h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Interesting analogy on how to be a mistress !
It seems however that your entire existance as a pro mistress
has left you , for the most part, sad & full of terrible
experiences that you have managed ( Because there is nothing or should I say anyone to have a mature & envolving relationship
filled with wonders that you will never experience in your liftime ),
to resort to the only thing or tool left at your disposile !
That is, dishonour men & women while you spit both out like yesterday's trash for your sole purpose!

The truth is even harder to take !
Try this on for size =

The single most powerful point that women like you over look
is your unique positioning .

It blows me away that every analogy women like you use
is backed up , not by some genius skill or some lesson learned
from a devisatating circumstance ( value ) but by something as simple as just being a commodity !

The truth is all women are something that is " saught after " ,
yes a commodity !
Its not like men are saught after !
You can chalk it up as cleverly as you want but at the end of the day
men take the risks & women enjoy the ride !
Men know the value of everything simply because they pay the price for it to the real degree !
Women, as much as you act or mimmic your understanding of anything
are interested in masquarading more than anything.

The reason you get away with it is because you are the only candy store in town !
Translation = your saught after holding the goods.
Men are always seeking the goods.
The store can virtualy sell the candy for what ever price it wanted !
So you can not say that the store actually had some skill or
unmatched advanced understanding of pretty much any other living reason on the planet but by something as simple as a penis itself,
your always in demand, ( a commodity )!

Men don't masqurade, they actually know the scoop & value!
Women spend way to much time conducting their lives around
sexual or inter-communication -honeing skills, all for an event
that usually lasts somewhere between 2- 10 minutes of extasy
(usually for the guy anyway ).

Women constantly pretend to know the value of stuff !
They are imposters with a dream .
The dream is the very thing they tell people that men are ."CONTROL".

It not that I despise women, its more like I understand them &
their futile attempts be in control of men .

Being a man myself, I find that 2- minutes of pleasure is worth making them feel like they are in control of stuff.
The reality is the were never in control & never will be but what a hell of a ride !

As for the 20 grand spent on the basement renovation just to keep
the wife happy!

I would have spent 100 grand to keep the wife happy.
She deserved it.
As for a women like you .
Its amazing at how cheap it really costs men.
Maybe 3-4 grand over a couple of dinners & what ever else
over a 2 year period , it would never be more than that.
Men are not that stupid you know .

At the end of it all we all make mistakes.
We are all guilty of something to the same nasty degrees.
My question to you would be.
Would you really give this advice to your own daughter ?
If yes, you like pain & will never get away from it.
Don't worry though, your not alone.

ps
Take the time to teach & tell young women from your experience
what NOT to do.
Your life depends on it.

ps again.
Freud knew what women wanted , he was just afraid to say it !
If he did, he wouldn't be as popular as today now would he be ?

Joey Snow
Good luck

Thanks for the wish of good luck. Everyone can use a little more luck in their lives.

I cannot speak for Rainbow or Magnolia of course, but I am not 'for the most part sad and full of terrible experiences' - I have had and, DV and with a little of that good luck, am continuing to be happy and have good experiences. Sure I have been through bad times, but the important words there are 'been through'.


What do you mean by the word 'analogy'?

www.yourdictionary.com is not very helpful, but the definitions it gives are:


1 a Similarity in some respects between things that are otherwise dissimilar.
b A comparison based on such similarity. See Synonyms at likeness.
2 Biology Correspondence in function or position between organs of dissimilar evolutionary origin or structure.
3 A form of logical inference or an instance of it, based on the assumption that if two things are known to be alike in some respects, then they must be alike in other respects.
4 Linguistics The process by which words or morphemes are re-formed or created on the model of existing grammatical patterns in a language, often leading to greater regularity in paradigms, as evidenced by helped replacing holp and holpen as the past tense and past participle of help on the model of verbs such as yelp, yelped, yelped.

I don't remember including any analogies in the entry.

Anyway - the long and the short of my reply would be that I disagree with just about everything that you say. It would be rude of me and fairly pointless to reply in detail because I doubt that I would persuade you of the validity of my opinions.

You are entitled to your opinion based, as I assume it is, on your own life experiences. And equally, Magnolia, Rainbow and I are entitled to our opinions based, as they are, on our experiences.

The entry looks at only one kind of relationship, and looks at ways of enjoying that kind of relationship while ensuring that there is no pain associated with it. All three of us have had other kinds of relationships too, and I expect to have other kinds of relationships in the future. There is more than one way to relate to someone with whom one is having sex, after all.

Anyway, good luck too, Joey. And thanks for taking time to read the entry.

B

PS

Yes - I would give this advice, as well as a lot of other advice, to my daughter if I had one. I would certainly give this advice to my niece, but at 12 years of age she is a little young for it at the moment.

And you also say "Take the time to teach & tell young women from your experience what NOT to do", which is exactly what the artical does in many many places.

B

The simple version of describing the use of an opinion for the sole intention of what ? "voicing with the intent to..........." what is your intent or moral or grand wisdom exactly that you feel it necessary to empart to the world ?
You said it yourself .
All these recommondations are for saving one ass only, yours!
Your advice columb should read== How to disregard or take responsibility for anything.
Yes , how to hit & run !
Maximum selfish intake , with minumum emotional casualty .
At everyone elses expense while you gorge and satisfify
that huge appetite called " Power Hunger , the ultimate rush",
that is indeed driven by one thing only .The the buldge between your legs & the appetite of your wallet, clouding what remains of your femininity or should I say
masculininty. ( Opps I'm having fun now, sorry bare with me for just a tincy little bit).
Analogy = You actually took that much time to give it to me?
I'm flattered to say the least.Thanks.

"Ignoring the spirit of a conversation" while you deduct & pick apart the faults or mis-spellllled words actually purposely avoiding the "Gist " or the point, is a task left for people with "evil intentions riding on the back of " The axis of evil" always requiring self explanatory justification for their inadeqacies
& overwhelming commitment to point out their particular, trivial dogma anyway.
You have accomplished what exactly ?
Its obviously your favorite pass time & probably the only thing you have going for yourself.
At the long dayyyyys end, you still have to live with yourself knowing that you have hurt,deceived,people who have had a weak moment perhaps, between their perspective spouses.
"The domino effect", effects children & spouses other friends to very real & trying degrees ,over extended periods of time which you are probably so unaware of because of course your long-gone by that time.

A price tag that you choose to run away from which is " The real price tag & Value .
(Value , here is that tricky word again ( Now don't go & look it up again, try to stop and get simply the gist of it! )
You evade even your grand wisdom that you feel you have to convey to even your own flesh & blood.( Neice ,niece,nice, nicley
' what ever , etc. )
Your portraying yourself as a strong individual when the truth is
you are in fact the weakest.
( I find myself having to take care of people like you far to often
than I anticipated ).


The lessons that you are departing to society, echoe in the ear drums of your potential victims that will leave a bad taste in their mouths
if they venture to take your advice so quickly!

Try to skip over that precise compelling moment when
your about to lunge into your next "Boy -Toy " !

Control that sneaky manifesting "Itch " from down below .
Hold back I say !
Control something, anything!
Realise that this hunk of temporary flesh has a young
& confused women waiting at home pissing him off to huge &
unbearable degrees.

Blame him as much as you want but don't
give him the means & tools to do it !

Stop using your only weapon of choice.
Your thing down there !

You know it,
Sleep tight.
Be warm & don't cry to much in the wee hours of the morning as he
walks away , off to his wife!
You used him ! I don't think so. He used you.
You will discover that as you age & gain more experience.

You can only take advantage of the weak in a trying moment!
Your supposed to help people during this time not crush them.

Pick on somebody your own size like a single guy only.
You can still get everything paid for & have as many sexual
encounters as you like .

You won't do that because they fight back & will treat you
like you treat them .
Stop picking on babies, prey on something equivilant to you.
You will find out that you are in fact the prey at the bottom of the food chain & not like you suspected !
Your advice is harmfull.
It will harm people period.

PS, There is many different demensions TO REALITY but it is reality never the less !.
False conclusions taken from a life time of hurt because of failure
for various & unforgiving reasons make some people view things from one extreme vantage point to another.
From your current ,miniscule vantage point,
you are really just spreading your wings.

Its going to take a long time before you actually fly somewhere !
You are in pain & need to step back
& make an account for yourself & what you do.
Realise that after you have sex with some guys & probably women too,
( lesbian phase )You will feel better.
It depends on how long you like denial.

You enjoy beating people up, primarily men because they are the only ones in bed with you during the act !
Immediate reactions, instantaneious gratification !
Your hungry for something you can never quite get.
"A man's Power"
You are always thirsty never being quenched which would allow you to enjoy other things in the world.
Filled with new experiences far surpassing the 2-10 minute
orgasim .
Its really a 7 day "foreplay session " with a climatic 2- 10 minute
pleasurable act that us men enjoy the mosy anyway!
Wasting serious time from a mans point of view !
Don't get me wrong there is nothing quite like,
its fantastic , ok better than fantastic but gain & put into perspective the time of it all.

Here is the delightfull thing about it all !
The evasive part of your life that you can not seem to grasp.

A women has plenty of power & influence that can reward herself
with so many positive things that are so beautiful & rewarding
to her & everyone around her.
A women with such great intuition & grace changes everything for the good around her.
Her teachings will last & effect & bring forth everything good in life for her 7 her friends & associates.

Her power is delightful.
Its also tamed because of her positioning only.
Remember that because this type of girl already knows
it.
The difference between your style & hers is; she
uses it to her advantage easily, you don't know
what the bloody hell it is !


Her strong presents & strength is masked by grace !
No one ever tells her no because she produces
everything good with good & obvious results.
People secretly want a piece of her.
All the children want to hold her.
The doorman opens the door for her.
Her husband respects her.
He moves mountains out of the way with ease
because he is never angry.
She always give him love.
He never lacks it & craves for it somewhere else.
He is always satisfied .
The young girls listen, they learn,
then they also teach.

Her simple demeanour teaches in fractions of seconds
to everyone concerned.
Your to busy trying to get the wrong power !
You wouldn't enjoy it anyway !

Your driving down a one-way street ,the wrong way
bitching at everyone because they are beeping there Horns !

Explore some real power.
You will have a better orgasm for it !
You will finally understand why men roll over
immediately after an orgasm !
We do this because of pure exhaustion every time
, because we actually orgasm.

If you discover how to NOT just lay there By doing something other than "gyrations stemming from your hips" while in that very familiar position , you know the one = on your back .

Give yourself entirely to your SINGLE GUY.
Give it all, absolutely everything, & he will never let you go &
you will never be in need for a single damned thing.

Respect yourself then try respecting
people.
Let men be men , we are a good bunch of guys.
Let women be women, they are precious & worth fighting for.
Let children be children
while they still can be.

The first thing you have to do is
STAY WITH ONE LOVER.
fOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME.
pAY FOR EVERYTHING YOURSELF INCLUDING
dinners & movies. ( Help the poor basturd out )
Society will be thankful.
The world will be kinder to ya !

STOP READING YOUR DICTIONARY,
THROUGH IT OUT !
Say the wrong thing , spell it the wrong way on
purpose so you can feel again what it is to be a live !

lOVE SOMEONE ,NOT EVERYONE !

The value of things , uhm................
Joey Snow ( Montreal Canadian Guy )
good luck
Have a real good
day.
We all have to live in this crapy world, might as well
do only our fair share.

Come aboard a kick some positive ass !
BE A WOMEN .
Its a good thing !

I enjoyed this.
Joey

The simple version of describing the use of an opinion for the sole intention of what ? "voicing with the intent to..........." what is your intent or moral or grand wisdom exactly that you feel it necessary to empart to the world ?
You said it yourself .
All these recommondations are for saving one ass only, yours!
Your advice columb should read== How to disregard or take responsibility for anything.
Yes , how to hit & run !
Maximum selfish intake , with minumum emotional casualty .
At everyone elses expense while you gorge and satisfify
that huge appetite called " Power Hunger , the ultimate rush",
that is indeed driven by one thing only .The the buldge between your legs & the appetite of your wallet, clouding what remains of your femininity or should I say
masculininty. ( Opps I'm having fun now, sorry bare with me for just a tincy little bit).
Analogy = You actually took that much time to give it to me?
I'm flattered to say the least.Thanks.

"Ignoring the spirit of a conversation" while you deduct & pick apart the faults or mis-spellllled words actually purposely avoiding the "Gist " or the point, is a task left for people with "evil intentions riding on the back of " The axis of evil" always requiring self explanatory justification for their inadeqacies
& overwhelming commitment to point out their particular, trivial dogma anyway.
You have accomplished what exactly ?
Its obviously your favorite pass time & probably the only thing you have going for yourself.
At the long dayyyyys end, you still have to live with yourself knowing that you have hurt,deceived,people who have had a weak moment perhaps, between their perspective spouses.
"The domino effect", effects children & spouses other friends to very real & trying degrees ,over extended periods of time which you are probably so unaware of because of course your long-gone by that time.

A price tag that you choose to run away from which is " The real price tag & Value .
(Value , here is that tricky word again ( Now don't go & look it up again, try to stop and get simply the gist of it! )
You evade even your grand wisdom that you feel you have to convey to even your own flesh & blood.( Neice ,niece,nice, nicley
' what ever , etc. )
Your portraying yourself as a strong individual when the truth is
you are in fact the weakest.
( I find myself having to take care of people like you far to often
than I anticipated ).


The lessons that you are departing to society, echoe in the ear drums of your potential victims that will leave a bad taste in their mouths
if they venture to take your advice so quickly!

Try to skip over that precise compelling moment when
your about to lunge into your next "Boy -Toy " !

Control that sneaky manifesting "Itch " from down below .
Hold back I say !
Control something, anything!
Realise that this hunk of temporary flesh has a young
& confused women waiting at home pissing him off to huge &
unbearable degrees.

Blame him as much as you want but don't
give him the means & tools to do it !

Stop using your only weapon of choice.
Your thing down there !

You know it,
Sleep tight.
Be warm & don't cry to much in the wee hours of the morning as he
walks away , off to his wife!
You used him ! I don't think so. He used you.
You will discover that as you age & gain more experience.

You can only take advantage of the weak in a trying moment!
Your supposed to help people during this time not crush them.

Pick on somebody your own size like a single guy only.
You can still get everything paid for & have as many sexual
encounters as you like .

You won't do that because they fight back & will treat you
like you treat them .
Stop picking on babies, prey on something equivilant to you.
You will find out that you are in fact the prey at the bottom of the food chain & not like you suspected !
Your advice is harmfull.
It will harm people period.

PS, There is many different demensions TO REALITY but it is reality never the less !.
False conclusions taken from a life time of hurt because of failure
for various & unforgiving reasons make some people view things from one extreme vantage point to another.
From your current ,miniscule vantage point,
you are really just spreading your wings.

Its going to take a long time before you actually fly somewhere !
You are in pain & need to step back
& make an account for yourself & what you do.
Realise that after you have sex with some guys & probably women too,
( lesbian phase )You will feel better.
It depends on how long you like denial.

You enjoy beating people up, primarily men because they are the only ones in bed with you during the act !
Immediate reactions, instantaneious gratification !
Your hungry for something you can never quite get.
"A man's Power"
You are always thirsty never being quenched which would allow you to enjoy other things in the world.
Filled with new experiences far surpassing the 2-10 minute
orgasim .
Its really a 7 day "foreplay session " with a climatic 2- 10 minute
pleasurable act that us men enjoy the mosy anyway!
Wasting serious time from a mans point of view !
Don't get me wrong there is nothing quite like,
its fantastic , ok better than fantastic but gain & put into perspective the time of it all.

Here is the delightfull thing about it all !
The evasive part of your life that you can not seem to grasp.

A women has plenty of power & influence that can reward herself
with so many positive things that are so beautiful & rewarding
to her & everyone around her.
A women with such great intuition & grace changes everything for the good around her.
Her teachings will last & effect & bring forth everything good in life for her 7 her friends & associates.

Her power is delightful.
Its also tamed because of her positioning only.
Remember that because this type of girl already knows
it.
The difference between your style & hers is; she
uses it to her advantage easily, you don't know
what the bloody hell it is !


Her strong presents & strength is masked by grace !
No one ever tells her no because she produces
everything good with good & obvious results.
People secretly want a piece of her.
All the children want to hold her.
The doorman opens the door for her.
Her husband respects her.
He moves mountains out of the way with ease
because he is never angry.
She always give him love.
He never lacks it & craves for it somewhere else.
He is always satisfied .
The young girls listen, they learn,
then they also teach.

Her simple demeanour teaches in fractions of seconds
to everyone concerned.
Your to busy trying to get the wrong power !
You wouldn't enjoy it anyway !

Your driving down a one-way street ,the wrong way
bitching at everyone because they are beeping there Horns !

Explore some real power.
You will have a better orgasm for it !
You will finally understand why men roll over
immediately after an orgasm !
We do this because of pure exhaustion every time
, because we actually orgasm.

If you discover how to NOT just lay there By doing something other than "gyrations stemming from your hips" while in that very familiar position , you know the one = on your back .

Give yourself entirely to your SINGLE GUY.
Give it all, absolutely everything, & he will never let you go &
you will never be in need for a single damned thing.

Respect yourself then try respecting
people.
Let men be men , we are a good bunch of guys.
Let women be women, they are precious & worth fighting for.
Let children be children
while they still can be.

The first thing you have to do is
STAY WITH ONE LOVER.
fOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME.
pAY FOR EVERYTHING YOURSELF INCLUDING
dinners & movies. ( Help the poor basturd out )
Society will be thankful.
The world will be kinder to ya !

STOP READING YOUR DICTIONARY,
THROUGH IT OUT !
Say the wrong thing , spell it the wrong way on
purpose so you can feel again what it is to be a live !

lOVE SOMEONE ,NOT EVERYONE !

The value of things , uhm................
Joey Snow ( Montreal Canadian Guy )
good luck
Have a real good
day.
We all have to live in this crapy world, might as well
do only our fair share.

Come aboard a kick some positive ass !
BE A WOMEN .
Its a good thing !

I enjoyed this.
Joey

Joey

I am glad for you that you feel so secure in your opinions about the world.

I did not attack your spelling, but in a medium which consists only of words, we can only communicate effectively if we all use words accurately. I genuinely could not understand what you meant, and I was doing you the courtesey of trying to understand you, which was why I tried to understand what you meant by the use of the word 'analogy'.

As I said, there is no point in taking your post line by line. I agree with some of what you say. You may be surprised by how much of it I agree with because you have made massive assumptions about me, my life, my attitudes, my history, my friends and my lovers, which means that you assume that we are in disagreement. However you missed the points of agreement in the entry, so I can only assume that you will miss them if I restate them here.

All the best

B

Bowing out gracefully.

I like it.

Ps ,Make no assumptions about it !
I never assumed a damn thing.
Its all there , straight forward & in black & white.

I don't presume much , I just spell bad sometimes !
Ha, Ha.
Smiles.

Chow & thanks
Joey SNowy
Mtl Canada.


A poem for ya =

The wind & the rain
is a gift with a kiss
from GOD.
j.s.

Another one =

If I could change the world by doing one thing
I would show the world how possible it is to remember
the breath I took prior to this one.
Joey SNow.

I really like your poems Joey.

I'll see you around h2g2, no doubt.

All the best

B

I agree with Mistress and Joey both.

My side of the story from personal experiences alone.

I very, very much related to mistress' opinion and experiences. I have lived and continue to live many relationships with both married men and single men as she described.

My personal experience. I have been happily divorced for 13 years. I have had three serious relationships with "single" men in that time. One could not accept my responsibility as a mother, nor was he interested in participating as a parent in my child’s life. This was with a friend I had known since before I was married about 23 years. We had been high school secret fans of each other, but at that stage in life were not committed or even dating. After five improbable meetings, at regular 3 year intervals, "In different cities"; It just so happened that we finally gave into our lust. We attempted a commitment together for 1 year. It did not work and ended sadly. I ran into him again, once, right on time. At the usual 3-year interval, we by chance of course met at a Best Buy store where he once again tried to engage me. At which point, I against my strongest urge walked away. Sadly, I have now past our 23 yr cycle of tri-annual meetings and I do miss him terribly.....

The second long term relationship lasted for nearly 4 years. Where, against my own inner judgment, but at the advice and so-called "Support" of my friends and family; I regrettably after one 1/2 yrs my steady boy friend and I moved in together. After 6 months of living together "2 yr in the relationship,” I quite by accident discover he has a secret. He enjoys masturbating while wearing women’s clothing.

I tried to deal with it. I tried to work with him. I tried to get past the disgusting thoughts, feelings, and sickness that overwhelmed me whenever he touched me. Nevertheless, I could not. I could not keep from literally throwing up anything I may have had down or even the dry heaves after or even near him touching me. It took me 2 years, 2 Years to get out of that relationship and back to my previous happy life.

This included friends from all over the USA that were and still are married. Who throughout any of my other relationships or theirs I might add have continued to be my closest, nearest and dearest friends. I may add that some of these "married" men were "boy-toys" while they were single and then got married, have families and still even after 11 years for the longest is one of my best friends today.

Therefore, I have come to the conclusion, after my latest catastrophe with a "single" man. Who in my eyes was and still is the perfect human being on this earth. Despite the fact that he ripped my heart out through my throat, threw it to the ground, ground it in the dirt and then dumped it in an ocean millions of light years from here after 2-years. That the universe and my so called "control syndrome" and lack of moral's proved to me, those 4 long term standing relationships are still in tack and I think always will be. I should note* That, during any relationship that I have had with a "single man" they have all been 100% monogomous. Just in case that was not clear to you Joey..........

Why? Because, as mistress spells out in her article of experiences, we have rules. We have an understanding and above all, we have fun.

I do have to object to one statement in her article however. That is that there is NO emotional involvement. In the case of my four "boy-toys" as we call them there is most definitely an emotional commitment. However, in my humble opinion, what rights the wrong is the fact that, we truly do love each other. Un-conditionally, forever, until death do us part or one of us screw up so royally as to ruin it, through thick and thin, etc. etc. etc. What is missing there? The day-to-day stresses the wife is dealing with, which I agree 100% does deserve all of my admiration and support. Never in 1 million years would I hurt any of these woman or children, nor would I ever truly want their men on a full time basis.

For me, it’s a means to keep from the pain described above. It is a vehicle that I am using to get me through raising my child. At least that is what I tell msyelf and it works. You see, until I can move from my prison, which I live in by my choice, I should add, and start my own life when my son is raised, I live two lives one as a parent, and one as a free single woman. It is in fact a feed to my own self-esteem in which I have none. A means to have that which I do not believe I deserve. Happiness, from such a dedicated and loving man! HA, I laugh at the thought, that such a praised man would exist for such as myself. Yes, I too pay a price, of self-loathing, which I have been paying since long before I was ever a mistress.

Therefore, in agreement with Joey, yes I know this is a self-destructive means of living. But on the behalf of Mistress and the others like us, I also believe religiously and in my heart that as long as I DO NOT hurt anyone but myself, and both parties truly do have a part, that it is NOT morally wrong.

With that, I shall close. Peace to you all....

Joey, remember this. Everyone has the right to his or her opinion, voice, and religion.

If you spend all your time and energy trying to change everyone to your opinion or religion, does that make you morally or justifiably right?

I think they call that JUDGEMENT in the bible.....................

Tiggrsrfun

I read your story and was moved by it, Tiggrsrfun. Thank you for posting it here. I am not sure whether or not Joey will come out of the woodwork to blast you for writing it.

The advice about not falling in love is just that, advice. And that advice is more about self-protection than anything else. It hurts to love someone who cannot be with you, and to come second in practical considerations, like what time you spend together.

One of the things I have been thinking a lot about recently is infidelity. It is clear that it matters a great deal to some women whether or not their partner is physically unfaithful, and that to others it matters not one whit.

To my way of thinking there are so many things that men and women can do together - there is a difference between making love, having sex and f**king for a start - and some sex is simply more important than other sex. I truly think that physical infidelity is NOT the end of the world for a marriage, or it need not be.

Anyway, it is early, and I should be getting dressed and going to work.

Ben

I didn't read everything you wrote, but you sound like you are in a lot more pain the the author of the article. No offense either, just my assessment. Hugs to you.

BTW, my message was directed to Joey.

I don't know if you are still on this subject, but I would like to say,
you are very judgmental, sometimes there are reasons married men stray that have nothing to do with fidelity. They can't leave a wife because she has been ill a long time and they feel obligated to take care of her. That's just one. There are many other reasons. I have been a mistress once. It was very enjoyable. We are still friends. I think it helped both of us through a time in our lives when we needed a friend. We gave each other support. He is married,I am not. I didn't want him to leave her, she never knew and wasn't hurt. I am 14 years older than he is, we are both past 50. That tells you enough to know there are other reasons besides the sex. I would do it again under the right circumstances. I got a lot out of what the mistresses article said. Nothing is black and white. Wives are not entirely blameless in a lot of cases. Sometimes they want to punish their husbands for other reasons, real or imagined. I know, then they should separate or divorce. But if you aren't in their shoes, and don't know the circumstances, you shouldn't judge their actions. Only the two people living it know the whole story. I have been on both sides of the fence, and I have become more accepting of it.
FoxyLadyPat

snow,

we are sure u dont despise women...but you have completely let down urself and the ''men''' or pple looking for commodities....with your own words.

men cannot be fooled ?? looks like you got fooled around a lotta times...i guess thats y u so bitter about women...so much that you have started comparing them to ''commodities'' and candy stores..men are no less commodities themselves..lol..the simple thing is ..men are easily fooled and thats a fact. if men couldnt be fooled and if they were soo damn worldly wise, there wouldnt be mistresses..men dont just pay for dinners or a couple of jewellery for mistresses..i guess u havent heard of men who spend thousands and thousands on women whom they 'keep' away from the social front cos they are bored of their wives and sick and tired of the same old routine at home..

they get sooo tired of their wives who have turned from the once romantic beautiful wife to an old momma..wearing the same thing, doing the same thing, crapping the same old thing in ur ears that these poor souls (men) go searching for some real luv and fun....if they spend 300 dollars like u say, thats cos' they are forced to...or else uv'e had it..so...as much as u think (in ur language) that a mistress is a ''commodity / candy store'' think again..i would say they are a place of comfort for these men not a 'candy store'. i dont know how u would interpret 'comfort' in your terms...whatever..

Precious and eye2eye, I assume that Joey Snow has left h2g2. I came to the conclusion that he was - um - not someone who was open to reasoned discussion.

FoxyLady - what you say really goes to prove my point, that infidelity need not be harmful if done tidily.

I'm glad you liked the article.

Ben

I met the man I am having an affair with in early December 2005, we became physical at the beginning of the year. My concern is that he speaks and behaves at times like a single man. While I have brought this up in conversation, he states that I am not telling him anything he is not aware of. I have made it clear that love can not enter the picture, he has agreed, but when we are sitting at the pond all cuddled up like teenagers it is freightening to think this.
His wife is a very high powered, money making excutive and he is as well. However I feel that my lack of high end pay, and my job is not one of power and control I think this is something he enjoys. Don't get me wrong the sex "rocks the house", but I am very afraid that love will come into the picture and in a big way.
He is a wonderful man and had we met under differetn circumstances I would not hesitate to love him. He is married and so am I, my marriage however has been circling the drain for some time prior to the affair. His marriage is also having problems. My first instinct is to run screaming into the darkness and have further contact with him, but something keeps drawing me back to him.

All I can see is a the potential for disaster all around for everyone.

Any opinions would be appreciated.

Oh, poor emmi

Do you know, I got a strong sense of four people in this situation, not two. It feels like the two of you are looking for distractions from your marriages, rather than for something for the two of you. (I could be wrong about that - I am wrong about so much after all).

I think you are wise to hesitate to love. The more you love in this situation, the more you will hurt, and you can come to a place where you find that the love was not worth the damage caused, and your lover could cause a lot of damage to you. He is successful and powerful, at the very least he provides a true threat to your husband's masculinity which will make your husband much nastier if he finds out. And if your marriage is ending, then it deserves to end undistorted by an affair, and if it can be repaired, then the less it has been disrupted the easier it will be to mend.

If your marriage really IS ending, then do the decent thing, face up to that reality and start talking to your husband about it. Relate and the other relationship counselling services broker "good" divorces as well as looking at how to repair relationships. The key thing is to take responsibility for the quality of your relationship, or alternatively for the quality of your break-up. You can only do that if you are not seeing someone else at the time.

If your lover is talking like a single man while in a relationship with two women, then he is in fantasy-land, and nothing good comes of being the real-life partner in someone else's emotional fantasies, because they won't take your vulnerability and pain seriously. All he wants is for his problems (ie the comppexities in his marriage) to go away, and by pretending to himself that he is single he can pretend to himself that they have. If he won't face the truth about his marriage, then he won't face the truth about you.

So all in all I think you would be wise to follow your instincts and run screaming into the darkness. I know that is tough advice, but the "Perfect Mistress" entry is about how to conduct an affair in a stable situation in a way in which no-one gets hurt. You are already hurting, and your situation is not stable, so already you are playing outside the "rules".

My heart really feels for you. Whatever you do you will feel more pain before it gets better. But the only way to be true to yourself is to face your responsibilities and deal with them one at a time. You know you can still go out there and pull! You know that you can still rock the house! Now decide whether or not you want to be married or single because the big gift this man has given you is the knowledge that you needn't be single for long.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Ben
PS - the best advice about fixing a marriage that I have ever come across was "less nagging, more shagging" - if you don't start talking you might be able to start the process of fixing your marriage in other ways.

PPS - whatever your lover says to you - no matter how much he means it at the time - will melt like snow in rain when his wife, his family, her lawyer and their financial circumstances start staring him in the face. Be careful, and be wise.

Emmi131313,

I feel for your situation. More than anyone could know.

I met my man about 4 1/2 years ago, with my husband. Him and his wife played in our dart league and we all became very good friends very quickly. However, at this point my marriage was quite rocking (just trying to repair a seperation, as a matter of fact) and couldn't handle any temptations. It started out that my husband and his wife decided we should swap, or swing. I was very against it, I was definetly attracted to this man, but I was married and truly wanted to make things work with my husband. I argued with my husband about this and told him all the possible downfalls of such an act. He was a jealous man and I knew that our marriage couldn't handle this type of a situation. Nothing I said mattered, he wanted to do this, so finaly I agreed.

When we attempted to do this it was not sucessful, as it turned out I was not comfortable with it and couldn't relax, our friend couldn't force me to do anything with him. And his wife backed out too, turned out she was too concerned with what was goin on in the other room with me and her husband to do anything with my husband.

After this encounter things got worse and worse between my husband and myself. And our friend spent more and more time talking to me and flirting with me. As I said, I was already attracted to him. I enjoyed the attention.

When my husband and I finally split up, the first thing I did was fall into bed with this friend. It was great. I went into it knowing he was married and using it as a crutch to help me get past my marriage that was over. He lived out of state so we didn't see each other that often, but when we did the sparks flew. As time past, we began to see each other more often and I began to drive to meet him instead of just waiting for him to come see me. This all started a year and half ago.

We started with clear rules and followed just about every rule that was in the Mistress article, without even knowing they were there, it was just our understanding. However, as time past, a year and halves worth of time, he spends more time here with me than he does with his wife, and I am very much in love with him. The most hurtful thing is when he does leave to go home to his wife. I know it is going to happen, but it still hurts and leaves me feeling very empty. I know he cares deeply for me, as well, I heard him telling some of his buddies when he didn't know I was listening, but that doesn't help one bit on those lonely nights that I spend by myself.

He says he has intentions of leaving his wife, if he didn't he never would have let this go so far. But at this point I don't believe it anymore. The problem is that I am to far into it to walk away. I don't know how.

If you get any good advice let me know, I could sure use it.

Best of luck with your forbidden love.

hi joey! wow u have a hell of a way of describing us mistresses
but what about the sort of mistress (like me) who takes no gifts, no wining and dining? would luv to know your opinion on that
c ya soon

Hi! my opinion about this is that,it is...playing the game fair...now it has always been part of the rule that no one should be hurting along the process but that is inevitable said to say. I myself had been in relationships with married men. I set one rule for myself..."Do not let them spend for you"...Let's face it- as a mistress you are already taking somebody else's husband and a father of some kid...take the body not everything that belongs to them and money earned for them is one of those....