h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not ill. At least, I don't think so. I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

I'm going to be busy tonight and tomorrow, but should have some time on Thing.


Geggs

I'll do more later, but for now, should we mention, at least obliquely to The Twist? Perhaps an additional section right at the end, something like:

And there's more...

Of course there is. This is the Disc, there's always something more. For example, that scene at the start which features Lewton's golden stabbing reappears at it's proper point in the plot, half way through the game. After that, everything changes. There's a good reason why this isn't the end of the game, and if you are paying close attention up to that point you may be able to work it out. Suffice to say, you can do things in the game you couldn't do before, find clues you couldn't find before, and maybe, just maybe, get yourself a happy ending.



What do you think?


Geggs

Now, fine tooth-comb time.

In the Ankh-Morpork section there's two sentences that appear to contradict each other:

"One Discworld Noir location that does not appear at all on the official map is Unseen University's New Hall. Other locations in the game, the von Überwald mansion, Lewton's office, Rhodan's workshop, establishments such as the Saturnalia Casino do not appear on the new map."



The ordering of first sentence of 'The Game' section is a bit odd:

"Discworld Noir is the third and last, to date Discworld game"

How about "Discworld Noir is the third and, to date, last Discworld game" instead?

Still in 'The Game':

"They are also important items of evidence and not simply there to collect in the Luggage while getting object after object until the game is completed."

Could we add, ", as in the previous games." to the end of the sentence for clarity?



Now in 'Gameplay':

"The game is the strongest of the three Discworld games even without Eric Idle as Rincewind."

Can we drop the " even without Eric Idle as Rincewind" bit? While is provide continuity with the other game entries, it feels a bit superfluous here.

The sub-section on 'The Game Cover' doesn't really fit within the 'Gameplay' section. We could either move it to 'The Game' or make it a proper section itself.

Though, if we do that, then the cursor doesn't really need a subheader. I'm happy with the text to stay where it is, mind.



The two opening paragraphs of the Characters section seem to have more to do with the plot than the characters. Hmmm. How about having another section, or a sub-section within 'The Game' called 'The Plot'? Then we could move the quote from the start into there, and re-work the paragraphs a bit to something like:

The Plot

'I had never woken up dead before...'
- The first line of Discworld Noir1

The story begins in earnest with the line above. We hear Lewton's voice while we look at his grave outside the Temple of Small Gods. He continues, telling of the events that lead to him lying there, as if the game were his life in flashback. Lewton was the Disc's first private investigator. A recovering alcoholic who hit the bottle hard many years earlier, after being abandoned by love-of-his-life, Ilsa, and being thrown out of the City Watch for accepting a bribe. Unsurprisingly, he became cold, uncaring and not a little sarcastic.

He was hired by Carlotta von Überwald to find her lover, a man named Mundy, who disappeared after his arrival from Tsort on a ship known as the Milka. Curiously she was unable to give Lewton much of a description; for instance, when he asked how tall Mundy is, she replied 'I don't picture him standing up…'. This isn't the only case that comes his way, as Malachite the troll shortly crosses his path asking him to 'Find Therma', but is troublingly short on details. Where does it all lead? Well, to the grave, for a start.



Then the 'Characters' section could start with the sentence about the cast of the 70 characters, and then we could put a footnote on the mention of Rincewind in the next paragraph, stating the he was the main character of the previous games, and was voiced by Eric Idle.

Coming down to the 'Cast' section, could we update the biog of Rob Brydon a bit? I think he's more famous now for being a regular on QI and host of 'Would I Lie To You?'.

I hope all that isn't too much, but if we can sort these bits sorted out, then I think it will be in good shape to throw at PR.


Geggs

Page Turner:
Original Entry: Discworld NOIR - A897906
Author: [...] - U198644

Version II: A87782683
Author 1: Geggs: U201647
Author 2: Bluebottle: U43530

Good points raised, and they've all been added to the entry.

I'm not sure about the getting yourself a happy ending – as at the end, Lewton watches Ilsa fly off with Two-Conkers. I've tweaked the last few words, but what do you think?

<BB<

Can we move The Plot to between The Game and Gameplay, please?

And move 'And there's more...' to it's own section at the end?




Geggs

Okay, moved around now. Do you feel it is ready to go into Peer Review?

<BB<

Spotted a typo: "Discworld Noir locations that does not appear..." - should be "do not appear"?

That should do it, I think.


Geggs

Changed. So unless you have any objections, I'll place this into Peer Review!

<BB<

Now in Peer Review here: F48874?thread=8300718

<BB<

Fandabbidozy!


Geggs

Now Approved! See: A87805786 Discworld Noir

Well done [...] and Geggs!

<BB<

We're on the Front Page?

Yay!


Geggs

Yay! well done both