h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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There can have been few comedy acts who have ground themselves so firmly into the British national subconscious as the cast of the Fast Show. Brainchild of comedians Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson (both of whom had previously worked with Harry Enfield) in 1994, this rag-bag of sketches aimed to literally live up to its name. Few sketches were longer than two minutes, and many were barely thirty seconds long. To the viewer at first, in seemed unco-ordinated and nonsensical, but as the characters eccentricities and catchphrases began to hit home repetitively, they were the source for limitless office-wally impersonations across the countryThe Fast Show spoofed this themselves with the creation of a new character, Colin (Charlie Higson), the office wally, and whose first sketch featured him trying to explain the 'hilarious' thing on last night's TV.

Higson and Whitehouse recruited fellow comedians Arabella Weir, John Thomson, Simon Day and Mark Williams, each of whom had a slightly different take on the assorted characters, giving the show real depth. To list them all here would be but impossible but some of the best-remembered include:


The Suits-You Tailors (Whitehouse and Higson). Patronising and extremely innuendo-laden, these two tailors would work in tandem to thoroughly embarrass anyone who wanted a new suitIncluding Johnny Depp, a big Fast Show fan, who made a guest appearance during the final series.. Allegedly based on Whitehouse's actual tailor. If anyone has ever looked you over critically and said 'Ooh! Sir! Suit you! Aah!', this is where they got the idea.
Sir Rowley-Birkin, QC (Whitehouse). Literally as drunk as a lord, Rowley Birkin remenisced from his armchair, largely incomprehensibly. Gave birth to the catchphrase 'I was very, VERY drunk'
Jazz Club (Thomson et al). Based loosely on the BBC's Whispering Bob Harris, Thomson's compere introduces terrible jazz musicians in a terribly sycophantic way. If anyone has ever looked you in the eye and hissed 'mmmm....great. Nice.' at you, it's all Jazz Club's fault.
'Which was Nice' (Williams). Told ludicrous stories, which always finished with a friendly, conversational 'which was nice'.
Jesse (Whitehouse). Jesse was a tramp, living in a ramshackle shed, who kept a very brief video diary of initially his diets, and subsequently his fashion advice. Responsible for millions of people saying, in a rural accent, 'This week, I 'ave been mostly eating...'
Chanel 9 (Everyone). A devastatingly accurate spoof of a TV channel, somewhere in South America. Mostly gibberish, but occasional words and phrases sounded...curiously familiar. Responsible for God-knows how many catchphrases, but certainly 'Bono Estente' ('Hello'), 'Boutros Boutros Ghali' ('Goodbye'), and 'eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-Chris Waddle' ('?').
Lastly, who could forget Ted and Ralph. Whitehouse and Higson's most realistic and poignant creations, the story of an upper-class country estate owner, and his rough groundskeeper trying to repress their homosexual feelings endeared them to a nation, and they went on to make a TV film.


The Fast Show waved goodbye to BBC TV at Christmas 2000, with three hour-long specials, but the cast re-united for a theatrical tour in 2002.

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There! Got it all this time.

B

Oops...forgot to add 'Scorchio' ('Hot Weather') to the Chanel 9 list of quotes.

B

What about Bob Fleming and friends singing the old country favorites on the xmas special?

"All around my ARSE!"

"And it's no nay never, ACHOO, HIC ARSE!"

And if you want to mention Channel 9, you have a duty to also mention the nativity play from the same show with song like "Stranger in a Manger" and "Holy Sprog, Son of God."

Genius.

I was sorely tempted to include Mr. Fleming and friends, but it was just a bit too difficult to express in words.

My favourite is Professor Denzil Dexter, though:

"We took this skull...from a another laboratory. Good one, Dave"

B

"I decided to study the creatures of the late triassic period and so spent the weekend in my lab labouring on theorams and plans for all the hours god sends. After much frustration I came to the conclusion that my efforts to build a timemachine were in vein and instead decided to study the bones and fossilised remains from this period instead..."

"We took this beaker of bear's urine and heated it to 100 degrees...it tastes disgusting."

"I wish to find out if the cardboard tubes from four ordinary rolls of toilet tissue will support the weight of a human man," (stands on tubes, which are almost instantly crushed) "No."

Are you sure? Me? With my reputation?
Brace yourselves, I'm coming in dry!

Saw these guys live on the farewell tour, a night I'll remember forever.

Got that last tour on video - couldn't get tickets! But it's still bloody funny...

All the characters have their moments but Rowley Birkin has to be my favourite - I could listen to him for hours.

My fave Denzilism - "Socks plus sandals equals beard - especially at real ale festivals!"

Rowley was heard to utter the following whilst in Sheffield:

"All tight...like a ruddy spring, then I let it go...WHAM...turns out it was tied to the wrong rope, the child shot off like a rocket...parents were devastated...I couldn't have given a f**k..."

'Which was nice'

Nah, can't sit there mate. Someone's sittin there...

You aint seen me right?

Bugger.

Turned out shite again!

Black! Black! No!

Lock me in the cellar, and feed me pins, mother...

B

I wouldn't know about that, Sir.

Quack, quack go the ducks of despair

Choppy choppy.

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heh heh heh, you stupido slappere!