h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Suz is scum.
It's taken me so long to realize that she is just scum.
That as pathetic a human as I am, I am still none-the-less better than her.
She betrayed me.
She has treated me badly, unfairly without honour or humanity, I have now repaid that 'debt'.
No longer would I sell my sould for one touch from her. One kiss. One taste. One kind word.
She is dead to me now.
No more pining.
No more loss.
No more wanting to die without her.

I hope that's better for you, Stealth. Sounds better than pining and wanting to die with out her anyway.

Hope this makes things easier for you to cope with

Sure sounds better than before.

I hope things will keep looking up
It is very good to see.

How is allowing Suz to make me hate her a good thing? Now I don't even have the false hope that she will come-around to caring about me again.

Once you believe it's about a "false hope that she will come-around to caring" you might be able to walk away one day.

It is very painful to come to grips with having had false hopes.
Feels awful and you have to cancel all your long range plans too.
I believe things change for humans when the pain out weighs the benefits and you no longer deny it.

Giving up false hopes -
We have to think it, then say it over and over and over, then believe it , and only then begin to do it, long before actually living it.
Seperating is a long process.
I doubt you will always feel this intensity of "hate" which takes up a lot of head room!

You will feel better when there is some emotional room to spare.
There can be a future relationship for you that does not require your false hopes to exist. You have to fully walk away from this one first, if that is right for you That could be a very good thing.

Sorry if I have said too much or in the wrong direction. Really not sure you wanted a response to "how is that a good thing?"
I wish you well in any case.

Speaking personally, i have found that you seem to go through distinct stages.

The first stage is the hate bit ; & it is actually necessary to do this, even though it is so horrible & seemingly negative, & later you may feel you were unjustifiably evil about them. BUT you HAVE to do it or you can't possibly begin to let go.

Then you get the regret & false hopes bit & sometimes if both of you go through this at the same time & neither has found a new love, you may get back together.Which may or may not work, so the hope ISN'T always false; but unless you can truly communicate, it all falls apart again & you enter a new & sometimes even more painful stage;

Having hoped, then succeeeded, then failed once more you are flung up against the reality, which is that:

It's over, all you can do with the false hopes bit is turn it into fantasy & pray that it gets less powerful with time. Try & keep thinking of all the negative stuff about the person, the reasons why it didn't work out, how you can learn from it & maybe make a better go of it with someone else.

But it hurts like hell; i know this, it is unbelievably painful. I still even at the thought of his name & this is two years later. So i can't reassure you, just tell you that you are not alone. Having TRUE friends is a lifesaver, quite literally.

One thing that may help is something i was told; try & imagine it like waves coming up over the beach, each one getting a tiny buit less; accept it will keep flowing in, but if each is even a little bit less than before, it's better than it was.

I can't be the right person to advise, i do all the wrong things, i go out of my way to torment myself by having contact which ends up in me looking foolish & screaming silently...maybe i hope if i do it enough i will anaesthetise myself? But it's not working so far. If anything, it's getting worse. All that will help is: friends and, if you are lucky, another love; but if that happens, do NOT talk about the ex, it's the quickest way to send them ; talk on here instead.

You are NOT alone with this problem.

zdt

I've medicated myself into a peaceful moment... These things seem too complicated for me undeerstand right now... hopefully I will be able to read them tommorow and learn from them without getting upset...
cheers.

you're as ill as each other.. sometimes the destructive side of these probs makes you act,think n fel in ways thataren't 'you'..even 'without honour or humanity' as you put it..and sometimes maybe it's just easier to handle someone hating you than loving you! Suz is no more scum than you are.. you just both have enough probs to not be able to understand each others..the not pining however is good

Gah, I can understand her problems... but only if she is willing to share them with me. Which she isn't. I'm barred from her journal, she doesn't commmunicate with me at all.
Almost all the stuff in the first post is crap, it came out of hurt from her keeping me out of her life. Stress related to NERd and the death of a friend amongst other things...
She promised to keep Marcus out of her life and she didn't even try to keep that promise, instead before breaking up with me she was happy to let me know she was enjoying talking to him.

She has betrayed my trust. She has lied, She has treated me badly. No she isn't scum. She's just contrary and mercurial and makes crap decisions.