h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Before we start, let's get a few things clear. I'm still awaiting my first date-it's sad and, in fact, you may be thinking 'why the hell is he even bothering?'-trust me, I'm thinking it myself.

But that's not what I've got to say. Hell, I know a few things, and I thought I'd make a valid point. What is so special about the first date?

It's a strange phenomena. We can sometimes not even remember how or why we and our partners/friends/enemies first met or why we started having feeelings towards that particular person. Equally, the first time we sleep with someone, we may be so drunk that the actual occasion means nothing whatsoever (again, also not an expert on that front-hey I do go to an all-boys school, more's the pity). And what of other dates? Must they too go quietly into the dark? The first date must be, quite frankly, the worst of the lot.

Think about it. You're walking on eggshells to stop this beautiful person you've just found from slapping you/walking out on you/never returning your calls whilst silmutaneously putting out your best front-be that charming, handsome, suave, witty, whatever. And what happens as you and your date get more familiar? You get more honest. You get away with the odd insult. You touch far more. The first date is a charade that has to be played out which is merely designed to be stressful for both parties whilst achieving little...how typical of human relationships.

Are you sure you've never been on a first date? You seem to know an awful lot about it. You are right when you say that the first date is a charade, usually both people are so nervous that they say the most stupid things and then immediately regret having said them. Or they are at a loss for words and silence reigns whilst each is busy thinking "What can I say now?" However having said that, the first date paves the way for the relationship, will it be the first and last date, or will it turn into a long lasting friendship? A lot hangs on that afternoon at the cinema together, or the candle-lit dinner, or the walk along the beach or whatever. My advice is make the most of it because there's only one "first date".

Is it okay to take a lady friend to the cinema on the first date, or is this considered kids stuff? I'm 18, by the way, and also date-virgin, for want of a better term.

I was going to ask a girl I like to go and see Lilo and Stitch with me. I can't know, for various reasons - the main one being her boyfriend.

It depends what you want out of the first date. The cinema is fine if you are both tongue-tied (have to keep quiet during the film) but it's a great place to a) to hold hands and b) go if you don't want anyone to see you. On the other hand if you are great conversationalists, the cinema is out, so maybe a park bench would be better. You could bear this in mind for the next first-date.