h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My job throws up some fairly strange stuff on most days and it forces me to adopt a lot of different roles from the standard teacher, counsellor or careers advisor to the more unusual animal welfare person, social worker or travel agent.

Today it was my time to be a copper, investigating a horrendous crime. A member of staff had some property damaged beyond repair, a gang of students were seen entering the room where the deed was done but no evidence of who actually did it. The member of staff who had their stuff broken is someone we desperately want to keep onside because she makes our lives so much easier. First step is isolating the students so they can't collude and work out an agreed story where nobody did it. That's relatively easy

Then, as they each starts shopping the other in, we have to focus on the bits they all have in common as the truth probably lies somewhere in there. Through a little bit of interrogation we discover one of our little Einsteins has taken a photo of the entire thing. Success! Except the guy in the photo is only admitting to part of the damage and refusing to say who did the rest so we go to our next stage - barely veiled blackmail: tell the lad in the photo we have enough evidence to get him and him alone for all the damage. Miraculously his lips become unstuck and the true story emerges.

Next stage is the punishment: I was all for public humiliation but was over-ruled by the Head of 6th Form (she ruins all my fun) so we decide on a simple repayment, backed up with the promise of suspension if they don't agree. It seems like the worst bit for the students is the telling of the parents, but that's not going to happen until after Eid (we're not monsters).

So I got to live the movie cop cliche. I do love my job at times.

ohhh that sounds a bit like the jury service I did a few weeks back, it was a case from 3 years ago so we had to sift through everything that was said, and try to arrive at the right conclusion, it was very interesting, and thought provoking.

I am glad you got the culprits though, and your job sounds very interesting....I would have just slaughtered the lot and asked questions later

Did you find out why they did it?

Because they're deeply stupid.

That was a bit harsh and untrue, but they genuinely had no awareness that messing around with someone else's glasses would break them.

How old are they?

Late teens. It is quite worrying some times.

Indeed. You'd think at that age they'd have an idea. Are they handicapped students?

No, perfectly capable. They were also stunned to learn how much glasses cost.

I hope that'll teach them, if nothing else.

While I admire the detective work, I'm gobsmacked by the things the kids just didn't know. Is it that they've never been taught anything anywhere outside the school system, so they just don't know how to acquire or value knowledge?

You needn't answer that if the question sounds unnecessarily silly and wannabe-sociologist. I suspect it does.

Even as a non-teacher, I could relate to that story. As good as any TV detective drama. Will we find out what, if any, punishment the kids get?

Sorry - missed that line. You answered the question in the OP.

Wasn't Eid weeks ago?

There are two Eids around 9/10 weeks apart. There's Eid ul-Fitr, the celebration of the end of Ramadan which was the 30/31st of August, and Eid al-Adha, which commemorates Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his sons as Allah instructed, and is this weekend.

As a slight , the school will be closed on Monday for Eid and a lot of the students are asking me why I'm taking Eid off, since I'm not a Muslim. I have a standard reply for this now - I take Christmas off, and so do they, and neither of us are Christians - but it genuinely doesn't occur to them they're getting a fortnight off for a holy day they don't believe in.

Ivan, the answer to your question is I simply don't know. The lives of my students outside of school is a big unknown for me. When parents come in they are generally keen and engaged but it can be difficult to get them in in the first place.

Talking about weird jobs I have to do, it was my time to work in animal rescue this morning. We have a surprising number of animals who find their way onto the school site, with foxes, chickens and rabbits getting stuck in the last year.

This morning there was a little family of frogs which had to be moved before the students squished them/freaked out because of them. I had to grab a dustpan and ferry them to a little pond on the very edge of the school site which was a nicely unusual way to start the day.

So you picked up frogs without all the bother of having to go to Calais first?

Good answer to the kids about Eid. I have a similar "holiday" type discussion with my bosses/customers (who are in Turkey) "you always have so long off over Christmas...

Last weekend both public holidays were on Saturday and Sunday and in Germany there is no Monday/Tuesday off to make up for missing out on those. And Christmas eve we worked a half day (not me admittedly) as usual. Whereas, as HI said, we've just had the end of Radmadan and now the Feast of the Sacrifice and my Turkish guys wonder why I get a bit cross about their Christmas comment.

In a vaguely related note, there was a(nother) huge frog in our house yesterday so I put it outside (I love frogs) but the Gruesomes' screaming must have frightened it because it was a bit panicy and scratchy. So pretty though.