h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You say it as if it’s a bad thing; being a fat hairy man of Irish descent? I suppose it is, if it’s a case of mistaken identity, and you happen to be a woman of medium build with alopecia. Or your name happens to be SeamusAndrewMurphy.
Hmmm? I think I’ll stop there; I get the feeling that I’m just digging a deeper hole for myself…

Anyway, no; I wouldn’t say that you walking close to a wall whilst reading a book is a sign of paranoia. Of course, if you were scuttling along, frequently glancing back and shouting “Get away, get away!” at the same time, that might be a different matter. Especially if any approaching people are commanded, “Get thee behind me Satan!”

It seems obvious to me that it’s a good idea to keep a point of spatial reference within the field of your peripheral vision, if you’re walking and reading at the same time. I think you’re just guilty of being sensible.

What I want to know is why rats follow the contours of walls, never crossing an open space unless they absolutely have to. Would that be because they’re paranoid, agoraphobic, or are they reading? What do you reckon?

I’ve just had another thought. (Yes! Two in one month…it’s a minor miracle)

Yup, anyway, I’m thinking this compulsion to walk close to walls might have something to do with your hippocampus. This small spud sized part of your brain; the bit that remembers to breath and pump blood for you, is also home to fears, fight/flight reflex and a few other bits and bobs.
The hippocampus is the ancient part of the brain, sometimes called the brainstem, and it’s been around for a couple million years of evolution, right? Anyway, to this little bit of your brain; you, for all it knows are still a little prehistoric monkey…not necessarily hairy by the way. And the reason you’re walking close to walls is that you’re, way down deep in you psyche, afraid of being carried off by a pterodactyl?

An ancient, subconcious desire to avoid pterodactyls.... You know, that's not bad, considering the high proportion of dinosaurs on our faculty. Oh dear, my less-than-charitable streak is showing.... (Seriously, though, the AVERAGE age is 53 and rising!)

You are quite right to call me on my apparent biases -- I'm sure there are many worse things to be than fat, hairy, male, and possibly Irish. You have to admit the combination is daunting, though.