h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Being a lover ....
Post: 3

Posted Just Now by fallen23
I am a lover of a married man.

Our affair has been off and on. It started maybe 4 years ago as something casual which recently grew into saying "I love you" he says he loves me. I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for 6 years. I would say its more of a companionship. And like some relationships certain feelings die.

My lover provides me with the tenderness, caresses, and attention. That is all I ask for. My lover works hard and all the time he is extremely busy. we only see each other 3-4 times a month for 1 hour or 2 at the most. This makes it a painful for me...and that is how recently we had a little quarell which I now realize I have no right asking him for anything.

I ran into this article on being a mistress, I almost felt off my chair! I have been looking for an article like this for a very long time but most of the articles on the internet are so harshful towards women like us. Society judges women like me in such shameful ways when in the past affairs were acceptable.

Yesterday he called me and told me he had no time to argue with me. And that I was very special to him but that he has alot of things going on. I told him to go ahead and finish what he had to do. And that was the end of our conversation.

I have learned a couple of tips from this article. Like he should be the one calling me which he does. But most of time its me. Anyways...I am a strong believer in Love. Just recently he told me he loved me and kept saying it until he made me laugh! He is a very serious man on the outside but when he is with me I am the one who is quiet and let him do all the talking...he tells me all his troubles at home and I do make him laugh which brings more joy than anything.

I dont want him to leave his wife at all. And I have made that very clear. I also told him I dont intend to leave my relationship. So now we are no longer together I believe...I think that was his goodbye. My question is will he remember me? I am 35 he is 65...but very much in shape and sooo handsome!! For Christmas he gave me a necklace with a "key" pendant and told me that was the key to his heart.

In the card he wrote "I love U" instead of saying merry christmas or something else. That really touched me. He does not support me. I take care of myself and being a single mother I also take care of my daughter and mother. So I guess I fit under the "lover" category. Not the mistress.

If anyone reads this a good word of advise will be greatly appreciated...

Oh my dear. It is hard, isn't it. He's a rat of course, and has the best of both worlds without any down-side or consequences to him.

Keep yourself heart-whole. The best advice in this whole piece is to end it while it is still good. The longer you leave it, the more it will hurt.

Be kind to yourself, and keep in touch with your girlfriends - they are the ones who will help you pick yourself up if you fall over.

Ben

Hello,

Thank you for your response. That is exactly what I did.

And yes, he did have the best of both worlds with no consequences to him.

I have not seen him nor called him. Unfortunately I cant discuss it with any of my girlfriends because no one knows and its a very private matter.

There is one person whom I fully trust with my life and that is my daughter. I do the same for her. She knows everything that happens in my life.

Have you been in this same situation or are you currently involved with anyone married?

I have decided to walk away like you said. This weekend I decided to treat myself to a nice haircut and went shopping for myself not for him. And I feel good.

While I was having a haircut I laughed so hard because while I was telling the story to my hair dresser (we have to tell our hair dressers everything! ) I remembered him telling me on the phone "dont hate me". Just like the episode in Sex in the City.

I dont hate him. In the end, I put myself in this situation.

Good for you, girl! Good for you

I've been there, but these days I'm a happily married lady, and making sure I keep it that way.

Good luck.

I am crying my eyes out as I write this as I am having an affair with a married colleague and he has just handed in his notice. He has 3 months left to work and I am devastated.

He is 60 and I am 36 and I've never had that much interest from men. Before him I had no boyfriend for 6 years - no kissing, sex or hugging or any intimacy with anybody whatsoever. Although it's only been going on with him for 5 months we've developed a very good friendship and it's more important to him than anything that we stay friends when he leaves. I believe him - even though he is cheating on his wife he does tell me the truth.

He has always said he won't do anything to risk his marriage and that he wouldn't want to leave her (interesting that he's never said he loves her - tho' that's probably to protect my feelings). He is 4 years older than me.

I don't know why I am in such a state. He said it could never go on forever, which I admit. I think that enjoying this intimacy has spoiled me and I fear very much that I will never experience it again.

The sex isn't that great - he needs viagra to be able to perform with his wife but it's over too soon for us when we have sex. I'm not even certain that I love him.

I feel pathetic. I am strong and capable and independant and used to being alone. If I'd had loads of boyfriends or lovers previously then I'd feel that there was hope for me to find someone else. BUt I just feel hopeless and desperate and alone and ridiculous. Can anyone help me snap out of it please??!!