h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've shared living spaces in several different situations, and I think that's the common thread among them all: clearly defined and respected boundaries.

1. Shared bedroom with older sibling for a while

Not quite what this entry is talking about but...

* "Personal space" is very real. It isn't some pop psychology buzzword. We hung up a curtain between the two halves of the room for each of us to have some privacy and a piece of territory that was undisputably our own.

2. Dorms as an undergrad

* Learn to discern when it's time to just let it slide, when it's time to approach the individual who's bothering you privately, and when to move up the ladder (head resident/resident assistant/landlord/whatever). Sorry I can't be more specific than that but it's really an art form since it has to be on a case-by-case basis.

* If you make a mess of any sort (dishes, hair in the drain, etc), clean it up. You made it, you clean it.

* Try to get a sense of whether or not people will be more offended if you're too chatty or if you're not chatty enough. I like to keep to myself, but some people see that as rude. So I try to learn who I have to make idle chitchat with every now and then so they don't get insulted, and who just wants to be left alone.

3. Shared an apartment with 3 others over a summer

I was a bit nervous going into this one since I'd only met the people once beforehand and didn't really get a chance to learn any of their quirks. Overall, it worked out alright since due to our work schedules we hardly ever saw each other. Still:

* If at all possible, get separate phones. Cell phones, different lines, calling cards, whatever. The phone bill was the biggest bone of contention. ("Ok, SOMEBODY called Timbuktu.. 'Fess up..")

* If you have any kind of dietary restrictions (medical, religious, or simply lifestyle choice) it's probably best to buy and keep food separately. Borrowing can be rather tricky- I like to avoid doing it entirely but it depends on the people. If it's someone else's foodstuff and it's hard to obtain or expensive, best not to touch it without asking. Likewise, if you have a dietary restriction and want to buy your food separately- do just that. Don't filch from your housemates thinking, "Oh, they have plenty since they buy it in bulk". Not always the case.

* Set limits about guests at the very beginning. One of the group had her brother over almost every night since he didn't really have a place to stay of his own. Guests are one thing, unpaid tenants another.

4. Sublet a room in an apartment just out of college

This was quite a bit different since it was just one middle-aged woman and myself. She had been subletting for many years and seen many people come and go so she knew just what questions to ask during the interview. We got along quite well.

* Decide what costs you're going to split (from utilities to toilet paper) ahead of time, preferably before you move in or immediately afterwards.

* I have to second the other poster about earplugs. It wasn't the walls in this case, but the floor of my room that was the problem- my floor was the ceiling of the floor below; no sound insulation whatsoever. TV, guitar playing, conversation, cooking noises (and smells but then there's not much to be done about that besides incense)...

* Chores won't always be split 50-50. Karmically, it all balances out.

5. Another dorm in grad school

This is a bit different since it's a grad student dorm; we get a bit more space and privacy than as an undergrad.

* Take the other person's schedule into consideration when having friends over. The other person might have gone to bed early because they have to go to work the next morning.

So, to sum up: establish and respect each others' physical, financial, and social boundaries.

I'm planning to move out of the dorms and share an apartment with a friend next semester to save some $. If I come up with any other useful insights, I'll let you know.