h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, not in that way! Tomorrow I'm off on my summer holiday to France where I shall be for two weeks. Alas, this does mean that I shall not be around for the first anniversary of the Lord Mike Saga (26th August don't forget) but I trust you shall celebrate in my absence.

Lady Marian, your training in enigmacy is complete so I leave you in charge as Lady Protector in my absence. Steven and Lance may prove some help (but I doubt it) and here are the keys for the Mills-Mobile and Mills House in case you need them.

Toodle Pip

P.S. I forgot to cancel the milk

(While hiding in the bushes opposite the front door lurk two unsavoury characters.)

Lord Ike: And that is where I shall strike, by collecting together your milk I shall be able to augment an aggresive gene into its substance and thus I shall be able create a revolting creation that not only is deadly but can suffocate someone to stun-ning!

And all of it corked up inside of a milk bottle too so when he opens the bottle in the Morning- RRRROOO-aaaaarrrrrr!

Stefan: Why don't we just substitue the milk for hydrochloric acid instead, it's cheeper and well within the budget and besides you're no mad scientist.

Lord Ike: Do you always have to spoil the dreams for me?

(Just then a ginger beared milkman walks up the drive and takes from his basket a fresh white container and puts down the bottle onto the step before he slowly returns to his work, whistling as he goes.)

Lord Ike: Look, there's the milk you idiot!

Stefan: Yes, I'm not blind. Do you want me to grab it and then he'll have no milk to drink with his tea?

Lord Ike: No. Just nudge it a bit so it falls over.

Stefan: Oh I see glass shards in the milk very lethal!

Lord Ike: No, you clattering imbecile, push it so that the milk starts to drip out, when he picks up the bottle it will drip on him and he'll be so ashamed that he'll leave the Boards forever!

Stefan: I've said it so many times, your plans get worse and worse.

Lord Ike: Stop squabbling and pass me the bottle, I have a pin ready to pierce the top!

(Not far away the milkman climbs into the cab of his milkfloat, sets down the basket and peels off his cap, ginger beard, glasses and finally his rubber mask and smiles.- It is Tempus!)

Tempus: Perfect! Now the highly concentrated ABD mixed with the calcium only needs reaction with the air to work and I will have defeated Lord Mike before he goes!

(He glances down at his watch before rubbing his hands excitedly as he stares with glee at the Mills-Mansion.)

Lord Ike: At last, Stefan, this shall be our greatest moment!

Stefan: You said that the last one hundred or so episodes that we've been in these situations.

Lord Ike: Look, just be quiet. At last My evil plan will work, it just needs one tiny minute hole, and I push the pin through the top like so...

(The Explosion is so great that the milkfloat rocks dangerously before there's a..... BBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!)

I was going to start my own I'm Leaving thread, but it looks like you got there first Mike
I hope you enjoy your holiday!

This becoming cliched here, is everyone popping off somewhere- technically speaking I've been going in and out of a cycle but that doesn't really count.

The two greats are resigning theselves to a holiday, which mean you're both going on holiday- is anyone else following their lead?
Steven, well he does tend to vanish occasionally but who else?
Haven't seen a sign of Andrew for almost two weeks so.... I'm going to be left on my own.

How will the precious few survive? And with the Emperor of the Dark side of the room and the Lord Protector gone almost in tandem as it were I hope nothing evil happens?

I suddenly feel very worried!

I shall strive to do my best, m'Lord. I must say, I'm honoured at the trust you put in me, taking care that the milk doesn't spoil, even though it's not cancelled. Perhaps, as you say, I can find some use for Steven and Lance. And there'll always be Nibbles, too, of course, thank goodness!

We'll throw a lovely celebration for the 26th. We can even start another one when you get back. I'll save you some cake.

The Boards shall be as safe as possible in my hands until your return. See you then.

(Lady Marian, temporary Protectress of the Boards, waves to Lord Mike and walks off with the keys to the Mills-Mobile and Mills House, in case she needs them.)