h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In your article you say:

'An overriding factor in all these cities is that they have warm climates making it more likely (at least in theory) that the game will be a good contest, avoiding errors caused by cold hands or wet balls. '

Pray explain the intricacies of the side-effects caused upon the game when the players are suffering from cold hands and wet balls. I understand that catching and throwing may become a little more challenging with cold hands, but wet balls? How do they come into this.

Is this something to do with the homo-erotic side of the game that is known as the 'huddle'?

Just to enlighten you Rev, as someone who has played (and I'm not American!!)... the balls used in American Football become exceedingly slippery when wet (although Jon Bon Jovi is a confessed New York Giants fan, there is no evidence to suggest he named any albums after this phenomenom). As possession of the ball is all important, a trait similar to many team ball sports, it is imperative that those tasked to handle the ball do not give it to the other team, either by fumbling or the Quarterback throwing an interception.

If you have ever tried to throw, catch or keep hold of a slippery object when large men are trying to beat the living out of you, you would start to understand the problems inherent!!

In order to prevent a comedy of errors and promote a nice 'clean' game (not to mention being able to entice corporate sponsors on a midwinter summer holiday) the NFL likes to keep its showcase game in sunnier climes

I understand all of that, but what are the adverse effects of wet balls on the game? Does it make running difficult? I am genuinely baffled.

The majority of fans like to see well-oiled scoring machines putting up lots of points with breathtaking duking runs and long touchdown passes.

If both offenses have trouble getting off their plays because they are constantly dropping the ball or throwing it to the other team then this becomes difficult if not impossible.

Each time the team with the ball runs a play, it will usually have a minimum of two ball exchanges, the Center snaps the ball between his legs to the Quarterback who then either gives it to a Runningback or throws it to a receiver. Wet slippery balls will make each one of these exchanges an adventure into the unknown with a higher propensity for failure.

When an offense fails because the opposing defense is playing well is an exciting part of the game (particularly if it is your teams defense), however, when an offense fails to excecute its plays because they can't keep hold of the ball... well, it becomes the American Football equivalent of a 0-0 football match mired in midfield where each pass is to an opposing player.

So the Quarterback cops a feel of the centre's oily balls? What strange behaviour, one wouldn't really describe that as a sport, rather it sounds like a perversion.

It's why I never wanted to play Center or Quarterback!!

I was always suspicious of the Tight End position as well!!

Well done Reverend - you managed to spot one of the three jokes I included in the entry. Indeed there was a play on words whereby the term balls might indicate the semi-ovoid object being thrown or run around field; or as we were talking bodily parts e.g. "cold hands" it might refer to the male genitalia aka the balls. When I first wrote it I had put "cold hands or wet balls (!)" But I'm not one for making my jokes obvious or advertising them so I removed the (!) for the imagination of others. Unlike the much discussed balls, my humour remains dry ;-) BBS :-) PS Given that you bothered to read that far, do you have anything to add to the Peer Review? http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F48874?thread=233753 PPS Talking of QBs touching the center's balls, I saw a retrospective of John Elway recently and there was that classic moment from his early days where he lined up to take the snap from one of the Guards. Jeez that guy must have had a fright