h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I need help! How to get my affair interested again?

I am 35 and have known a man for 12 years and we met while I was his secretary. He is 18 years older than me, and married with kids. Nothing physically happened until I left the company even though I felt that he had feelings for me too. I made it clear I was in love with him, and after I left we would meet up when we were in the same country (as I moved away) and there would be a lot of passionate kissing, hand-holding and sweet nothings (never penetrative sex as he always said that's where he drew the line), but after each one of these encounters he would be all lovey-dovey the next day, only to totally pull away and be distant for a while.

I met my husband and got married and managed to stay away for a while, had a baby and felt content for a while, but each time I would see something from him on social media etc. my heart would jump. I fantasised about him all the time, and then he got back in touch. From there a whole year of sexting happened and the messages got me so frustrated I asked him to meet.

So recently, he invited me to his house while his wife was away, and he passionately kissed me and told me he wanted to sleep with me, and so we finally did (although somewhat unsuccessfully due to performance anxiety on his part). We agreed that this was something we wanted again, and two weeks later we met up for a quick lunch. Again a lot of kissing, and we talked through the ground-rules of our affair (no phone calls except for during work hours, only hotels rather than home etc.).

That was three weeks ago and since then pretty much NOTHING. I have sent three messages and he has replied to two of them, but only politely and not flirty at all. My last one which was very suggestive, he hasn't replied to at all. I realise Christmas is family time, but he has previously texted me with his wife next to him in bed so feel he's gone off me and don't know why?!

What can I do to get him interested again?