h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Have been in a very similar situation (minus the swinging) - ongoing now for nearly two years.

I'm in touch by e-mail with my spoken-for lover every day, and it really hurts when he mentions things about his partner - like today, when they'd re-written their wills following him getting a large inheritance.

But the trick, I think, is to remember you have a choice. I don't think you can choose not to love someone (otherwise I'd have done it by now...) but you can tell yourself daily that this is how it is, he isn't going to leave his wife / partner for you, much as a small part of you refuses to stop quietly hoping he will - so you choose: it's this, following Ben's rules or you call it off. When I'm low about the situation I re-read the rules, having printed them off and keeping them by my bed.

I'm quietly trying Internet dating to find someone of my own, but so far no-one comes anywhere close.