish*

Well that was odd, and I haven't even had my drink yet.

*shakes head and rubs eyes*

Thought i just saw a lizard, i need to stop drinking top shelf stuff.

*reaches up and takes bottle from top shelf*

You will enjoy this one - has a lovely taste...