h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: School Prize Givings - A886269
Author: bbtommy - U203475

Right, any ideas - any recent 'prize giving' ceremony attendees? If so, voice your opinion.

C'mon!

I don't think we had those at my school... leastways, if we did, no-one told me

Hi!

My memories of prize givings....

I went to a state comprehensive in South London with pretentions. I made the mistake of going to one when I was sixteen with my parents, where I got some award or other - I genuinely can't remember what. I vowed never to go to one again!

In the sixth form, we were all forced to do a DCG qualification (a kind of precursor to proper vocational education) and somehow I got a distinction (probably for turning up). I didn't go to prizegiving, and the teacher in charge of it had a go at me about it the next day. I could have pointed out that the prize was an A4 envelope with "certificate and gift token to follow" written on a small piece of paper inside, but I was too gutless and muttered something about prior family engagements. Anyway, turned out that no-one ever got a certificate, as the course wasn't properly ratified or something. Having said all that, I'm all in favour of proper vocational education, having run some in my previous job. They're not for "retards" at all.

To redress the balance, I was persuaded (against my better judgement) to go to another one when I was 18 - after I'd left for university. I met up with some old friends and went drinking afterwards with them and a few of the more human teachers. A good evening, all in all, apart from having to shake the hand of some fatcat Tory MP.....

Otto

Urgh... Tory MP's... Comedy material is coming soon...

I know lots of people get do get good things out of vocational exams, it's just that I know a lot of retards who take them...

And with a bit of work, the "small piece of paper" story could be translated in to a funny ol' thing...

C'mon! More response required...

Should I continue flogging this ol' horse, or perhaps move it to somewhere different in the review system. Perhaps 'Peer Review' or 'Alternative Writing Workshop'.

Suggestions please!

Made me laugh

We had a Tory MP at our prize giving as well.

One of my mates, who was a bit of an agitator, had asked for Mein Kampf as his book (he was studying history to be fair) - he was refused...

You need to mention the "special achievement" award, given to someone who at the age of 17 has finally learnt to tie their shoelaces...

Whoever is asked to speak will inevitably drone on causing the event to overrun for hours.

I would suggest putting this in the alternative writing workshop or sending it to <./>ThePost</.> as a personal view of these august events...

If you wanted to put it in the edited guide you would need to make it much more balanced and cut out most of the bits about sabotage. I think this might ruin it, but it's your call.

Sprout

Yes, I'll send it to The Post soon, and probably move it to the Alternative Writing tommorow.

Giving out the prizes. It is often better if one of the dignataries listed in the article is actually a former pupil of the school as this is supposed to lead to aspirations to all those present that maybe they can become a captain of industry, millionaire sportsman, recognised political figure or pillar of society in some form or other.

I've just added something a bit like that...

Now it's out of moderation (yes, I do apologise for taking the mickey out of some of those pointless qualifications, and for inciting crack cocaine use by suggesting that the local pikies might want be addicted), any suggestions?

I think it's a good piece... what you're not taking into account, dear boy, is the POV of the snotty little b******s who have just walked away with the Ponsonby-Smythe Science Award AND the Bumguster's Prize for the Boy Most Likely To Book-keep for Enron. These pint-sized horrors have their bow to the audience and their smug grin down pat by the time they're 7. String 'em up, I say .

Ah ha! Yes, I ought to do a second POV for those unfortunate.