h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

not sure what else to say

Oh, dear.

I don't know that I really want a divorce. I just don't want to be married. How's that for fuzzy thinking. I don't want to pick up dirty clothes from the dining room floor. I don't want to pick up random dirty dishes from every room in the house. I don't want to work a full day and come home and have to vacuum up Cheerios from every square inch of the living room. I don't want to take a another day off from work just so I can catch up on laundry. I don't want to come home from a 3 hour review course to find Mr Emee lounging in the tub while there are dirty dishes on the table and all over the kitchen, toys all over the house and his dirty clothes on the floor within meer feet of the laundry basket. I don't want to keep picking up after everyone, wiping noses and hineys and be expected to still have the energy to put out on a moment's notice. I love my husband. I just don't know if I can live with him anymore.

Oh my, Emee. You've been through a lot the past few years, with the kids and health problems and jobs and moving. One stress after another. Sometimes it does get to be too much. Is there any way you can arrange some time to yourself?

My husband traveled for his job for many, many years, so I had time alone for myself quite a bit. It was wonderful. When he retired I nearly went crazy at first. I went back to work to get away from him! It doesn't matter how much you love someone, sometimes you get so frustrated with them that you want to scream. And it certainly isn't fair to expect you to work all day then come home and have all the household chores to do by yourself.

What used to really tick me off was that he refused to cook. Absolutely wouldn't do it. I'd come in from work and he'd demand to know what was for supper the minute I walked in. He was there all day. He could have fixed a meal now and then. No, I don't hold grudges.

Oh Emee - what can I say.

If you love him, talk to him and MAKE him realise how serious it is. You probably won't be able to change him, but you may get a little more consideration. I'm no expert by the way - I'm really dire at relationships and tend to run for it if things get really bad.

Lots of for now.

Hypatia - my (ex) husband, who retired early, also rarely cooked and if I was going out, used to expect me to provide a meal before leaving . - Hence the "ex"!

*hugs* I don't know what to say. It sounds like you don't mind being married, you just are tired of being a maid. And rightly so! I don't have any advice, but I hope you guys are able to work this out.

There definitely sounds like there needs to be more communication. How to do that without it becoming a fight, however.

If you can have a serious, calm, open discussion, that might help a lot.

As someone who has been married and divorced twice I can hardly give advice, only an opinion.

It sounds like you don't have a problem, he does. With what I can gather I see almost a 50's style marriage with hubby enjoying all your hard work. I may be totally or partially wrong with that but what worked for us (for many years) was getting a part time cleaner in (if that's financially impossible then he has to take on more chores). Eventually we even got a live in nanny but that was after my ex wife's business started to do well. Unfortunately that same business eventually indirectly led to our separation and eventual divorce. So .... what I'm trying to say is, find a balance between his work and your work that doesn't create friction, envy or resentment.

Tough to do, I know but possible.

I wanted to add that both of you have to consider that what you do is work, and damn hard work at that. Paying someone to do even a little of that soon drives home that fact.

I think we're alright now - had a 'come to Jesus' talk and he's being more concious of where he throws his clothes and is helping with things around the house more. And I'm going to call a college girl I know and see if she'd like to earn some extra cash by helping with the housework I just can't get to in a reasonable time. In all fairness, it is a communication issue and an expectations issue. I expect the house to be not spotless but at least livable and we have different ideas of what that means. Once again, I could smack his mother for cleaning his house for him on a regular basis until the time we got married. And on the communication side, I don't want to be 'that wife' - the one who nags all the time - so I haven't said much of anything about what he does or doesn't help with. I need to find a balance between being completely frustrated, angry, silent and being a nagging shrew.

That's a hard balance to find. I never want to be a nag either, but sometimes I get SO FRUSTRATED! And then I finally say something and he's all "why didn't you just tell me?'' Because I didn't want to be a nag!

I think having someone come in and clean would be great. Glad to hear you had the big talk.