h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

heee! thanks for sharing

Ok, my contribution:

Mentioned in a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was having a rather unique problem. A number of the girls were starting to use lipstick & of course they'd apply it in the girls washroom. Which was fine, except that after they finished they'd press their girlish lips on the mirror, leaving clusters of little lip prints.

Eventually the principal had to do something. Summoning all the girls to the girls washroom, she met them there along with the janitor. She then explained that all the lip prints were creating more work for the janitor who had to clean them every night. And to demonstrate how difficult it was to clean them, she asked the janitor to do so. Taking his long-handled squeegee, he dipped it in the toilet & proceeded to clean the mirror.

After that lip prints on the mirror were a thing of the past. There are teachers & then there are educators.

An afterthought, although it verges on "potty humour" I though it was "G Rated".

Ewwww! That would work!

Potty Mouth! *groan*

Thanks jaZZ

I can never remember actual jokes, unless they are especially filthy, in which case they would get modded into oblivion.

But i do collect snippets from the papers. i especially liked this:

(apparently true story)

Mr X, after emerging from a 19 year coma, when asked how he felt, replied "Horny!"

Sorry, i am just weird!

zdt

That I have never heard.
I do not doubt it though! Men do wake-up frisky.

always the wrong time abbi

Jazz, that was funnah!

Glad you liked it m/v!~

Hey smurfles!

So that timing problem, it's a worldwide thing?

the timing thing!!Too late at night,too early in the morning,can't close the curtains during the day(neighbours,don't miss ANYTHING).,.....yep abbi,all world wide problems i bet!!!

hee hee hee

thanks abbi and jazz!

How're you doing Juliana? I'd left you a message awhile ago.

Anyway, another contribution:

A little boy in kindergarten came into class one day & told his teacher he'd found a dead cat outside. Of course she asked him how he knew it was dead. "I pissed in it's ear & it didn't move."

The surprized teacher shrieked "You did WHAT??"

"You know" explained the little boy. "I leaned over & went 'pssst' in it's ear ...& it didn't move."

Thanks for the non-G rated one in email too jaZZ.
Keep em coming! G or whatever we can get by with.

The gov't employment one abbi! I thought you'd enjoy that! Glad I was right! It was lil ol' me... - U551837 that sent me that.