h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

An email I got at work (identifying details removed) which I think is sheer class:

"You may be aware that there has been a problem with squirrels recently, a few of which have gained access into this building through upstairs windows. This is not only proving a nuisance to staff who would like to have an open window without the threat of squirrels coming in, but there is also a potential risk of squirrels gaining access to the roof space and damaging the wiring etc. This would be a serious matter and a threat to our infrastructure.

The problem was discussed at this week's Heads of Sections meeting, as a result of which I have involved , the University's Head of Grounds and Gardens. Today he looked at the problem together with a pest control company that happened to be on-site. They have asked me to ensure that no food at all is left out for either birds or squirrels - hence this message. They are also going to prune a few trees adjacent to the upstairs windows to make it more difficult for squirrels to leap across on to the window ledge.

So if I could ask everyone to assist us in this by not feeding the birds/animals, or even I suppose leaving our own food uncovered/unattended and visible in offices near a window. Grounds and Gardens will then review the situation in a few weeks to see if the situation has improved before making any further recommendations.

Thanks for you co-operation."

Nuts to all that

To be fair, squirrels are basically pretty rats so I can see why they want them kept out.

Couldn't they just get in a good mouser?

It just occurred to me, you might be amused by my current web based work email system...

https://squirrel.cf.ac.uk/src/login.php

oh that's interesting! Using Squirrel mail - I use that. Friend of mine runs a web and email server for a loose group of friends. He uses Linux and Squirrel mail so you obv. have some linux fans at cardiff!

Well yeah, except I'm not really supposed to be using it - staff are supposed to use a more advance system - groupwise - but they've never in fact told me this until a server 'updgrade' a couple of weeks ago disabled my ability to use email clients like entourage and outlook.

Also - as you might have seen if you went there. By christmas we'll all be on a new system anyway. They're getting rid of both squirrel and groupwise.

The Squirrel Conspiracy A381683

I like the way that they're going to make it "more difficult to leap across" for squirrels. This will ensure only mighty uber-squirrels can make the leap - with their powerful gnashing teeth that can chew through any cables with one chomp!

What was wrong with "impossible"? is that squirrelist, and therefore falls foul of the PC lobby?

RF

or just a realistic assumption of how effective any man made efforts will be in detering them.

Personally I reckon it's all to do with the smoking policy which says you can;t smoke within 10m of a building (I have my excuse - I'm largly monoccular and useless at estimating distances in units). So now there's loads of smokers under the trees, but not near the buildings so the poor squirrels are being smoked out!

What about greasing the window sills so they slide off on landing!

There speaks someone who's not seen squirrels in action.

Why would they need a windowsill when they can dangle from the eaves, do a triple somersault with twist and fly through a pinhole of a gap? All in the name of getting a tasty morsel