h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

it's 4am in the morning...

I just want to get drunk but no matter how much I drink it isn't working. I have finally accepted that someone else has been officially given my job. It's hard because I am only sick not useless, but I don't know when I will be well enough to return to full time work so it was expected. But still, when you hear that someone else has taken your place...

That sucks S.Mort-it does.I`ve had that happen to me-due to a bi-polar flare-up-it was horrid.Hope you pull through,& that you feel better soon~(It took zoloft a year to fix me)~

Thankyou,
I have been off sick for nearly a year and lost my job because of it. But the thing is it, it was all so amicable and i think it might have helped to get cross and have someone to blame, but the truth is i can't. i dont blame the bosses - they had no choice and they have been so supportive of me on a professional and personal level.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which despite the name doesnt mean that I am irrational etc but that i think the world is crap and have negative ways of dealing with it. It also means that i am a high achiever and a perfectionist and worked harder and better than anybody else. The job didnt exist before me. They didnt create the job for me, I created the job, through my hard work and skills in lots of areas besides veterinary nursing, i created a position that only i could fill, because it was based on the things i could do. And to find that they have asked someone else to try and fill my shoes was gutting.
Actually the person they have asked to do it is someone i have trained up in some areas, so it was a good choice. Tonight I emailed her to congratulate her on the promotion and and wish her well but was crying as i did it because it hurt so much to even think of someone taking over a job it had taking me six years to build up.
However - life goes on and i need to deal with it and think about when i am well and what i can still offer.
I am very ill at the moment but part of me still wants to be that high achieving successful, invaluable person. I never felt i existed outside my work - it was the only thing that gave me self validation.
At the moment i don't know who i am or what i am here for because i spent the last 15 years 'being' my job.
They keep throwing drugs at me but i take them like sweeties and i still think the world is crap.

Mort...
Sorry I don't have anything worthwhile to say as usual... but I understand...

Hi mort

Sorry I don't have anything worth while to say as well,

but all that I can say is that we all love,
you and you more a part of H2G2 than a lot of people,

manda

Thank you everybody. i guess i sounded like right moaner. It's like I said that my work has always been more than just a job and it finally struck home what it is going on with me.

Thank you Manda - that meant alot as I have only been on h2g2 for a short time (since October 2002 - I know! how did i survive before!) but i have tried to become part of the community and give something back.

There are some things I can't do - because I am almost houdebound but there is still so much I can do and it is difficult when i am an ill person but sometimes still feel like the career minded go-getting, take no prisoners, success I was.

Finding somewhere else where i can actually be of some use has helped.

and s. Thinking about you.
When you are well again you can always go back to work ,though it won't be the same ..you will still be doing something you love.

Mort! There has to be something better ahead for you... just give yourself a healthy period to grieve in. You have a valid reason for your feelings about the job situation... it can be hard to remember that sometimes when you struggle with the borderline personality stuff anyways.

I hate getting depressed about being depressed. I always feel like a loser for being sad, like I should be able to handle that too... I've fought that downward spiral since highschool.

You're not alone! Wish I were there to take you out for some girl talk and drinks. Have one here on me... !

Y.S.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. That they had to fill the position you created is a compliment, though a bitter one. Once they had been shown that what you were doing was possible and necessary they couldn't do without it. A case of not knowing there was a need before you filled it.

Work isn't the only thing you have the right to validate yourself for. I only know the part of you that you allow to be seen on here, and just from that I can see that you are intelligent, articulate, creative, witty, caring, and kind, and from the pics I've seen you're nice to look at with it. You go out of your way to help people and you might have only been on here for a short time but you are already respected and valued by a huge number of people.

Sympathy and