h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A882371

Hi Farlander!

I've been given your entry to subedit. There are a couple of (fairly major) changes I'd like to make. Firstly, I'd like to split the entry into two seperate entries - The first part being the history of the disease, and the second as the FAQ, as you've done two sections anyway.

My other proposed change concerns the references. While completely normal for an academic essay, they're by no means essential for a Guide Entry. I'd like to remove them, or at least remove the references in the main text. I can still leave a the list of sources though, if that's what you'd like.

One other thing, just to check it's not a typo - 'President Ford was advised to request $135 from Congress'. Is that all? Seems a very low amount for such a big campaign?

Cheers,

J

i was so excited to get your message that i let my toast burn in the oven

re: split - no problem. i was advised by many to do that anyway. it's just that submitting two articles would've been a bigger pain, that's all

yeah, people have been telling me to do something about the references, but i didn't know how exactly to resolve the problem, so i thought that i'd wait and see what the sub-ed had to say. (that would be you) yeah, i guess it would be good to remove all those numbers (they looked awful in the first place, and i suppose, affected the flow of the article). i'm too sure about whether to leave the refs in at the end of the article, though - i mean, i'd *like* them there, cos if anybody were interested, they could check out the books for themselves. but then again, there's like goodness knows how many of them okay, what about... i think a number of them are different chapters from the same book. maybe we could just put the book name, and not the chapters? that way, the number of refs would be cut down, but they'd still be there. if that's not too much trouble

whoops... that's $135 million. president ford would've looked remarkably silly asking for money that could've come out of the petty cash box, wouldn't it. a friend told me i'd accidentally typed 'fold water' instead of cold water' somewhere... could you please find and rectify it? thanks.

hey, nice meeting you.

I'll see what I can do!

I've already changed the 'fold water', by the way, so son't waste your time trying to find it

J

Right... I've split the entry - the FAQ is now at A898473.

The original entry now needs re-naming slightly - as that entry is now purely concerned with the history of the disease, I think the title should reflect that.

Also, could you write a short introductory paragraph (or two!)? Perhaps just explaining what the disease is, how it manifests itself, sort of thing? I ask for this purely because I don't like starting the entry with headers or subheaders...

I can't see any references that could be combined... perhaps you can see some though?

J

re: refs - i've cited several chapters from the book 'legionella: current status and emerging perspectives'. maybe we could just get rid of the chapters and just put the title of the book. that would reduce 3 to 1, i think. and maybe for the cdc newsletter, we could like put 'cdc newsletter' followed by a list of the articles, i think that would help save space also.

introduction... introduction... er, ok... i'm not particularly lucid right now, and my stuff is all back home. what say you i work on it over the weekend and give it to you first thing monday morning? two paragraphs are *so* much harder to write than twenty

er, just a thought... now that all the ref numbers have been removed, do you think it might be a better idea to arrange the references in alphabetical order? as i said, just a thought...

hope i don't sound like i'm telling you how to do your job or anything like that

Sounds like a good plan.

I was going to put the refs in order, but I thought I'd wait until I knew which were staying and which were going

er... i didn't know how to access the second legie article so you're going to get the bulkload right here


"It is a simple creature, lurking in the open waters in the protection of those larger than itself. Drawn out from its habitat by means of mechanical intervention, it remains suspended in the air until a human host unwittingly offers it another sanctuary. Once inside the lungs, it blazes a trail of destruction, annihiliating the army that is supposed to stop its spread. The end result is a respiratory disease that debilitates or kills, depending on how strong the infected host is.

" Despite only having been identified some 25 years ago, Legionella pneumophila, the causative agent of Legionnaires' Disease, is no new organism. Medical history is littered with evidence that this organism has wreaked havoc long before people knew its identity. Every year, about 5-10% of pneumonia cases are caused by this creature, and the mortality rate can soar to as high as 30% if untreated.

"Because of the bacteria's evolution to exploit modern technology as means of propagation, Legionnaires' Disease is not an unfamiliar disease to most of us. However, for many, there are still unanswered questions, such as, How can technology favour a dangerous organism, and - more importantly - how safe are we from this airborne threat?"

... i suspect that you are going to have to hack it down a little bit, unless you want another science book in your hands! i've tried trimming it a bit, but, er, i've always been a bit of a sucker for melodrama, so there you go...

I think I'm happy with them both now - A882371 and A898473. Any final comments/updates before I send them back to the Editors?

J

that was fast!

yeah, it feels pretty good... it's just that the Legionella pneumophila in paragraph one of the history was not italicized (i couldn't do it in the post), and i *think* i forgot to mention that eis stood for environmental information systems, but other than that, there's nothing that needs to be done...

er, except for what i think is a rather minor thing. i rather like how you used my intro for both legie articles (it sort of unites them) , but i think that as an introduction to the history, it ends somewhat abruptly. maybe we could add an extra sentence to stitch together the intro and the main body, something like...

"However, despite its modern-day infamy, Legionella pneumophila might never have been found if not for a celebration that took place in Philadelphia a quarter of a century ago..."

or

"The history of this disease is one of a celebration that ended in disaster, a political tragedy, and a man who who did not give up in the face of failure..."

or

"The history of Legionnaires' Disease serves to show us that sometimes evolution can favour an organism that has adapted to exploit mankind's own development..."

or, replace the first para with

"Legionella pneumophila is much feared today as the causative agent of Legionnaires' Disease. Despite its recent emergence and infamy, there is historical evidence that this bacteria has been wreaking havoc long before people discovered its identity. Every year about 5 - 10% of pneumonia cases are caused by this creature, and the mortality rate can soar to as high as 30% if untreated.
"The story of Legionella pneumophila's discovery, as with other agents of disease, begins with a tragedy - one that occured 25 years ago at a celebration in America..."

sorry, that's the problem with writers... they can't stop i guess it doesn't help that i used to write dramatic science fiction...

anyway...

question: are those two articles going to be cross-referenced? i only ask 'cause people who read the history might start posting messages asking about signs and symptoms and risks.

hey, thanks for working on this (i know it's your job as sub-ed, but still ); i appreciate what you've done

cheers

whoops, i see that they've already been cross-ref'd. sorry! that'll teach me not to read things carefully...

I will get onto it as soon as...

Changes have been made... If you're happy with it, so am I.

yup it feels good...
i guess one should live by asimov's philosophy on writing, and rewrite as little as possible...
thanks for being so patient. cheers, mate! oops, this is h2g2... it should be tea...

Then back to the towers they go...